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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL wants her baby to 'catch a tan'

378 replies

LocksHear · 21/04/2018 17:08

AIBU to be fuming?!

She refuses to cover him up and isn't applying any sun lotion. Baby is 10 months.

Apparently no one puts sun lotion on their kid's in her country, and they're just kept out of the sun when it's at its strongest (between 1.30/3) Confused

She's adamant he doesn't burn, and she doesn't. Which is true. But burning isn't the only sign of skin damage by the sun. So is a sun tan. Any change to pigmentation is, isn't it?

I was at the park with her and all the kids yesterday, I made a point of putting sun lotion on all of mine, and made sure I had loads in my hands when I said "Oh I've loads left. Let me do yours. Might as well, loads left Smile"

She was very Hmm and said I'd rather you didn't. I didn't know what to say to that. 5 minutes later she claimed to have a migraine coming on and left.

I've been advised to report her to her health visitor but I know she doesn't have one.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 21/04/2018 19:04

So am I right in thinking, the baby is 10 months, and summer has not even started, so this cannot have happened many times?
You are interfering.

TheFirstMrsDV · 21/04/2018 19:05

I rarely use sunblock on my dcs.
They are dark skinned and don't burn.
If we are spending the day on the beach I will use it but I am not bothered day to day.
They hardly ever wear hats in the sun because I can't get them to fit and they pop off their heads.

I am not surprised your SIL went home with a migraine. As for reporting her to her HV! Hmm

Delatron · 21/04/2018 19:06

So skin cancer rates are on the up. When I was growing up we definitely got sunburnt and the highest factor we used was 6 so I suspect I have lots of sun damage unfortunately.

It will be interesting to see if skin cancer rates start to come down, as we would expect, when the generations who started using higher factors age.

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 19:06

It's been very warm here 28 degrees Thursday and Friday, 25 today. We have had paddling pool out and kids have been out loads. Mine have been wearing sun cream as have most if the other children I know.

Officially summer hasn't started but 28 degrees is very warm for a small baby to be out in full sunlight.

DNAwrangler · 21/04/2018 19:07

Temperature has no bearing on whether you should use sun cream, for those saying they only use it on really hot days.

It's UV that's important, not temperature.

flufffysockks · 21/04/2018 19:08

I’d rather my child got a bit of sun than douse them in chemicals.

Are you for real???

A bit of sun is very different to long exposure with no protection, and the aim being tanning the child.

Thank goodness for those 'chemicals' that help prevent skin cancer.

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 19:08

Delatron the aging population will make that difficult to measure because there will be new cases among people who would probably have died before then historically. But there is no doubt that sun cream is the best protection.(alongside precautions such as staying out of midday sun, wearing sun hats etc.)

specialsubject · 21/04/2018 19:09

Stupidity levels go even higher with the ' it's warm, so that affects uv'. I know mn encourage s the 'feminine to be thick' but not that much!

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 19:10

DNA i didnt know that but is there some correlation?

MarshaBradyo · 21/04/2018 19:11

Not keen on sun lotion for babies but they should be in the shade when the sun is strong

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 19:11

Does Mn encourage the idea that it's feminine to be thick? Hmm

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 19:14

specialsubject even higher than what?

DillyDillyDally · 21/04/2018 19:17

There is no such thing as a sun tan - it's skin damage.

Yes, but sometimes getting a tan is unavoidable even with a high factor sunscreen on. I live in a hot place, unless I stay inside for months on end during the summer, I'm going to get a light tan just from going about my daily business. I make sure not to burn but what else do you suggest? It's not a fact that anyone who gets a tan ever will develop skin cancer is it? Vitamin d deficiency is more harmful than going brown due to normal sun exposure

buttercup54321 · 21/04/2018 19:19

inform social services

LaraDarling · 21/04/2018 19:20

DSD was in the garden with us today for a couple of hours doing gardening. We forgot to put sun cream on her (oops!) but she's just fine, is a little brown and hasn't burnt (she has dark olive skin). I have darker skin too and didn't put suncream on.

I think you have to be realistic here and realise that in some countries where they have hot weather, they are exposed to more direct sunlight and probably do more damage to their skin even with sun cream on than we do here without! Especially as we only have a few days of hot weather a year.

I think you should just leave her be. Let her parent how she wants to parent and don't interfere. They could probably use the vitamin d and as someone who suffers from SAD I would actually recommend a bit of sun!

SweetEnough · 21/04/2018 19:22

It is a parenting choice, albeit an irresponsible one, but there is nothing you can do about it.

It is her choice as a parent, you can advise but you can not force her to agree with your or anyone else's ideals.

Even if you could report her, what would whomever you report her to be able to do?

Delatron · 21/04/2018 19:29

I do think catching a bit of colour (not babies to be fair) is unavoidable and not necessarily the end of the world.
There are so many benefits from a bit of sunshine (it also lowers blood preesure, helps with mood etc).
I know it's true that 'there's no such thing as a healthy tan' but I think it's unavoidable for most outdoorsy, active people. You don't need to burn but you are going to pick up colour. Also the 'tanned skin is bad' goes against the '20 mins 3-4 times a week with no sun screen' advice. If we all did that we'd all have tans!
Lots of confusing messages. I try to be sensible but do also aim for time in the sun with no sunscreen for all the family.

SomeKnobend · 21/04/2018 19:33

I think the mum knows better than you, but if you like ring social services, I'd love to hear how interested they are that an olive skinned child was taken to the park and didn't get sunburnt. Bet they'll be fucking leaping all over that one OP.

ihateyoupepapig · 21/04/2018 19:39

Can't believe people are okay with not putting sun screen on their kids! Are you all stupid?

raisedbyguineapigs · 21/04/2018 19:39

Have you spoken to your brother about this, or are you just hassling her?

ThanksForAllTheFish · 21/04/2018 19:41

I had a friend die of skin cancer at the age of 21. Skin cancer caused by burning as a baby - confirmed by the hospital as the most likely cause. (The cancer was first picked up at 14 treated and came back twice more, the last time it spread through his body to his organs). He had skin that would tan but would also burn if too hot. His mum never put suncream on him as a child as he would mostly tan and any burns were ‘minor’ and clear up easily without peeling.

I am a redhead so physically can never tan as my skin isn’t capable of doing so. I wear high factor SPF at the first hint of sun, not so worried about becoming vitamin D deficit as the mutated gene that causes red hair also allows my body to make its own vitamin D. I have still been badly burnt despite factor 50 (I’m looking at you P20 spf 50 spray) and I am awaiting a hospital appointment for yet another suspect mole that has developed a dark patch.

My daughter is fair with dark blonde hair and I always put SPF on her if the weather is going to be warm or the UV index for the day shows it’s going to be 3 or above (regardless of sun). I do try to let her have a little exposure on low UV days as I know she needs the vitiman D. She still gets a very light golden tan in summer (with the suncream on ) and I suspect would go darker if I let her go without the suncream but I am not so stupid to risk her having skin cancer for the sake of a tan.

That being said not much you can do when other people decide to leave their children without SPF. Just do your best to educate them of the risks but that’s all. You can’t put cream on someone else’s child without their permission I’m afraid, that’s not on and you don’t know if they will have a reaction to that brand anyway as everyone is different.

Rachie1973 · 21/04/2018 19:44

LocksHear

You're so angry sounding!

You need to accept that this is not your decision to make.

I suggest perhaps not going out with her.

Ohmydayslove · 21/04/2018 19:47

Don’t know ‘weather’ to yawn or report.

Several threads today similar

flufffysockks · 21/04/2018 19:57

Not keen on sun lotion for babies but they should be in the shade when the sun is strong

Why on earth are you 'not keen'? Confused

Bastards inventing a lotion that is proven to help prevent skin damage therefore helps prevent skin cancer?

DeltaG · 21/04/2018 19:58

I live in Switzerland and kids here are given Vit D supplements from birth. So no need to expose babies & small children to potentially damaging UV rays.

That said, it really does depend on the skin colour of the kids; obviously children with black skin are at much less risk than pale, Northern Europeans.

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