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Original poster

To get arsey when people tell me my baby should be sleeping through..

101 replies

ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 16:17

My mother this time....
DS is 5 and a half months and doesn't sleep through yet. Some nights are worse than others but I've stopped checking the time and just co-sleep and feed lying down. I have resigned myself to the fact that he may not for a while and that's that and I can survive and it will all be fine

Then the look of horror on my mother's face as she says "he should have started sleeping through long before now..." fills me with rage.

And all the magic babies belonging to all the women at baby group who sleep from 7 until 7 don't help either

Maybe I should just lie next time and say yes, he is and leave it at that.

OP posts:
user1499786242 · 18/04/2018 16:19

My kid is nearly 3 and still doesn't 'sleep through' but then again neither do I and I'm a grown adult so how can I expect a baby/child too?

Ignore ignore and ignore some more

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2018 16:21

Don't listen to a word of it. DD didn't sleep through until she was 2 and none of the 'helpful' advice in the world could have helped her. The early wakers thread on here saved my life. She was getting up at 4.17am for the day. And EVRYONE wanted to tell me what I was doing wrong.

But she was just that kid and now sleeps 8-7 happily at 7 yo.

Somethingveryrandom · 18/04/2018 16:23

People exaggerate. Its competitive parenting.

My DD is 14 months and has slept through the night twice.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 18/04/2018 16:24

At least half the people at baby group are lying. fuck knows why, but it's true. I was amazed how many lied but then confided privately about it being a load of crap. Confused

Dc1 started regularly sleeping through at about a year. Dc2 is 9 months and doesn't yet. It'll come eventually, until then, WineWink

Spaghettijumper · 18/04/2018 16:26

You have to grow a thick skin against this sort of idiocy, because it doesn't stop. Next it'll be weaning, then crawling, then talking. Just ignore.

My DD didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours until she was 18 months. There was nothing I could do to change it and believe me I tried. I never lied to anybody when they asked me about her sleeping - I just said 'No, she doesn't sleep, at all, ever.' I think they knew from the look of utter despair on my face that it was better not to say any more.

TheDisreputableDog · 18/04/2018 16:26

Don't engage. 5 months would be ridiculously early to sleep through, I liked to assume that everyone who told me their child was sleeping through was a liar.

Original poster
ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 16:29

But... why lie? Surely it's be better if we all told the truth and there was a bit more camaraderie?

Anyway, the worst nights I've had maybe 90 minutes sleep and guess what? I survived the next day so it will be fine Smile

OP posts:
TheVeryHungryBookworm · 18/04/2018 16:30

DD is the same age and the longest she's ever slept through the night is 6 hours. Most of my NCT friends with babies roughly same age say the same, and the one who says her baby sleeps 12 hours through is probably telling fibs or her husband is taking the night feeds and not telling her.

Chimcha · 18/04/2018 16:31

Ha my 'baby' is almost 5 and still not sleeping through - people have stopped commenting now!! ;-)

TheVeryHungryBookworm · 18/04/2018 16:36

I should say that the 6 hour stunts have been twice, and one of those was after she'd been dosed up with calpol after jabs. Usually she wakes 2-3 times a night. I think people sometimes get a rose-tinted view of things after a few decades. Lord knows I've had plenty of perfectly useless advice from my own mum.

Original poster
ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 16:40

one of those was after she'd been dosed up with calpol after jabs

Same!

OP posts:
KT63 · 18/04/2018 16:43

I had terrible sleepers, and I mean fucking awful. DS1 didn’t sleep through until he was 5, DD was on and off until 2, DS2 slept for 20 minutes at a time for the first 6 months and then 2 hours at a time until last year (he was 3). I used to want to gouge people’s eyes out with a fucking spoon when they smugly said “oh mine did this or that” or “oh have you tried such and such it worked for mine!”

dirtyquerty · 18/04/2018 16:43

calm down!
people are just trying to sympathise with your sleeplessness!.They will also tell you your child is a poor sleeper because they are so bright.

Happyandshiney · 18/04/2018 16:48

I have twins and they were breastfed for 18 months.

One started sleeping through at about 12 months the other still didn’t really sleep through at 3yo. Same food, same naps, same routine.

IME it’s down to the individual child and very little to do with parenting.

Some babies do sleep through.

Some parents lie. Goodness knows why. I just know that my NCT friends would tell me the their babies slept and all was going swimmingly while their DH’s told my DH an entirely different story.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 18/04/2018 16:52

But... why lie? Surely it's be better if we all told the truth and there was a bit more camaraderie?

Same reason you're considering lying. Because for some fucking bizarre reason it's considered a marker for your success as a parent and if they aren't people give you an earful of what you're Doing Rong.

IJustLostTheGame · 18/04/2018 16:54
Flowers I remember being told this and having to sit on my hands in order to stop myself physically assaulting them. my baby didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time day or night for 14 months solid
londonrach · 18/04/2018 16:55

Dont worry op. (Whispers) My daughter slept through from 8-6 from 3 months but refused to eat till now (20 months). Its been hell seeing all the other babies eat whilst dd just throw food on the floor. You find this. One baby sleep through but wont eat, another sleep and eat but not walk till 18 months (got a friend whos dd did this). They all different. Enjoy the magical time in the middle of the night when its just you and your baby awake as it be over before you know it. Sounds strange but i miss it but not the triedness. Xx

Cornettoninja · 18/04/2018 16:55

Your attitude is great, try not to let the comments get to you Flowers

My dd is still not sleeping through at 2.5 and I think I threw in the towel around eight months when I went back to work and just needed to sleep no matter how.

Other people will always feel the need to comment. It comes from seeking some sort of superiority I'm sure, but unless you've had a bad sleeper people just can't comprehend that some kids just don't. Just like some kids are bad eaters, don't talk till later on, don't get on with potty training, struggle with reading etc.

For some reason it's an indication of your lack of parenting skills and must be highlighted at every opportunity so you know you're failing. Usually accompanied by helpful advice that you must have somehow never tried.....

mommybear1 · 18/04/2018 16:56

Oh OP I hear you WineWinemy LO is also 5.5 months and has not been a great sleeper from the get go. He started to go down for 4 hours max from 10pm but that has now ceased and he is back to waking every 2 hours. Every mom I have spoken to has an angel that's sleeping 7-7 - I was literally crying wondering what I had done wrong until HV said everyone lies! My delightful MIL has advised to leave him to cry it out and can't believe I haven't got him in a sleep routine yet Hmm. I'm with you OP why lie? It would be so much better if there was more camaraderie. Thank you for your post.

Rowgtfc72 · 18/04/2018 16:59

Just to put the other side, dd slept 7-7 from two weeks. The abuse I took from people at baby group and health visitors for allowing her to sleep through and being so cruel as to not wake her for a feed. As a new mum I had no idea whether to wake her or leave her and began to wonder if I was harming her.
Some babies sleep,some don't. Feel for those who are sleep deprived.

corcaithecat · 18/04/2018 16:59

My DS was one of those that slept solidly from an early age but...he wasn't dry at night until 7 years old so having to buy night time nappies was getting v. expensive and for years I was worried it would never happen. All my friends with babies who didn't sleep much at night in the beginning were all night time dry by 3yrs.
I think there's always something we can stress about, so best just to nod, smile and ignore if you find someone deliberately trying to ruffle you.
Hope the routine gets easier soon.

Fruitcorner123 · 18/04/2018 17:01

Because for some fucking bizarre reason it's considered a marker for your success as a parent and if they aren't people give you an earful of what you're Doing Rong.

Yep so true. I remember two of my cousins( who were also each other's cousins) having babies of similar age and their mums discussing how X is sleeping through but Y isn't because Ys mum fussed over her all the time and made her needy. This was when I was too young to know better.

The older generation particularly seem to be judgy about babies waking in the night for feeds once they reach about 3 months. They also seem to be judgy about feeding on demand, waiting for 6 months to wean, breastfeeding past 6 months, BLW, cosleeping and not letting them cry it out.

I am not saying all women in that generation are like this but many are in my experience.

I vow to not judge my daughters parenting choices by the rules and standards of today

Amanduh · 18/04/2018 17:03

People talk rubbish. They shouldn’t be ‘doing’ anything. I was lucky though, people aren’t always lying, I’m not! Ds slept through 9-7ish at that age bar teething or new skills. He’s still a good sleeper. All babies are different!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/04/2018 17:03

My mom's 3rd child still doesn't sleep through, at 36 I assume I never will. DS sleeps like a bear in Winter. Alas the childling tAkes after his momma

gnarlington · 18/04/2018 17:04

I have had this all through my sons life. He is nearly 5 now and only occasionally will sleep all the way through the night. Most nights he comes in to me at some point.
Just nod and smile and then ignore!

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