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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry about being called names because I go out once a week

170 replies

Bedtimesnacks · 16/04/2018 18:55

Posted about my situation last week on here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3217702-Husband-getting-drunk-with-children-Going-to-have-to-give-up-on-my-dreams-Please-help

Things have moved on a bit since then. Friday evening husband decided to go to the pub sink a skin full and come home drunk and with the hump. He uses alcohol as a tool with which to be verbally and in the past physically abusive as if it's a justification. This has gone on loads over the years.

His gripe is I have a hobby I take part in once a week / once a fortnight. Sometimes I go on my own or with my brother. Other times i take one or both eldest sons.

I don't drink at home ever. Don't smoke don't do the whole ladies that lunch going shopping etc etc so this is my social outlet. Going back a few years into the relationship I had very very few friends and only went out a couple of times a YEAR. I didn't take active part in my hobby either due to my children being young. On the odd occasion I did go with my brother , husband would be off with me when I got back home . Anyway I guess it's a catch 22 the more he's been an arse to me the more I have pulled away and immersed myself in hobby once a week / fortnight and I now have (a smàll network of friends) there . The more this has happened the more he has sulker, ignored me, called me names treated me like shit.

Now I have looked to go back to work in a career (all detailed in previous thread) he has been even more funny. Is it jealous? Does he feel left out ? Am I being out of order?

Going back when my kids were young he would think nothing of taking off up the pub with no notice (I would have dinner cooked and ring to see where he is and he would be pissed up in the pub somewhere) he lost his license many years ago for DD. He's assaulted me physically on many occasions (nothing in the last 7 years since we married though) one of the times resulted in a court appearance and conviction for assault as it was a bad beating I took. Now the roles have reversed and I am the one going out all hell has broken lose. He's gone to his family slagging me off as a bad mum, says I am living the single life, don't want to be here. Poor him. How I 'dump' the kids on him to go out. He's their father ffs. What does he think I do all week when he's at work. How does he think incoped when he would be in a pub somewhere or pissed up indoors and I was trying to keep all the plates spinning and shield them as much as I could from it. Bit suddenly I am the biggest see you next Tuesday going.

I am so so angry. Our son's birthday was at the weekend and he wanted me to take him to my hobby. Husband arranged with his family for us to take the child for a happy meal and cake etc . All hell broke lose because the child wanted to do this activity with me even though I said it wasn't possible that day and we would do it another weekend. Well husband came home and recons I manipulated child into requesting this. That I have snubbed his family. And with that he had me against the wall, threw cushions at me which missed and smashed a photo frame. Spat on the floor and called me scum. Said my mum hated me. My dad didn't want me. I am a bitch,mess, fat, loser, cunt , whore , not worth the shit on his shoe as he rubbed it into the carpet . Then said he's ashamed of me as I want to be a 'screw' . This went on for several hours while I was trying to wrap the child's birthday presents. The police were called by a passer by. He was arrested and spent the night in cells before being cautioned and let go. Came back and said we need to separate. And with that he's fucked off to live with mummy. Where he can have his freedom 7 nights a week, his dinners cooked, peace and quiet and they can all slag me off as a failure and a shit wife and mother.

I feel angry, I feel so sad. He's took my dream of my job away from me as I can't do it without decent childcare and due to the hours and number of children a nanny / au pair is out of the question (also discussed on other thread) is what I am doing so bad I deserve to be called these names. Maybe I could have tried harder. My hobby makes me happy. It's only a few hours once a week and I now have some friends who make me happy too.

Please someone talk to me

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 17/04/2018 15:44

Just read through and wishing you the best OP. I've been there and I stayed but I got out, I did it and so can you. It's hard but freedom is worth fighting worth for.
Stay strong

Bedtimesnacks · 17/04/2018 17:36

I am still here. Have applied for something with the probation service and looking at something else with met police staff .

Absolutely beyond exhausted tired today. Been in and out the loo all day too. I ache and hurt all over from being doubled over in agony. Really poorly tummy. Not made contact with him and not heard anything either. Children haven't mentioned him at all

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 17/04/2018 18:24

i think yo9u shold see your gp to be checked over

take care

Skinnyboneylittlepony · 17/04/2018 18:48

I haven’t rtft but I suggest you read ‘why does he do that’
unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

pickingdaisies · 18/04/2018 08:12

Hope you had a better night, bedtime. You have a lot of determination if you can explore career options when you feel so ill! Now it's time to get advice about your main problem, women's aid maybe? You need to get support IRL, think hard, there will be someone, don't be afraid to ask for help.

NettleTea · 18/04/2018 08:41

anxiety can play havoc with your digestive system. Take care of yourself and keep yourself safe x

Bedtimesnacks · 18/04/2018 10:18

Slept longer last night probably as I was so tired. Woke up and the anxiety just hit me. And an empty phone. Friends stopped asking how I am etc now. It's just me . On my own. Kept to no contact with him. Can't see me breaking that as it stands as I just feel angrier and angrier with him really as I think over everything from all the years together.

OP posts:
QueenOfMyWorld · 18/04/2018 10:34

Stay angry rather than upset so you don't waver if he asks to come back x

differentnameforthis · 18/04/2018 11:46

Oh OP, he was never going to let you take the job anyway!

Regardless of how far you got with the process, he would have been there to fuck it up for you, and you know that!

You couldn't have tried harder, because it never would have been enough for him.

Bedtimesnacks · 18/04/2018 12:28

No I suppose so. If I had stayed at home while the kids were at school i would have been lazy and a Ponce. He said all screws are scum and he's embarrassed and ashamed of me. There's no going back from that no matter what he says or does in the future.

I feel utterly worthless, unloved and numb. I know eventually this will pass

OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 18/04/2018 16:13

Yes it will, but it will take time so be kind to yourself. And contact your friends, they probably don't know what to do or say for the best, just let them know you feel a bit rubbish and could do with a chat. Or maybe just go to the swings with kids, with or without other mums and kids, and switch off for ten minutes

NettleTea · 18/04/2018 22:45

I bet your friends would love to hear from you, and be secretly thrilled that you have removed that drain from your life

WineIsMyMainVice · 18/04/2018 22:57

you are worth 1000 of him! Better off without him - as your children will be too. They do not need to see this kind of abusive shit going on.
Stay strong. Good luck.

Nursejackie1 · 18/04/2018 23:37

He has "left" as a form of punishment. For daring to be anything but his doormat. He will be back and I hope you don't even think of letting him back into your life. Vile specimen of a man.

MadBadDaddy · 18/04/2018 23:41

"What an absolute turd of a man"

+1

Bedtimesnacks · 19/04/2018 09:32

Morning. Slept better last night. Out and about this morning doing some bits like renewing passport , changing phone which needed upgrading and general bits and bobs. The sunshine is helping me. Only two more days to get through then I can travel Saturday to watch my team play that will mean seeing some friends / acquaintances and getting out (one child is coming with me) next week I will be going on my own and hopefully out after for a bit of adult time (still feel wrong and guilty for that) . That means Sunday will probably be a massive crash back down again.

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 19/04/2018 11:01

Glad to hear you're feeling better and enjoying the sunshine Smile. I haven't gone through anything like you have, but PLEASE do not feel guilty or wrong for having time to yourself for once, you so so so deserve it!! If you're worried about Sunday is there any kind of project you could get started on? I always find a good old clear out helps keep me distracted if there's something on my mind. Have a lovely day xx

pickingdaisies · 19/04/2018 11:04

You don't need to feel guilty but I'm sure you know that, it's been drummed into you that you don't deserve your own time. But you do. Do you have a SAD lamp, they're supposed to really help if lack of light affects you. Enjoy your weekend.

Bedtimesnacks · 19/04/2018 17:32

I am going to do some painting in one of the rooms upstairs. My mood has dramatically changed this afternoon. I feel angry. I am snappy with a friend who has asked how I am travelling to the game Saturday. I am reading between lines that don't exist that they don't want me travelling with them. Qué lots of eye rolling emojis coming back my way from them. I just want to shout at them ffs help me I am drowning and you couldn't care less. In reality they have their own life to get on with and I am just a friend / acquaintance. I feel incredibly moody isolated and pissed off right now . It's getting to the time of day I would have normally been anxious about him coming home and what he was coming in like and to the evening . Again made no contact in his direction today . Heard nothing back either as expected. I feel fucking trapped and no one could give a shit

OP posts:
Bedtimesnacks · 19/04/2018 17:35

I don't want him to come back. But he was right wasn't he. These 'friends' they are just passing acquaintances. They don't care much about me. I have let my marriage and family be broken up for fuck all

OP posts:
MadBadDaddy · 19/04/2018 17:51

Not fuck all!

A better life, a less toxic environment, self-respect and you might even be wrong about your friends.

pickingdaisies · 19/04/2018 18:21

Give them a chance to be true friends, you've got a voice inside your head that is not your real voice. Don't listen to it. Of course you're angry, but direct your anger at your OH, not at the people who don't really understand what's been happening in your life. Call or text, apologise, and explain. Let them help you.

NettleTea · 19/04/2018 18:22

these are new friends and it takes time to build the kind of relationship where you can genuinely ask someone how they are and hope to get the real answer. Do they know what you have been going through for years, and do they know whats happening now? And how difficult it is?
With him out of the way it will give you the space and the time and the ease to make those kinds of friendships. With him in the picture you will forever be trapped in a cage of his making, with him telling you how useless you are.
And your kids will grow to see you healthy and not form awful expectations of their own future relationships, based on what they think is normal.

Bedtimesnacks · 19/04/2018 18:47

I feel aggitated and full of rage tonight. Wtf is wrong with me . Argh

OP posts:
MadBadDaddy · 19/04/2018 18:58

The Samaritans might know, unless you're confident you won't break your keyboard typing here.