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Original poster

Husband requiring "full assistance" in the mornings?

999 replies

questi0n · 16/04/2018 07:56

My husband told me last night that he will "require full assistance" to get out in the morning as he has some important meetings etc. He often says things like this and I don't take much notice. I have 3 DC to get out to school as it is. Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door because I can't be doing with him asking me where Particular items are in the morning. Only for him to get up and have a flap because no, he's actually cycling to the meetings and apparently wanted a bag packed Confused.

Wouldn't you think that if you could see someone was dealing with 3 children in the mornings, you wouldn't add to the general rush and stress everyone out by shouting ridiculous questions and demands about things you could easily do yourself? This is a man who employs hundreds of people, by the way. Does anyone else have this kind of issue with their husband?

OP posts:
Original poster
questi0n · 16/04/2018 08:45

I can't really laugh at him because he's not at a point where he would see the funny side. He thinks he's perfectly reasonable.

OP posts:
DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 16/04/2018 08:46

So he came out in day three. I took stuff for him in our cases.

We're in the middle of this now (in fact, DP is on the balcony having a call right now - this happens, I've had a couple of work calls myself this week already), difference is that I packed a suitcase of kids stuff, and he took that with him and brought it to us while I flew with just a little bit of handluggage (because he flies business because work pays, and we weren't - plus I didn't want to deal with kids plus suitcases).

For me, I'd consider your way to be a bit out of balance - this is a discussion I have with DP a fair bit, because his work would take every minute of his time if it could, but that would mean that we would never see him, and that my job would suffer (even more than it already does).

Unless I make DP think about the effects of what he's doing, he just won't - he'll be away travelling, or staying late, or going out for work dinners and we'd be lucky to see him a couple of evenings a week (because weekends he'd be sleeping in, sleeping off the dinners out).

It's not right, and it's not good for him, or the family, and he needs to consider that.

IAmMatty · 16/04/2018 08:46

He doesn't 'find it difficult' to switch off from work. He doesn't bother to, because staying in boss mode means he gets to contribute fuck all to family life.

OP, wake the fuck up! Your last post just shows how normal and acceptable you think this dynamic is.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 16/04/2018 08:47

Was it just me that thought he meant a sexual favour? Blush

Babyplaymat · 16/04/2018 08:48

Is he particularly stressed? It sounds a lot like it. It sounds like he has a job that pays well but is hard, and he sees your role as facilitating that. Up to you if you see that as fair or not.

We tend to work round each other in the mornings. He gets up and showers while I lie in bed and feed the baby. He then takes the baby downstairs and changes him/gets breakfast/puts my coffee on. I get up and dressed etc and down to get older kids breakfast (home ed so no school run) and empty dishwasher, will normally make him some sandwiches while I'm at it. Off he goes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/04/2018 08:48

Ask him if you need to peel back his foreskin when you wash his willy. Alternatively give him a piece of paper with the words “checklist” on the top. He gets to write up the things he needs daily. And because you’re a nice wife, for the next week, you will remind him to look at the list. Thereafter, he’s on his own. Like the adult he is.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 16/04/2018 08:49

Erm . . . . okay. My DH travels a lot for work and has never asked for 'assistance'. He managed to iron his own shirt, pack his own bag, make his own breakfast and leave the house for just after 5am - he only woke me to kiss me goodbye and I went straight back to sleep.

I don't want to be rude OP, but what you describe just isn't normal......

Anasnake · 16/04/2018 08:49

Stop enabling this shit, be assertive, tell him to do it himself

LuluJakey1 · 16/04/2018 08:49

Nope - DH (who is Deputy Head in big secondary school so pretty busy) gets up, gets DS (3) up, they shower and get dressed, makes him breakfast and takes him to nursery (3 days) before he goes to work- and makes me a cup of tea while I am dealing with DD. DD and I often have another snooze when he's gone. If he has a really early meeting (7 or 7.30am) I do it all. On the two days DS is not at nursery, I make DH some breakfast and sort out DS and DD.
He does his fair share of house/garden/shopping/cooking stuff.
If he was doing something really important at work one day it would never cross his mind to ask me for 'full assistance' , he would just get on with it.
If he did ask me, I would laugh; it's a ridiculous pompous phrase. Actually DH could not say it without laughing.

QueenofWhisperz · 16/04/2018 08:50

I clicked on this link thinking he wanted your help so he could shit.

I was imagining a leg pumping, asshole straining+squatty potty situation.

**I know someone who has a husband who thinks he's fancy; she works full time and has two children so they hired a full time housekeeper to deal with his 'needs' as a result, the housekeeper keeps the children and husband quiet in the mornings.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 16/04/2018 08:50

Actually, there was one time I got a forwarded email with just the word 'help' because he'd got unexpectedly invited to some industry awards and I had to go and get a tuxedo for him.

I did that, laughing the whole way at how ridiculous my life had got, that I had 4 hours to source an 'emergency tux' in his size (thank god his brother had got married recently and the rental place a couple of towns over still had all his measurements!)

Skatingfastonthinice · 16/04/2018 08:50

Mrsmadevans
Fuck off with your Disablist twatty comment. OP’s husband is an arse.

Jamiefraserskilt · 16/04/2018 08:51

Unless he is diving in and going straight out to catch a flight for a last minute meeting, he can pack his own bag. I would help with this one if i were a sahm. However, full assistance is a pompous and patronising term. You need to remind him that you are his wife not his pa. Yeah, he may have had a stressy weekend but from what you said, it was of his own making...no sympathy or special treatment for that one!I
He may find it hard to switch off but you have to make him realise home is not work.

Skatingfastonthinice · 16/04/2018 08:54

Bloody hell, Mrsmadevans works with disabled children as a nurse. Somehow that makes your ignorance terrifying as well as offensive.

Inkanta · 16/04/2018 08:55

Is this a true story. Hard to believe.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/04/2018 08:55

You need to tell him it isn't reasonable and you are not going to do it anymore.

sameoldsame · 16/04/2018 08:55

Well he clearly earns a lot !
These men’s wives always divorce them when the kids are about 15
Then they have a massive wake up call and slow down, get a new wife and new kids and have proper loving relationships, but they’ve made all their money by then

Never be a first wife of a man like this

MuddyForestWalks · 16/04/2018 08:55

This was killing me laughing until you said he takes himself utterly seriously OP. Truthfully, what is in this marriage for you? You are clearly only graced with his presence Hmm for a few hours a week, between his oh so important job and sports, you skivvy for him - this grumpy child must be so unsexy and he isn't a help or a companion. So what does he bring to this marriage?

TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 16/04/2018 08:55

I make Dhs sandwiches, I offered as he was getting up earlier and earlier to do them and was working 10-12 hour days. I also make sure he has clean clothes to wear and that his keys are on the hook.

I do this because I have the time as a SAHM and I respect him.

The day he demands I do this or complains about it, is the day I stop.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/04/2018 08:55

If my DP suggestted this, I’d cheerfully pack ALL his bags for him. Seriously, why are you enabling this selfish, pompous man-child?

Justanotherzombie · 16/04/2018 08:56

You’re both as bad as each other. Him for being useless and you for pandering to him.

Idontdowindows · 16/04/2018 08:56

You know what? I will pack my husband's things when we go on holiday because we take 1 bag and due to literally decades of travelling I'm a master-packer. Seriously, I can pack a full house in half a day and have time left over to enjoy a good meal. Other than that, taking things with him is his responsibility.

You need to stop this, you need to tell your husband that if he needs his shit packing, he can pack his own shit, because you're not his bag packing skivvy.

Blooming heck where do you find these men???

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2018 08:56

Why do you put up with this shit? You're enabling him by doing all this for him

CanIBuffalo · 16/04/2018 08:57

Ah ha ha ha ha haaaa.
No.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2018 08:57

Of course he thinks he is perfectly reasonable, because you have told him that he is by enabling this fucking ridiculous behaviour for years and years.