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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get arsey when people tell me my baby should be sleeping through..

101 replies

ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 16:17

My mother this time....
DS is 5 and a half months and doesn't sleep through yet. Some nights are worse than others but I've stopped checking the time and just co-sleep and feed lying down. I have resigned myself to the fact that he may not for a while and that's that and I can survive and it will all be fine

Then the look of horror on my mother's face as she says "he should have started sleeping through long before now..." fills me with rage.

And all the magic babies belonging to all the women at baby group who sleep from 7 until 7 don't help either

Maybe I should just lie next time and say yes, he is and leave it at that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 17:04

mommybear Wine to you too!

It is tough - especially the part where you don't even get an evening anymore. If I don't go to bed at 8pm with DS I've no chance of getting any sleep. I don't spend much time with DH and I won't get to enjoy the lighter nights as much. But I guess there will be plenty more years for that and DS will only be little once Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 17:07

They also seem to be judgy about feeding on demand, waiting for 6 months to wean, breastfeeding past 6 months, BLW, cosleeping and not letting them cry it out

Agree 100% with this! DM hates all this stuff Hmm
Just today we had a 'I don't agree with women who are still breastfeeding after a year...'

OP posts:
Figgygal · 18/04/2018 17:10

Ah yes the constant comments and comparing are so boring!!

My 18 month old only started sleeping through in the last couple of months still not reliably there is no SHOULD when it comes to sleep

LokiBear · 18/04/2018 17:14

Dd1 didn't sleep tbrough until she was 2.5. Then she decided she was going to sleep in until 9am on a weekend. Dd2 is 14 months and going the same way!

MagicFajita · 18/04/2018 17:19

Op , if you feed your baby enough during the day and do their bedtime routine properly then they will easily sleep 7-7.

I'm just kidding, my 6mo still wakes plenty in the night and is nightmare to get settled for bed. He's tricky but very cute alsoSmile

Original poster
ethelfleda · 18/04/2018 17:20

Magic haha I've had that! I can't force him to eat!
Luckily Ds is also very cute Smile

OP posts:
AgentCooper · 18/04/2018 17:22

Yes yes yes. My DS is exactly the same - 6 months now and we co-sleep and feed lying down.

Health visitor at our old GP said when he was 4 months that I should give him mashed potato to get him to sleep and obviously I was looked at as weird helicopter mother for pointing out that this contravened NHS guidelines Grin

It's hard when you feel like the only one in your position Flowers I hated the sympathetic looks, even though I knew I wasn't being judged as a bad mother and everyone else was fully aware that their babies sleeping through was just luck!

Seeinthedark · 18/04/2018 17:23

The first time ds slept through the night was at 9 months but it didn't happen often. He didn't sleep through properly until 18 months when he started walking. I got a lot of shitty and unhelpful comments for his late walking.

snowballsandsunshine · 18/04/2018 17:23

I've had the same as @londonrach. My DD (just two) is a great sleeper and was from fairly early on. It was nothing I did, pure luck. She's a terrible pest for food though. Fussy, was a nightmare to wean, would only eat puréed baby food until she was 18 months - I could go on!

Every child has its 'difficult' thing. I agree people should just be honest though, it'd make things much nicer for us all if we could just moan together!

On a side note I hate the word 'should' when it comes to babies and very young children. There's no bloody 'should' about it!!

AgentCooper · 18/04/2018 17:25

If I don't go to bed at 8pm with DS I've no chance of getting any sleep

And I'm so glad it's not just me who's not getting their evenings either! DS falls asleep on me at 9 and this allows me to watch telly, eat a Cornetto etc but I can't read or knit or kick back with DH.

ThaiRedCurry · 18/04/2018 17:27

My daughter slept through from about 8 months, she still wakes up 3/7 nights a week usually because she has lost her dummy. It pissed me off when my doctor looked shocked that she didn't sleep through by 6 months! It's worth the wait xxx

pigsDOfly · 18/04/2018 17:29

Nah, ignore them all. People lie, people forget, which is probably the case for your DM, unless she left you to cry and told herself that because she didn't go to you you were sleeping through.

From what my exMil used to say one would conclude that all her four DC were born talking, walking and sitting up feeding themselves, with a spoon of course.

My middle DC slept through at a fairly early age, but she was always a good sleeper. The other two seemed never to sleep, the first being an absolute nightmare; made up for it once he became a teenager though.

TroubledLichen · 18/04/2018 17:33

Funny I’ve had totally the opposite experience. I have a brilliant sleeper who dropped her night feed at 6 weeks old and has done 12 hours from 3 months, although I’m totally aware it’s more luck than anything I’ve specifically done. However, I go to baby groups all the other mothers talk about is lack of sleep, night feeds, co-sleeping, sleep consultants and I feel tempted to lie to join in!!

babysharkdodododododo · 18/04/2018 17:36

I am the same!! My little boy is 6 months and he's not sleeping through, not even close. But I wasn't expecting him to, because he's only 6 months old.

If one more person tells me that he should be sleeping through now/doesn't need milk at night/have you tried offering water?/no don't offer water he'll get used to it/have you tried a dream-feed/don't do a dream-feed he doesn't need it...etc etc.

Honestly, ignore it all and keep doing what you're doing Brew

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 18/04/2018 17:37

DS1 slept through from 6 weeks. DS2 is 7 and has slept through the night less than ten times in his whole life. Because he's evil.

No, babies do what they do and you just go with they needs/routine. One of mine was textbook at doing what he was meant to, the other danced to his own tune. I learned early on to smile at people's advice and then ignore it. It's all nonsense.

DeadGood · 18/04/2018 17:38

Oh this sounds exactly like something my MIL would say. I can picture it so clearly.
These women did some very stupid shit in the name of “routine” such as leaving their babies in the garden to scream for hours. I’m sure it gave them a lovely rest (god knows I’d have liked a guaranteed 4 hour break at the same time every day) and made them feel very pleased with themselves at what good parents they were.
Things were a lot simpler back then. I’d go for the tinkly laugh approach if I were you. “Oh yes, I’ve read about all the things you lot used to get up to in the 70s and 80s! Thankfully we know better now, hahaha”

ShackUp · 18/04/2018 17:57

DS1 is 5 and a half years and doesn't sleep through. DS2 22mo and wakes up multiple times per night.

It's normal. Our parents' generation had weird ideas about what babies should or shouldn't do at a very young age. It's all rubbish.

Knittedfairies · 18/04/2018 18:04

My babies were born in the ‘80s. My mum had weird ideas then... It is possible that current thinking will seem weird to the next generation of parents too.

SingingSands · 18/04/2018 18:11

It’s worse when it’s your own mother making those comments. My mum was the same, it really annoyed me. Luckily she was 250 miles away so I just used to make an excuse to hang up the call.

You just have to shrug it off. And go and cuddle your gorgeous wee sleep-thief because who cares really if a tiny baby doesn’t sleep through? What effect did my baby not sleeping have on my mum’s life? NONE!!

pigsDOfly · 18/04/2018 18:12

My babies were all born in the 80s. I don't think my ideas were weird.

In fact I did pretty much what my DD is doing with her babies now.

Mine were all entirely breast fed and I certainly never expected them to sleep through the night.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 18/04/2018 18:16

Don't talk to them! My 2 year old still wakes up occasionally and my 5 month old wakes every night and when I hear people boasting of their 2 week old sleeping for 24 hours my eyes glaze over and I have been known to blurt 'booooooooring' sometimes but generally I avoid that chatSmile

Prettylovely · 18/04/2018 18:16

Why do people lie about it, how strange, most of my friends babies/toddlers dont sleep, My 18month old still doesnt.
I really look forward to getting a full nights sleep one day whenever it eventually happens...

IHateToCashew · 18/04/2018 18:24

DS is 17 weeks, and still wakes LOTS. All that's improved it slightly is if he goes to bed with his toy fox, then it's generally only 3-4 times.

Just ignore, or better yet, tell them to bugger off Grin babies are unpredictable. You can't force them to do what you want.

pointythings · 18/04/2018 18:28

At your baby's age 'sleeping through' is if they do a 5 hour stretch at least once... And some don't.

DD1 was the best sleeper in the world. Fully BF, would go from a dream feed at 10 pm until 7 am the next day from 10 weeks. I thought I was so great.

Then DD2 came along and until almost 1 you could set an alarm by her - 11.30 and 2.30 am she wanted feeding. Proper hunger, drained both sides in about 20 minutes and then conked out. And I had to go back to work when she was 6 months.

They 're teenagers and sleep like logs now.

QueenOfMyWorld · 18/04/2018 18:29

My ds didn't sleep through til 1 yr old