Petty random things that make you want to lose your shit

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Colleague buys 2 bananas every Monday. Has done so ever since I've worked there (1+ year). They sit on her desk until they go bad and then get thrown away on a Friday. EVERY week. I've never seen her eat one of the damn things yet come Monday another 2 take up residence on her desk.

Otherwise she's a lovely woman and a great pal. But those bananas... just looking at them makes me ragey.

Anyone else have totally petty, pointless things that you should ignore but instead feeds the inner rage demon?

My list could be endless. Current annoyances are:

People who don't indicate until they are turning a corner.

Reading 'pack up' instead of 'packed lunch'.

People who drive 10m under the speed limit - where I live there are a ridiculous number of people that drive everywhere at 20mph.

People that spend longer telling you what they want to do when they could do it themselves in half the time it took them to explain. I used to have a boss that would phone me and ask me to ring someone, when he could have just rung them instead

People that tap, chew, click, squeak their chairs, just generally make loads of noise.

Whistling. Makes me want to punch the person in the face. Hard.

Slow walkers.

People that don't pick their feet up when they walk.

The way some people speak - I don't know what the spoken version of illiterate is but there are some very unfortunate people out there.

People that don't seem to ever wash their cup - there are a couple of people here at work who keep the same cup and the insides are black with tea staining.

People that don't make their children behave properly in public.

Children that scream that earsplitting scream.

Loud people when I'm trying to have a nice meal out and can't concentrate on the menu or what people are saying.

People that smoke nearby when I'm eating.

I should probably stop there

People who walk fast enough to overtake you, and then slow right down in front of you so you have to do the pedestrian version of an emergency stop. People seem to do this all the time when I have the buggy. They just seem to assume I’ll walk slower than them without paying attention to the actual speed. A guy the other day was fucking jogging to pass me the other day, then promptly reverted to ambling as soon as he was in front of me.

• DD (7) saying "do you know" at the start of every sentence

• DD saying "can you tell" instead of "can you ask" this drives me insane i've told her a billion times what the difference for the last 4 years yet she still does not get it!

• DD winging or crying for no reason what so ever

• people not indicating especially if i'm waiting at a roundabout

• one particular friend on Facebook (school mum) who CANNOT spell to save her life and posts nearly everyday

• i cant bare the voice of Morrisey or Red Hot Chilli Peppers

• slurping milk from a spoon

• OH biting his nails or picking spots for what feels like forever

• someone (especially OH) telling ME how I feel

BUT THE BIGGEST BUG BARE EVER is when someone asks you to try a food or drink and you politely decline but they go on and on and on i lose my shit.. if i wanted to try it i would have said yes im not going to change my mind!

People who don't finish sentences in one go.

My DH is a fucker for this:
"I was thinking we should paint the kitchen [takes massive, 6 second gulp of drink] a green colour because that will [shovels a mountain of food into his gob and chews for a full 10 second] mean it matches the dining room"

AHHHHH

When we order a takeaway and DH just digs around the bag for the starters (e.g. chicken balls) and starts eating them while we are plating up in the kitchen before even sitting down and enjoying it together. Drives me up the m-f-ing wall every time, and I think he just does it to wind me up now!!!!

Being the only person in the house who:

-folds washing
-replaces toilet roll
-puts milk bottles outside for milkman
-wipes kitchen benches clean
-notices recycling is overflowing

And DH telling me he's done the washing up, expecting a big thank you like he's done me a favour, but really just shoving dishes in the dishwasher and leaving pans to soak 😡

Highlighted every time Masterchef is on and they present their dish to the critic saying "enjoy". Grips my shit and I find myself screaming at the TV "It, it. I hope you enjoy it".

Another human traffic-hater here.

People stopping to have a chat in the doorway of a shop. In the DOORWAY. Yesterday I stood and watched a group of 6 having a lovely old natter in the entrance to the supermarket, while the automatic doors slid repeatedly open and tried to shut twenty times around them. I swear they could have closed on their heads, skulls popping, and they'd still have been oblivious.

And in a similar vein, when people get to the top of an escalator, step off, and stop and look around / fiddle with their bag, even when they're still inside the handrails. WHERE DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GO - OVER THE SIDE?!

It happened once at an airport and I yelled "HWAH!" in the woman's ear at top volume from behind her. She looked so shocked, I genuinely think she'd just discovered there were other human beings living on her planet.

People who tar certain groups with the same brush based on the actions of the minority. A few rotten apples doesn't make a whole barrel bad.

People who do not indicate when they drive.

People who can't say no to their kids in case they throw a huge screaming/crying fit.

People who do not wait for you to get off public transport. That annoyed me a lot when I lived in London.

The (different) person who comes in late to my yoga class and plonks her mat loudly far too close to me. It really pisses me off and I have to smile and pretend it’s ok when I want to say oh fuck off.

People who go into a trance when they eat and attack their food holding knife and fork like surgeons tools. God this pisses me off.

Snot being snorted back in loudly, I nearly boak.

I’m lovely really.

People on here who put ddog or dcat. It's taken you more effort. Why?

When the dc were little they would ask "what's for tea?" and I'd tell them and ten minutes later they'd ask again!

I used to take a deep breath and, through gritted teeth, say "Think very carefully, what did I tell you last time you asked me?" and they would always know, they must have just found it easier to ask me again than have a think for a couple of seconds!

I hate "what's for tea?" anyway as I always feel it implies "I'm hungry, when are you going to shift your bum and start making my tea?"

As I'm typing this, dh is eating his lunch in the kitchen and it sounds like he's trying to saw through the plate as well as the food - argh!!

T1M2N3T4 That just makes me laugh 😂 I've seen DHamster!

My biggest bugbear is the babyish language on 'Bing' (CBeebies): e.g. 'nosy' instead of nose, 'taty' instead of potato, etc. I can't bear it and don't understand why the BBC is using baby language when it should be helping children learn to speak properly.

I don't buy grapes for my toddler even though he loves them because it annoys me that I have to slice them up first.

It is surely only a matter of time before pre sliced grapes are in the shops.

Brushing my teeth especially at night when I'm tired - I know I have to and I do do it but it really really winds me up more than it should 😂.

It’s literally like, I’m like, she was like, literally like like like 😡

People standing in the kitchen chomping noisily on a bowl of cereal and moving slightly to get out of the way, and then still being in the way because I am trying to use the kitchen as a kitchen. Go and sit down somewhere and eat, maybe at a table.

People who take their children to a pub/restaurant where there is a sign requesting that they are not allowed to run riot (or similar wording) and keep an eye on them indoors, but let them ruin it for everyone else trying to enjoy dinner in the garden by charging about between the tables and yelling, climbing the trees and flattening the plants.

The ones that stop at the top of escalators - yes, I have had to shove someone off the top off one of the trolley ones in Tesco because I couldn't move backwards and they didn't move forwards. Hopefully a trolley up the arse will make them think twice next time.

The BBC tennis coverage makes my teeth itch when they refer to Wimbledon as SW19

As in 'Now here's whathisface with the latest from SW19'

There are less syllables and it's a lot quicker to say WIMBLEDON than ess-double-yuuu-nine-teen. I have no interest whatsoever in tennis but it still winds me up. (I might as well change my username to M11)

A few more.

This constant head cold that has been going on for six months.
Rita and her '2 persons' nonsense. It's 2 people, plural. I can't even think straight when she says it. She had the audacity to call me 'sweetie' the other day : she won't be doing that again, will she now, because the look I gave her could have frozen blood.
Idiots on the train who lean forward on their phone. Your head is nearly in my lap, sonny, not a good place to be. And I need to blow my snoz because of the headcold so fuck off at this station so I can have a good toot, please.

Tooth pronounced tuth
And careful pronounced carefuw.
Kettle brimming for one cup of tea.

Before I say anything else, I just want to say I love my DP beyond measure. He's my best friend, he makes me laugh, he's my greatest ally, I fancy the pants off him and all that.

But.

Every now and then, he takes the notion to put on a pirate voice and go, 'Argh, Jim-laaaaad,' apropro of absolutely nothing.

When this happens, it makes me want to rip my own head off and throw it at him. I have no idea why he does it, and I have no idea why it elicits such visceral hatred within me, but he does, and it does and I just wish he would STOP.

SIL's gum line. She looks like the donkey from Shrek when she grins. Gives me the rage.

Everyone who hates water down their arm when brushing their teeth... have you tried just keeping it in your face?