DS escorted home by the police - WTF?

[ReanimatedSGB]

He's 13 and a half. He hadn't done anything wrong (as they were at pains to assure me) but someone 'reported that he seemed to be lost and potentially vulnerable', so they had asked him where he lived, brought him home, asked for my name and phone number...

It's 5pm, on a lovely sunny afternoon. DS was coming home from school. He said he had been chatting to someone about trains and train stations (he is a transport nut) - and now this? WTF? I did say to the police that he likes transport and likes to watch the trams. I am not going to insist he stays indoors all the time - why should I?

North West /Greater Manchester OP?
A few suggestions from me.

There's a gang of teenagers who kicked someone near to death at a tram stop last month. They have arrested some, but not all. Maybe someone was worried about a pleasant young person's safety?

Or... there is the well known paedophile born in Crumpsall, (known across the North West), who constantly claims police harassment as he: " only asked to feel the young teenager's arm muscle".
He tries it on with early teens, males, often around trains/trams and gyms.

Maybe, the "officious dickhead" and co were genuinely concerned about your son's safety, for some reason, you are unaware of? They maybe can't tell you more about it, as nothing happened, because they intervened in time?

Maybe, they were trying their best to do their job, and look after your son? And jolly good for them.

I am guessing that something in the communication between your son and his "friends" made a passer by uneasy, rightly or wrongly, and he flagged it with the police. They also must have felt, on speaking with your son, that he was vulnerable in that situation.

^ This. The fact that the police talked to your son after his friends got off the tram and then brought him home suggests that they thought he was at risk. It could have been the tone of the boy's conversations/knowing looks/piss taking etc that raised alarm bells for the bystander and then the police. What do you know about these 'friends'. It sounds like all may not be as it appears with their friendship.

Op your sounding very unhinged, the police did the right thing. Say thank you to them.

That would really annoy me too SGB. The police "acted" when they asked your son if he was alright. Following home was unnecessary unless they had reason to disbelieve him. It's officious and could be quite intimidating for a child. I hope it doesn't make your DS more concerned about being out in public. I would probably follow up with the police in the morning. There may be more to it than the officers told you (though why I can't imagine), but if not, it's not right for them to make the streets more hostile to youth - young people get a hard enough time as it is.

For those suggesting the adult who butted in might have been known to police and they were just trying to keep SGB's DS safe - I would point out that if there's someone you know is a criminal, there's not much point leaving that criminal on the tram and following some random child home.

Where are you out of interest? I think in bigger cities younger teens are less likely to wander around. In smaller towns, teens and tweens do walk around and chat to strangers. I was shocked when I moved to London at 18 and people would just walk past without saying hello, it’s a different world. It is strange that the police brought him home, but then again the local police gave me a lift home once when it was raining and I’d lost my bus money - I went in and asked them to call my mum, and as I was young looking for my age (14) they gave me a lift.

I was going to ask if you are in Manchester. There are a couple of men known to the police who seek out teenage boys at and around the transport hubs. I got stuck overnight at Manchester Piccadilly and the station master wouldn't let us sit in the station. He took my sister and I to his office and had us wait there. The police were greater Manchester and we lived in Cheshire so they couldn't take us home.

A member of the public expressed concern and BTP walked 3 mins home with him on the tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny off chance that he was vulnerable and something might happen.

If in the extremely unlikely case that something had happened to him after someone had expressed concern, they'd be asked to explain why they hadn't made sure he got home safe.

That's all that happened. They were covering themselves just in case.

No need to be angry about it.

I don't think there are many places in the UK where 13-year-olds aren't walking around/travelling in the hour or two after school's let out.

"I’m a police officer. I speak to many adults and children during my tour of duty. I’m also very busy. If I take the time to return a child home, especially in broad daylight when there’s lots of people around, then there’s a reason. This doesn’t add up." This

My brothers a police officer, they don't do things like this for no reason. Either there's something you're not telling us or something your son isn't telling you.

You're coming across as unnecessarily defensive and very ungrateful.

I suspect you have an idea why this happened and don't want to admit it to yourself or us. You don't have to admit anything here, but I'd suggest you do need to consider if your son is properly safe to be as independent as you're letting him be.

In fact given your reaction I wonder if he'd asked to be accompanied but was worried you'd be cross with him for doing so.

Oh, so I'm just supposed to be humble and grateful that my kid was basically not believed when he said he was fine and knew where he lived, thanks?

Not humble but grateful.

Your son's 13 and may need help despite thinking he's fine.

I'd expand @Graphista "Either there's something you're not telling us or something your son isn't telling you." to include "or the police aren't telling you".

"If there had been any real reason, either DS would have told me what happened, or the police would have done."

There are things the police can't tell you. There are things teenage boys won't tell you.

It was British Transport Police, not a standard PC. They have different roles, responsibilities and powers. And a very different workload.

OP, you don't seem to be listening to what people are saying. An adult thought your son was being teased or bullied. I think you need to accept that your son's friends are not all you think they are and may have been teasing him. It was probably good-natured but teenagers do wind each other up.

My nephew is autistic and doesn't "get" banter. He is often teased about his obsessions but he doesn't see it that way.

If enough people tell you you are wring you need to listen, OP, for your son's sake. A stranger thought he was in trouble and tried to get him help. That's where you should be concerned, were his friends being unkind?

Imagine how the Police (or BTP) would have been utterly flamed in the press if your son had been abducted or harmed and there it all was, on a transport CCTV, that a known "person of interest" was seen by the BTP in a public place, talking to a minor who appeared to have some social/learning issues. How could they possibly defend themselves!

I would find out which Friends your DS was with and give the school a quick ring just to check if they are as friendly as your DS thinks they are.

There is more to this than you were told is my view.

Contact BTP, and politely ask them if they can expand on what they said to you yesterday. They may have been unable to say much in front of your son. Maybe they wanted your name and phone number so that they could explain a situation that was of concern to them. Any info will help when your son gets his referral for possible autism.

I got a phone call from BTP when my teenage DD got distressed after missing her train. They put her in a taxi to get home, to keep her safe from anyone who might have seen her upset. I was very grateful.

Whatever the real source of your anger, police etc who are out with the public develop a good instinct for people who are vulnerable or may be targetted. Be glad your son is safe and teach him that the police are there to help.

I am wondering how clearly your DS understands sarcasm or if he can sense when others are taking the piss in a subtle way or even in a not so subtle way, for instance by pretending to be extremely enthusiastic about trains while exchanging looks and suppressing laughter.

You don't have to be outright name calling or punching someone to be bullying them.

Every other week a missing teenager is posted in the local Facebook page here (city)

So yeah put it down to experience and be glad that people Do give a shit ? Even if this time their Concern was unfounded

If your ds isn’t upset about it and the police were nice to him I’m not sure I see the problem here.

My guess is the man is known to the police and as he had singled out your ds it was probably sensible for them to take the time to walk him home safely.

I do feel a bit sorry for the police, they don’t do enough, they do too much, they can’t bloody win!

My guess is the man is known to the police and as he had singled out your ds it was probably sensible for them to take the time to walk him home safely.

There is no evidence for this. Quite the contrary.

I think if the Police had concerns about a man 'known' to them, especially if it was the person who told them about your ds, they would've warned you about their concerns (without going into detail) .

I don't think its anything to do with this at all, and I think your ds may have not told you the complete truth.

Maybe (I said maybe OP in case you flip out) your ds could've been drawing attention to himself by his behaviour. (Whatever behaviour that may be I don't know)
Maybe that's why the Police just wanted to have a chat with him as he went home, they maybe wanted to find out where he lived and probably talk to you.
Maybe your ds asked them not to discuss 'whatever' with his mum because he'd be worried about your over reaction, and they gave him a talking to and agreed.
Note all the 'maybes'.

Slievenamon:

Please follow it up. Don't let it lie
Is this a joke?

No it's not a joke. What I meant by that was, exactly the same as many many other posters have said:

Clearly there's more to this story, either bits OP is not being told by Police (on purpose or accidentally, or because they didn't feel it was appropriate to say, in front of her son, when they dropped him off.) ?

Or from ds himself.

So, I'm suggesting, as others have, that she follows it up. Not letting it lie.

Ie ask ds again.

(When my ds has a bike accident with a teachers car, we found out more bits each time we 'grilled' him, every day, (often good bits, that actually proved he was less and less to blame!) even finding out bits a week, 2 weeks later.

We were regularly shocked : "how could you not think to tell us THAT"?

He wasn't doing this on purpose. It's just presumably he didn't realise certain bits of info were so important!! )

And phone the police, and ask for more info on the case.

That's all I was recommending.
Seems odd of you to think it was a "joke"?

Wow, op . Officious dickheads... Your son is clearly far more fragile / vulnerable than you're admitting to yourself, yet anyone who recognises this and tries to help (including the police) are dismissed as officious, interfering dickheads.
Either your son didn't understand the nuances of whatever situation he found himself in, in which case, at 13 he is extremely vulnerable, or he knows exactly how the situation played out and is nervous of incurring your wrath by admitting he asked for help.
Are you the poster who believes in challenging authority for the sheer principle of it, and encourages your ds to do likewise?
Instilling contempt for authority in someone who may well need more help than most is wildly inappropriate.

Having met your lovely young man (and my boys desperately want to do it again so we must get that sorted) this seems a bit odd to me.

I can't quite work out what must have happened.

I'm wondering if someone perceived some sort of hostility towards him from the peers he was with - not saying there was but it's all subjective - and tried to intervene by talking to the BTP.

I think there's definitely need to ring the BTP and have a chat to try and find out what happened.

As you know my own situation and the kids in our experience if anyone perceives vulnerability most people want to help. Which is fine if they ask and then it can be politely declined if necessary - not always as sometimes the help is needed but I've had people just grab my chair and push me somewhere I don't want to be causing all sorts of problems without even speaking to me! The intention to help was good but the execution was a bit off.

What that blibble up there is trying to express is that maybe this person thought they were helping but in the execution got it wrong.

Morning all - Bishop, will PM you .

I phoned BTP, who were very pleasant and informed me that they have no record of any incident (other than the robbery last year). The chap I spoke to said that sometimes things like this happen - a MoP reports 'something' which turns out to be nothing but they respond accordingly. He said it might have been the community police instead, so I had a word with 101 who said that if I had not been given either a name, a shoulder number or a reference by the officers, then there was nothing to worry about and it was a non-incident.

DS this morning said that he thought the adult who reported it had 'wasted ten minutes of police time and there was no need to waste any more'.

So we are just going to let it go: nothing else to do.