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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
NellythePink · 15/04/2018 19:42

Lol. Massive overreaction.

GinAndToast · 15/04/2018 19:42

Answering your question about whether or not partners would mind.

No, I wouldn't and don't mind.

I also think you were majorly abusive. He didn't deny it or try and explain because he's an adult.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:42

ConsiceandNice - you are not nice

OP posts:
RepealRepealRepeal · 15/04/2018 19:43

YABU. Both in your reaction, and your responses on here.

Finding porn wouldn't shock me, and I certainly wouldn't react like you did. And that your DD could have seen anything didn't occur to you until after people disagreed with your reaction.

Given how you responded to a poster who didn't agree with you, escalating it to name calling, I'd probably think you have insecurities, anger problems and an ability to appropriately regulate your emotions, more issues than a magazine subscription.

NellythePink · 15/04/2018 19:43

Also, not all porn is grim and abusive. Obviously lots of it is, but 'ethical porn' is a thing.

DaisyDoo80 · 15/04/2018 19:43

Some people find porn acceptable, others don't. What usually happens though is that people discuss their boundaries. You haven't done this.

Your husband is no more wrong to watch porn than you are not to.

Your reaction however was wrong. If a man had done that to you and you posted about it there would be an outcry. You owe your husband an apology and an adult discussion about your thoughts and feelings.

validusername1 · 15/04/2018 19:43

They weren't making babies, you said it was lesbian porn...

Aquamarine1029 · 15/04/2018 19:44

Pretty sure there won't be any babies made in that lesbian porn.

RepealRepealRepeal · 15/04/2018 19:44

*inability to appropriately regulate your emotions

ConciseandNice · 15/04/2018 19:44

I don’t assault my husband OP, you do.

Mamabear1475 · 15/04/2018 19:45

Haha I think it would be difficult to make babies that way. Or was it alien lesbian porn. Do they have extra genitals?

hungryhippo90 · 15/04/2018 19:46

wow, porn is an issue thats no longer tolerated, i wont go into the issues that made it that way, because I dont want to give you any more reasons to assault your partner,

but even for me, and I am so fucking against it, its unreal, you have over reacted.

your poor poor husband.

Eveforever · 15/04/2018 19:46

Lesbian porn doesn't lead to baby making!

You could argue it's a positive that he's too inept to hide things from you.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:47

I don't know what was in all of it. I've just said.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/04/2018 19:47

I think I am angry that was his excuse, he didn't just say sorry

Good. He shouldn’t have said sorry, because he’s got nothing to be sorry for.

I wouldn’t care if DH watched porn, though he watches little of it; I’m the regular porn watcher in our relationship.

The problem here is that you assaulted him and then disclosed you were “holding back”. You need to sort out your anger issues and set a good example for your kid(s).

Elendon · 15/04/2018 19:47

YANBU

I don't tolerate porn.

If I was dating a man who said he liked porn, that would be the end of it.

How does anyone know they are watching consensual sex via porn?

AngelL7 · 15/04/2018 19:47

YRBU

cloudsblonde · 15/04/2018 19:47

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:48

Eveforever - you've got a point actually

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 15/04/2018 19:48

WTF am I reading here?

Watching porn means getting your rocks off to people trafficking, to organised rape and other forms of violence.

'Ethical' porn is vanishingly rare.

Chucking water in another adult's face is rather trivial in comparison.

Susanjeffery1984 · 15/04/2018 19:48

Zeelove, it would depend on the circumstance. If I felt the situation demanded a reaction that conveyed my absolute disgust/annoyance and a glass of water was on hand, then quite probably. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I think OPs DH will certainly know how she feels about the situation now...
As for an example to DD, I fully intend to encourage her to be a strong character and a I think a bit of fiest is not a bad thing.
I’m sure OPs DH would have been aware of her fiesty tendencies on marriage. Many men find it attractive...

NellythePink · 15/04/2018 19:49

Also, you seem to be responding to anybody who questions your physically abusive reaction with 'you are not nice'. What you did was extremely 'not nice'. Your husband did not deserve that treatment.

Fundays12 · 15/04/2018 19:49

It wouldn’t bother me at all as long as it wasn’t on a device my kids can easily access and all history was cleared from the browser to ensure my sons don’t click on it by accident. I think you totally over reacted by throwing water in his face. I actually find your behaviour more alarming than his. Why not discuss it with him like an adult?

BuntyII · 15/04/2018 19:49

It doesn't bother me, as long as I don't have to come across what he's been looking at. It's easy to achieve this by not snooping through his phone.

TipTopTat · 15/04/2018 19:49

@elendon 😂 good look finding that bloke

That'll be like trying to find the real 'virgin' on pornhub Grin