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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS escorted home by the police - WTF?

245 replies

ReanimatedSGB · 19/04/2018 17:24

He's 13 and a half. He hadn't done anything wrong (as they were at pains to assure me) but someone 'reported that he seemed to be lost and potentially vulnerable', so they had asked him where he lived, brought him home, asked for my name and phone number...

It's 5pm, on a lovely sunny afternoon. DS was coming home from school. He said he had been chatting to someone about trains and train stations (he is a transport nut) - and now this? WTF? I did say to the police that he likes transport and likes to watch the trams. I am not going to insist he stays indoors all the time - why should I?

OP posts:
Original poster
ReanimatedSGB · 19/04/2018 18:57

OK, the 'escorting him home' - they walked him back from the tram stop, having first spoken to him while he was on the tram. This is about a 3 minute walk.

I don't know exactly what happened because I wasn't there, but DS is generally capable of getting himself to and from school OK (he's in Year 8 after all).

And Lynette, thanks for the insinuation that other kids don't like talking about transport with DS. FYI he has a few friends just as keen on transport as he is.

The transport police were probably erring on the safe side, but it still seems a bit odd.

OP posts:
walchesterweasel · 19/04/2018 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2018 19:01

I agree it does seem a bit odd OP, but then so does your opening post.

I am not going to insist he stays indoors all the time - why should I?

Did the police suggest this or infer you should keep him indoors all the time?

How would that work anyway, given that he was on his way home from school? Confused

motorpink · 19/04/2018 19:05

I don't know exactly what happened because I wasn't there, but DS is generally capable of getting himself to and from school OK (he's in Year 8 after all).

But not capable of explaining clearly to you what happened?

Morsecode · 19/04/2018 19:08

Who is not telling the whole story here, you or your DS?

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 19/04/2018 19:10

How are train enthusiasts any different to car or motorbike fans @LynetteScavo ? I know there is a certain stereotype related to trains but many males of all ages seem to enjoy vehicles. I'd rather an interest in that than weed or porn.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 19/04/2018 19:14

I think if the police felt your son was at risk from an adult, they would have let you know.

I am guessing that something in the communication between your son and his "friends" made a passer by uneasy, rightly or wrongly, and he flagged it with the police. They also must have felt, on speaking with your son, that he was vulnerable in that situation.

I would ask a bit more about which friends he was with, and whether you know them etc.

InsomniacAnonymous · 19/04/2018 19:16

motorpink the OP said OK, DS says that he was actually talking to his schoolfriends about trains and transport (yes, this is what he often does), and a man butted in to ask if he was lost. DS said no, and the man walked along the tram to where the transport police were, and spoke to them, at which point they came and asked DS if he was lost and, though he said no, they escorted him home.
That sounds totally clear to me.

sashh · 19/04/2018 19:19

I'm going to come out with another theory. What child watches trams rather than going home?

Obviously your transport nut son but many times children who don't want to go home due to violence or drink and drug use by the parents.

motorpink · 19/04/2018 19:21

That sounds totally clear to me.

I actually quoted the OP who said she didn't know what exactly happened when I wrote that. So it was in direct respond to the OP not knowing.

CanIBuffalo · 19/04/2018 19:29

I have DS on the spectrum - though it wouldn't be obvious unless you knew him or knew the signs well iyswim. He wasn't always aware that he was being mocked. Maybe the man heard something he thought was off in the way your DS was being treated and gently intervened. Maybe he misinterpreted the look on your DS's face and thought he was scated and in a bit of a difficult situation and couldn't get out of it. As a stranger he couldn't get your son away from the boys so he did the next best thing.
I've been in that situation and it was really hard to know what to do for the best.
In my case, having tried to deal with it directly, I followed at a distance until the group were in a more public place in case they started on the poor lad again.
I think the police should have given you more details though.

Tara336 · 19/04/2018 19:33

Police can’t win can they?Concerned for your son they bring him safely home and that’s unreasonable? If something had happened to him you’d have been baying for their blood

CaledonianQueen · 19/04/2018 19:37

My 10-year-old ds is autistic and unfortunately, he isn't always aware when his peers are taking advantage/ making a fool of him. My friend's ds is a year older and good friends with my ds, he got very, very angry at a group of boys who ds was talking to, ds thought they were just being friendly and talking about Minecraft, however, my friend's ds became defensive and got both fists up ready to fight.

My friend's son is not a boy who gets into fights, he is generally a quiet boy, however, he noticed that this group of older boys were about to start on my ds. My ds was completely oblivious, my dd and friends ds's younger sister was also there and my dd got very angry at the group of boys, yelling at them to leave ds alone. All four came back to mine and my ds was totally confused, saying the boys were just being friendly. The other three were very upset and angry at the group of boys and when ds went to the loo confided that this group were going to jump my ds until they realised that he wasn't alone.

Unfortunately, my son's autism makes him vulnerable, as a result, we have been reluctant to allow ds out alone, instead, he will go out with dh or with a group of children we trust.

I would be very thankful that the police brought your ds home. It sounds like that man spotted a danger that your ds was unable to see.

fuzzyduck33 · 19/04/2018 19:41

My guess would be that the "someone" he was chatting to was a person that the police are watching and gathering evidence on. They obviously wouldn't jeopardise anything by giving details but they wanted to be sure your ds was safe. I'd have a really good chat with your ds about stranger danger.

GabsAlot · 19/04/2018 19:43

i reckon it sounds like caledonians post they were mocking him and the adult was concerned

he prob didnt even realise so is confused as t why the police took him home

spanky2 · 19/04/2018 19:45

Could your ds1 be autistic? We're not very good at spotting harmful people and like to talk about our interests.

pudcat · 19/04/2018 19:47

I should think the adult heard or saw something not quite right happening within the group of lads with your son, something that your son did not realise was wrong, maybe threatening or mocking. He was thinking of your son's safety and so were the police.

Wintertime4 · 19/04/2018 19:56

I think in all I’d be happy strangers intervened to keep my child safe.

Yes it was all probably fine. But people looking out for my child, including the Police? I’d never ever mind this.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/04/2018 20:05

I don’t think the police intervention was excessive or officious.at all
really you should be calling the station and saying thank you
Instead of getting all exasperated that you won’t keep him in,no one suggested that
It was good community policing,and a worthwhile intervention

The police really don’t make an intervention with just cause,I’d suggest you don’t know whole story
Focus on your son rather than being preoccupied that police & adult overreacted
Try see what else you can establish of events

bonnyshide · 19/04/2018 20:06

Why are you annoyed and defensive OP, instead of appreciative?

Now is a good time to talk to DS about striking up conversations with strangers (adults) on public transport and hanging around tram stations does make him vulnerable.

You and DS need to agree on a healthy balance, where he can still enjoy his hobby but stay safe as well.

steff13 · 19/04/2018 20:10

Ok, so your son was talking to his peers. A stranger came up and asked him if he needed help, interrupting the conversation. Your son said no, but the man did not believe that for some reason and involved the police. The police, after speaking with your son, decided to escort him home. Presumably neither the man nor the police asked your son's peers whether they needed assistance or escorted them home.

Clearly something else is going on here. Strangers and the police don't single someone out and offer assistance for no reason.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/04/2018 20:13

Can’t see what on earth you’re annoyed about. Even if they were over reacting surely it’s better that they over rather than under react?! Your DS has not been hurt or upset.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/04/2018 20:16

Op, you seem to be focusing on the fact that the streets and trams and buses were FULL of kids coming home from school and taking their time about it without really seeing the significance of this.
Your child seemed vulnerable enough to draw the attention of a passerby and have the police take it seriously, even though he was apparently in a group of kids at the time.
I'd be digging a lot deeper if I were you, rather than assuming he was being persecuted for no reason.

Tika77 · 19/04/2018 20:33

I can’t believe people are assuming the poor bloke was a ‘kiddy-fiddler’. He bloody alerted the police....
OP have you tried calling the police and ask them?
(I’m also suspecting bullying.)

EduCated · 19/04/2018 20:47

The man coming to ask if your DS was ok does sound like the sort of thing someone might do if they wanted to intervene in a situation without drawing huge attention by asking if the child was ok.

I agree that the police don’t jut go around escorting kids home, but I don’t think that is a bad thing against your DS, if that makes sense?

I think the suggestions that the stranger may have read the situation differently to your DS, and thought there was an element of bullying/threat, are credible, whether or not that person was mistaken are another matter.

What happened to DS’ friends - where were they at the point the police began walking him home?

My only other thought was whether he might match the description of a missing child and they wanted to make sure he lived where he said he did/that he was who he said he was, though that might be grasping at straws somewhat.