Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

686 replies

Midge1978 · 21/04/2018 23:22

For me it's keeping the bathroom clean. I don't think I ever saw my mother clean hers but it was always immaculate and rosey smelling. I can't seem to keep on top of the mould monster in mine!

OP posts:
Caribou58 · 23/04/2018 17:15

That by staying home, looking after children, and caring for ill parents, whilst DH worked, would ruin my career so when we divorced I would have limited options. I now have the prospect of working well into my old age for a pittance.

A good friend of mine has had much the same experience. She married her childhood sweetheart after she finished university, took quite a few years out of work to raise their 3 children (taking a big hit on her work-based pension years), agreed to his request that they go and live down under for several years (taking a further hit on her work-based pension years). They returned to the UK and found themselves with a massive mortgage - and then he left her for another, younger woman.

She was completely taken apart by the whole process, has (as indicated) insufficient pension years and so has to keep working ay beyond what she'd anticipated - his solicitor was better than hers, so she paid thousands to be left very badly off...meanwhile, he's got a massive pension (she gets 1/4 of it - but has to wait until she's 65 to get it, even though he retired at 60) and is enjoying his retirement.

Caribou58 · 23/04/2018 17:16

As I'm older (at 59) than most of you, I'm going to say this: wait till you see what menopause does to your mind and body. Nobody warns you about it.

Norugratsatall · 23/04/2018 17:17

That you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.

^^This! Succinctly put.

Astella22 · 23/04/2018 17:23

Infertility - never once heard anyone mention it growing up

BanquoGhostie · 23/04/2018 17:23

Caring for your mum who has dementia. Having to make the decision that she needs full time care. Telling her that she can’t go back to her sheltered flat. Heart-breaking. I cried for a week. Still feel guilty. No one prepares you for that.

RoseAgentEight · 23/04/2018 17:25

Losing a parent.

TypingoftheDead · 23/04/2018 17:25

Getting harassed by other adults (and sometimes children) for having the temerity to walk around in public by myself, not bothering other people unnecessarily - does that count? I was bullied as a kid too, but it's the whole being shat upon when minding my own business thing in general I hate.

Marmablade · 23/04/2018 17:26

The relentlessness of being an adult. Parenting, running a house, holding down a job, running a car, planning everything. Just urgh...

fatandlumpy · 23/04/2018 17:27

Menopause...

FontSnob · 23/04/2018 17:29

How fucking relentless it all is.

HumptyD93 · 23/04/2018 17:32

Having to remember the hundred millions things going on in my own my husbands kids and pets lives...I'm a walking calendar! !!
Cleaning....I hate it!!! I still don't know how people keep on top of it all.

Washing....where does it all come from? How come it doesn't float off my floor get washed ironed folded and out back in my drawers like when I was a child???

How expensive everything is!!! A trip to the dentist cost almost £80 just for teeth cleaning (for 2 of us) prescriptions I almost had a heart attack and walked out...but I was in too much pain so paid :( shoes, clothes, council tax....the list is endless but my money pot is empty!!!!

FontSnob · 23/04/2018 17:36

Having to decide whether you let your xh, with two drink driving convictions, drive your DD again now he has his license back. He seems to be off the booze (on his weekends with dd anyway) but the idea of it still terrifies me.

bsbabas · 23/04/2018 17:40

How crap men can be and how to defend myself against it

MITCHELL33 · 23/04/2018 17:40

My mother had a wet cloth I never saw a can of polish but the TV furniture and faces [yes same cloth} were all clean!So why have I got a box under the sink filled with clothes for every purpose?

mai2 · 23/04/2018 17:41

Being ignored by the one you love
Failing to get a job
Not knowing what your purpose in life is
Is life really worth all this fuss we go through on a daily basis

AlmondOrchard · 23/04/2018 17:43

The people running the country being a shower of incompetent, juvenile shite.

loveka · 23/04/2018 17:44

The perimenopause. Horrendous, and I didn't know it existed until I had it. I thought I was going mad.

Icanttakemuchmore · 23/04/2018 17:52

Having terminal lung cancer and expecting to go before your children and then teenage daughter suddenly dying from sepsis. Nothing prepares you for losing a child.

ClaraSais · 23/04/2018 17:53

Looking after and worrying about poorly parents and being the only one that seems to care, left to do it all

sosadforhim · 23/04/2018 17:53

Worry. I never realised adulthood would be fraught with worry about parental illness, termnal illness diagnosis, worrying about caring duties. Funeral arrangements. Worry about money. Work-life balance worry. Marital tension. House repairs. Daily worry about children. Worry, worry, worry! Btw, I'm known as an easy going type of be person.

PollyCotton · 23/04/2018 17:54

Attempting to disciple a child who seems immune to consequences.
"DS2, get changed please."
"Ok."
"DS2, you need to get changed right now or you'll miss out on [fun activity]."
"Noooo..."

Just why?! He gets upset at the idea of the consequence but doesn't do the one thing he needs to do to avoid it. He'd rather roll around on the floor wailing about it than just put his shoes on. What am I supposed to do with that?! I've tried jollying him along/shouting/threatening/bribing/begging - nothing has any effect! Hmm

Also, the relentlessness, the cleaning - it's only going to get dirty again anyway & where's the balance between keeping everything "clean" & wasting time/effort/money on cleaning products, plus there's the environment... I'm another one who never noticed their mother cleaning. I assume she did at some point, although I distinctly remember the pre-visitor hoovering that happened anytime we were expecting someone - I'm not convinced she ever really figured out a proper cleaning routine either!

TopSop · 23/04/2018 17:55

Trying to sell a house and leave a country when no-one will buy your house... so unbelievably hard to cope with.

sosadforhim · 23/04/2018 17:55

Icanttakemychmore so sorry you've been dealt such hard knocks :-(

WTFsmh12 · 23/04/2018 17:58

Definitely losing your only parent - watching the strongest person you know,your rock, the one who you always turned to,and was there for you, slowly succumb to cancer, and the tables turn and you end up being the carer, Doing washing, wiping, feeding, dressing . Leaves a massive void , even 9 years later still pretty raw.

Icanttakemuchmore · 23/04/2018 18:00

Watching my dh dealing with the fallout of me being not well from chemo, knowing I won't be there to comfort him etc after I'm gone didn't realise that living would be so heartbreaking know g I'm causing and will continue to cause heartbreak for him when I'm gone

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread