Spin off from thread about favourite child-DH prefers ours over his sons

[Vanessatiger]

It’s a complicated story but his sons were literally taken away from him at young age - first wife filed for divorce, took more than half of his fortune (she was sahm), remarried and decided that DH was no longer a suitable dad, told sons to call stepdad “daddy” and told DH that he’s only their biological dad and nothing else as they now have a new daddy. 2 years later DH remarried (to me), ex wife got jealous her boys spent time with me, she limited contact to the point of no contact. Moved the boys far away.

Fast forward a few years, court battles, low contact, DH got a new job abroad, decided on new start. We moved away since we didn’t get to see the boys anyway.
Now we have 2 DCs of our own. DH clearly favours ours as he feels more connected to ours. In his will, our children will get a bigger share because when the ex left she took more than half of the family fortune, so they’ll not do badly anyway.

See how damaging it is to limit contact with the father. It’s not DH’s fault he feels this way. But I do feel bad for the boys. They are now late teens.

I don't believe a single word of that nonsense.

OP, I'm going to actually realise what real life is like, and that you're DP can't spend his entire life badgering his ex for contact, that's just not good for his kids and TBH that's life for a lot of families, that I see the reality. No one is perfect, we're all doing our best.
Knowing lots of dads that are shit and out of their kids' lives because they just don't care, as long as his kids know he's there when they need him that's the main thing.

Your previous threads are extremely interesting, obviously in the context of this one. Each thread you change your tune, sometimes everyone else is crazy and awful and against you, others you show off inappropriately, and boast of a perfect idyllic life. You are lying to yourself. You have said you don’t love your husband, he treats your kids terribly, has treated HIS kids terribly, and was so abusive to you during a previous pregnancy that you felt it caused your late miscarriage. In this thread/version of your marriage he’s a great dad and it’s all wonderful. The whole thing sounds like a spin-off of Big Little Lies. Stop lying to yourself, spend your bundles of cash on a really good therapist, try and get to the bottom of why you are lying to yourself in order to improve this dreadful situation. I don’t care how many staff you’ve got and how rich your husband supposedly is, lying to yourself and bullshitting on threads is really unhealthy and miserable. Get help, please!

jaimelannistersgoldenhand Thu 19-Apr-18 07:28:10
"If your h was a good Dad then he'd realise that the boys are victims and shouldn't be punished for their mother's actions."

If your dh was a good man he would not put it in black on white, in his last testament, the last message his sons will ever get from him, something that clearly shows he does not love them as much as he loves his other children. There is simply no need for this.

He may not be able to control his feelings, but he bloody well can control what he says and does. This is not about "nobody is perfect"; it's about spite. Pure spite.

My mum made things awful for my dad when they split up. She would repeatedly spout vile stuff about him to us, arrange access dates and either not turn up to the meeting point or would refuse to hand us over after he'd driven three hours to see us amongst numerous other things.
My point is though that although he went onto remarry and have more children, he never gave up fighting for us.
We have a wonderful relationship with him now we're adults and are NC with our mum. You reap what you sow and I am so pleased my father never gave up and walked away from us when it would have been easier for him to do so and what my mum would have wanted.
I think the fact that you moved abroad away from his DC, coupled with the fact that your DH has provided less for them in his will will cause resentment and will reiterate that they are second best to your children.

And the point of this terrible plot for a novel AIBU is what, exactly? The OP clearly doesn't think she's U at all, so why ask?!