Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL wants her baby to 'catch a tan'

378 replies

LocksHear · 21/04/2018 17:08

AIBU to be fuming?!

She refuses to cover him up and isn't applying any sun lotion. Baby is 10 months.

Apparently no one puts sun lotion on their kid's in her country, and they're just kept out of the sun when it's at its strongest (between 1.30/3) Confused

She's adamant he doesn't burn, and she doesn't. Which is true. But burning isn't the only sign of skin damage by the sun. So is a sun tan. Any change to pigmentation is, isn't it?

I was at the park with her and all the kids yesterday, I made a point of putting sun lotion on all of mine, and made sure I had loads in my hands when I said "Oh I've loads left. Let me do yours. Might as well, loads left Smile"

She was very Hmm and said I'd rather you didn't. I didn't know what to say to that. 5 minutes later she claimed to have a migraine coming on and left.

I've been advised to report her to her health visitor but I know she doesn't have one.

OP posts:
SomeKnobend · 21/04/2018 18:07

If she keeps him in the shade enough that he hasn't got any hint of sunburn when they were in the park for 2 hours at lunch time, then he doesn't need suncream on. I think you need to mind your own business and respect that she parents differently than you. If she was actually harming the child, misjudging it and he had sunburn then I would obviously understand your concern, but she's not, so wind your neck in.

SomeoneAteMyStrudel · 21/04/2018 18:08

Yes, all children do have an allocated HV

Yes you can decline their services

No, nobody will come and tell you off for that BUT if it is part of a wider pattern of behaviour that is deemed to be concerning it will form part of the bigger picture. On its own nobody cares if you don't see your HV. If you become known to social services for other reasons then they may well care. It isn't important until it IS important if you see what I mean. Like many things.

Not really relevant in this case but I've seen it on here where people argue about HV all the time... but both people are actually right.

Anyway if you don't engage with HV services they aren't going to be able to give you advice anyway are they. Nobody is going to 'do' anything about stuff that some people take a dim view of until something actually bad happens. There's no Toddler Police going round handing out warnings for lack of suncream and non-cut-up grapes etc

SomeoneAteMyStrudel · 21/04/2018 18:10

Nettleskeins I appear to have evolved from some kind of non-light-receiving area of the world that requires all the UV to be absorbed in the space of about six minutes Grin

Ickyockycocky · 21/04/2018 18:10

I have to ask. How do you know? Not telling

Why are you scaremongering? Grin Grin Grin you are joking I take it?

They may be on the caseload but the HV has no legal right to see your child at any time and you can refuse to see them any time you like I haven't said anything to the contrary.

gamerchick · 21/04/2018 18:10

Well at least you may get one thing from your thread OP. Put your kids on supplements if you’re going to deny them sun. Wink

GuildfordMum101 · 21/04/2018 18:11

Have none of you every gone to Southern Europe. Look at all the small children in their pushchairs with their glowing tans. If you live in a sunny country you get used to the sun pretty young. The rule is just being sensible, playing under umbrellas, everyone off the beach by 12, and not back until 4. It is only the foreigners who have an issue with sunshine, and burning, and they are the stupid ones who spend the whole day out in the sun slapping sunscreen on, and thinking that will protect them all day.

PineappleYum · 21/04/2018 18:12

Was there not something a few years ago advising that children get 10 mins or so a day exposure to the sun for these reasons?

10 minutes is not enough. Also people absorb it differently. I don't absorb vitamins well so I supplement. Most people should supplement vit D.

People being told 10 minutes is enough is going to make people sick.
Ickyockycocky · 21/04/2018 18:12

and what SomeoneAteMyStrudel said

SomeKnobend · 21/04/2018 18:14

Also, you say you were at the park from 11.30-1.30 or something, but she left 5 minutes after you put suncream on your dc. So in effect, her baby was out in the sunshine 5 minutes longer than your dc were. I strongly suspect you're exaggerating this both here and in your own mind.

GetKnitted · 21/04/2018 18:14

Honestly though, if it is really bothering you, why on earth would you talk to a health visitor before you talk to your brother?

Jaylabelle · 21/04/2018 18:16

Is she an anti-vaxxer by any chance?

PineappleYum · 21/04/2018 18:16

Also, I live in Spain and have done for a decade. Without supplements I'm still vit D defiecient. In the last couple of years two of my Spanish friends have been tested, both had levels through the floor, they've lived here their entire lives and get plenty of sun.

GetKnitted · 21/04/2018 18:17

or your partner if this is your partner's sister.

Dancingleopard · 21/04/2018 18:19

Some parents just don’t use it.

I was agog at a facebook page I cane across when it was advocated that sun cream was poisonous and herbal remedies used instead. There was a lot of followers..

PineappleYum · 21/04/2018 18:19

*deficient

hairymorag · 21/04/2018 18:21

Interesting thread. My OH is half spanish and has never used suncream. He spent holidays in spain with family and they are used to the sun. They are not stupid, I see alot of Spanish families at the beach after the holiday makers have gone, they head down at 5 or 6. There children tend to be in pants and have all over tans. I have 4 DC and my youngest had a tan at 10 mths after a holiday in spain. Not deliberate attempts by me, didn't use cream, in the shade on the most part, sun hats and not sitting in the sun when its at its hottest. He takes after his DD. My other DC have some sun cream, eldest on shoulders as he can get a little red, my DD only on her cheeks and my DS2 on his shoulders too. Hardly ever use the stuff on them. Its common sense, me on the other hand comes from celtic stock and pale with freckles so I would burn if sat in sun for 5 mins without anything on.

PhoenixRisen · 21/04/2018 18:22

I prefer to use a hat and long loose clothing in the heat of the day, and keep them inside when I can between 1-4pm. One of my kids reacts really badly to pretty much all sun creams, and most creams are waterproof, which isn't great for their skin.

Am fairly sure neither kid has ever been sun burned, the lucky sods. (I burn to a crisp pretty easily).

Lifeaback · 21/04/2018 18:23

Regardless of where you are in the world, a babies skin is more sensitive than an adults. Especially a baby born in Britain who has been alive for 10 months and most likely hasn't seen sunlight so far in those 10 months!

The way I see it, if the baby was born in a hot country than it would have gradually been exposed to sun over the course of its short life and built up a bit of protection from the natural melanin in its skin which people of olive complexions have more of. That is why it makes it more okay to foreign babies who are used to the sun to be out in it without protection. But her baby has been born in England and Isn't used to strong direct sunlight, so the same logic really shouldn't be applied.

Also Hmm at the fact she wants her baby to be tanned to look better? Why not let babies be babies without pushing twisted views of beauty on to them....

Bodicea · 21/04/2018 18:25

Sorry but I let my kids get a tan. They need the vit d. Ds is relatively dark and has eczema so who sun helps to clear it up. I only put sun cream on on really hot days and if we are out a lot. If we are just out for an hot or so I don’t. We are too obsessed with sun cream in this country. Hence why all kids are vital d deficient.
As long as her kids aren’t getting severely burnt mind your own business!

Tartanscarf · 21/04/2018 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mightymucks · 21/04/2018 18:25

nettleskins, when I say ‘when the sun is less dangerous’ I mean in the summer I let them out for a time without cream in the morning or late afternoon.

Bab of course but they aren't in direct sunlight playing with no protection etc, it's dangerous

Well in that case OP you are putting your children in danger of a severe vitamin D deficiency. Maybe you should report yourself to the HV?

specialsubject · 21/04/2018 18:26

So much ignorance on here. I am intrigued to know how those who don't use chemicals wash themselves or their kids.

No absolutes on vita min d, science doesn't work like that. Peak uv two months from today and it goes in a sine curve. Look it up.

Bodicea · 21/04/2018 18:26

*hour!!! Sorry fat fingers!

GreyGardens88 · 21/04/2018 18:26

lol

KreigersClones · 21/04/2018 18:27

Hmm, I don’t know about this one.
I think it’s wrong to sit and let the baby burn, on the other hand, I don’t understand people who whip the sun cream out as soon as the temp hits double digits, kids (well, everyone) need sunlight, it’s not good for them to have every bit of UV blocked from them.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with her saying the baby will look nice with a tan, my kids get a beautiful colour in the summer. They’re beautiful all the time of course, but they look pale and a bit run sickly in winter, and they are just so glowy and healthy looking the summer.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.