for being a SAHM

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

erm, because the cost is prohibitive for residential SN care, even if both parents are working!

sorry misread. Some parents are fortunate enough to be able to afford it!

well we looked at one of the best sn schools which was boarding. brilliant school but and big but it wasn't right for dd. so we kept her at the school she is at which is not a boarding school (although some children do weekly board if they live along way away or have family reasons) she has respite there.
she wants to be at home with her family and her family want her here. I find the "oh i know people who have done so and so" annoying as everyone has different reasons for what they do. at the end of the day I do what is tight for my children.

oh and also we would have most likely been told by lea that they wouldn't fund it

i dont think working mothers are emotionally unstable xenia but anyone who feels a mother that decides it is more important to stay home and care for a child that has considerable needs is wasting her life and that instead she should put her child into a boarding school does have some part of their brain missing.

to you yoru career may mean more than anything, to most mothers its their children.

If i had thechoice i would work tomorrow, but that choice would only arise if i knew my children were btoh settled and well cared for and didnt need me between teh hours of 9-5. i certainly wouldn't like teh lifestyle you have posted about frequantly.
the idea of not seeing my children for days on end as they are cared for by "staff" or having my child left alone in hospital with only her siblings visit her because my career came first appauls me.

i would much rather be skint and have people call me a sponger than to emotionally neglect my children.

I think my dp would be quite happy to stay at home to be a SAHD if we had a child but as it stands, it wouldn't be affordable since he earns more than three times my last permanent salary as I've never been one to pursue riches as long as my bills get paid one way or another with some left over for pocket money (darn my lack of ambition or clarity in what I'd like to do as a career ). He's quite envious of me having had time (in theory) to visit the gym during the day, go shopping, get my hair done and generally take life a bit easier than fitting life-enrichment into two days a week. I'm not so sure he'd have the patience to run a child to the various activities that are almost expected in the social round of a modern baby now but you can't have it both ways. Stopping at home may not be work as such but it can be hard work.

Ohhh don't you wish we could bury this old one once and for all. I am a WOHM or whatever acronym one chooses to use and work 4 days a week and earn enough money to pay for a really lovely nanny whom we share with another family. I consider myself very very lucky.

That said I do really really miss the little monkey some days and get very antsy if i'm ever at work later than 5.30 (happens very rarely). However I had been wanting to cut my hours down further when my husband was made redundant-for the moment I'm very glad to be a working mother because we all rely on my income.

I think most of us fall somewhere between the two extremes of mothers who love working and only want to be with their babies for an hour or two a day and those who are completely happy to be full time mothers and take the income drop/ loss of pension etc etc and don't in any way miss the intellectual buzz, sense of achievement and social interaction that work can provide.
The reason I'm posting is that I think those who feel strongly one way or another are more likely to post on MN giving rise to polarised arguments and strong feelings whereas the vast majority of us are hovering somewhere in the middle ...trying our best to be good mothers, loving our children and generally getting on with life.

That's a bit misrepresentative of what I said, m, I think. I don't like boarding schools. In 22 years we have rarely had a child in hospital but when they have been it's not been serious and they've had very adequate care there with all of us visiting when we can adn if some of that time might be a nanny they have known as long as their parents I don't see why her sitting patiently by the bed for an hour or two is any worse than a visiting granny doing a bit of a shift.

I think this is now turning into it either black or white.

Life is not like that.

At the end of the day if our children need us we will be there for them. If not, then you have to consider that there are reasons which you, are not in a position to make judgement because you do not know all the facts.

Just opened this, haven't read the thread, but based on the title I was going to do a page search for a laugh to see if Xenia had contributed yet, but there she is, 2 posts down.

oh xenia xenia xenia.. how many times on this thread do you fele you have been misquoted. OF course it couldnt possibly be because you are making sweeping outlandish and inflammatroy comments.. of course nt cos that would be accepting that perhaps others have valid points. Does this make you feel less valid then?

Obviously loving this thread then xenia - centering it on you and your oh so worrying lifestyle. I will absolutely love it if your darling older children choose to be stay at home parents due to the fact that they felt this very thing was what they missed out on.

lucyellensmum - NOOOO never the nigth garden

LMAO MadameP

what about if that child was seriously ill Xenia....would a nanny suffice then for a mother?

"A bit like I wouldn't want to do gardening all day"

I would LOVE to do gardening all day. So Xenia, whats wrong with people who love gardening??? - harumph!

I do do gardening for quite a lot of the day, and I love it.

Ooooh Xenia, your views not only offend SAHM's they also offend me greatly!

I chose Nannying as my career (imagine that such a dull job!)

You may not want to spend your time with your children which is fair enough...Personally I can't think of anything worse than being in an office every day!

ScottishThistle I would consider what you have posted as a nanny you should have respect for the parents choice and or else you wouldn't have a job! Do they work in an office?

I put my neck out here....

2shoes I have the greatest respect for you and your family and others in your position.

.. what about SAHM who do not have SN children.. are we unreasonable then? Not like i give a feck if we are.

awen of course you arn't no more than working mums are. it's what ever suits best in my book

did someone start this thread just to get people fighting agian. what a bloody stupid question to ask in the first place.
yr unreasonable to think that anyone cares!

Wotzsaname, I don't think my post is in any way disrespectful to anyone...I was merely posting in response to Xenia's repetetive "Oh how dull" posts!

It's tiresome & I think we all get the message of her views on child rearing!

not you thistle! the person asking the question in the first place. may as well call the thread 'hey xenia (or anyone else for that matter), come on here and make some people cross why don't you.'

worktostayathome.. how very very helpful your comments are.

workstostaysane inteligent comment