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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the bride's been cheeky here!

488 replies

whywhywhywhywhyyy · 15/04/2018 15:51

Alright, so there's a girl I met at uni who's now getting married. We're not close at all, but she's been very kind and invited me to her wedding. Evening only.

As the wedding is hours away, there's only one hotel close by with ridiculous rates, and I'd only be invited from 8:30pm anyway, I'm planning on not going. I went to go and click the 'sorry, can't make it' option on her RSPV website when I saw the ride share list on there.

I've been put down to drive (what appears to be) one of her elderly relatives from my hometown. Never offered this, have never met the elderly relative in question, haven't really spoken to the bride about the wedding at all Confused Messaged another friend who's been invited to evening early and is down on the list to rideshare with someone elderly, same thing with her!

I've never declined an invitation so fast. Not sure if I've been invited as a friend or because I've got a car and happen to be from the same place as her relative!

OP posts:
Batmanwearspants · 18/04/2018 08:02

Cf indeed

browneyes77 · 18/04/2018 08:08

I don't see the issue with not inviting a partner you've never met assuming the person

Except if you’re inviting other partners who you’ve never met and leave your best mates and MOH’s partner out so she’s the only one sitting there without her partner......

expatinscotland · 18/04/2018 08:14

Really hope he doesn't do it for free, Ajas. People do this a lot - expect mates to perform their professional function for free for them because they're getting married. It's CF to the max.

QueenDaisy · 18/04/2018 08:28

This is really cheeky, looking forward to the update. I would never have invited half of a couple to my wedding because I didn’t know their other half, I think it’s rude. In fact I invited single people & a plus one for them, but I’ve been married a long time, maybe it’s different now, also I would not go to a wedding that my husband was not invited to Smile

BitOutOfPractice · 18/04/2018 08:29

Ride "share" implies that it's some kind of reciprocal arrangement doesn't it. I can't see what is "sharing" about this arrangement for you!

And by the way CFB, it's lift, not ride, unless she's American. In which case I'll let her off that one

pigmcpigface · 18/04/2018 08:30

I would do this in a heartbeat for a close friend, but for a college acquaintance I didn't know that well? Definitely CF territory!

BitOutOfPractice · 18/04/2018 08:33

I don't think it's giving the lift that's cheeky. It's the assumption.

If the OP had accepted then got a call from the bride saying "I'm so happy you're coming, I don't suppose I could ask a massive favour could I?" it wouldn't have been so bad.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/04/2018 09:18

@Greentulips She works with one lady - evening do invite. Her wife has been invited for the whole day. Which has been rescinded.

@Browneyes77 and leave your best mates and MOH’s partner out so she’s the only one sitting there without her partner......

Well given I said
""I don't see the issue with not inviting a partner you've never met"" assuming the person who us oh their own will be there with other friends
It would suggest I don't agree with what they did. I was replying to the general posts about always inviting both regardless, not inviting the lesser known partner to more of the day or leaving someone alone at a wedding, rather inviting a group of friends without their associated partners and children. I may want those 5 people from work bit add in their partners and collective dozen children and thats from 5 to 22. It would have pushed our numbers from 150 to well over 200 and would have put us too big for most local venues. The idea that you just hire a bigger room and skimp on everything else doesnt work if the larger venues with larger food bills are more expensive. In return I won't be offended even you don't come because you don't socialise without your DP

RedForFilth · 18/04/2018 10:11

My personal opinion is that if you aren’t bothered about the person enough to invite their partner, you shouldn’t be invited them to your wedding at all. really? I would not have anyone at my wedding who I didn't really know/like! I cant imagine (SN aside) not being able to manage a few hours without a partner. But then I'm very independent and my boyfriend and I only see each other once a week after over a year together. One of my friends husbands is very misogynistic and I wouldn't want him at any event of mine. And one of my friends girlfriends doesn't like me because I'm female so I no longer invite her to anything.

LegendOfTomorrow · 18/04/2018 10:32

I would politely decline an invite if my husband wasn't invited meaning I would be sitting all alone awkwardly with a whole bunch of the B&G's family members/friends and couples I had never met. I wouldn't insist he were invited though.

At my wedding everyone got a plus one and if the numbers were too high I would have invited to the night do together instead. Though I specifically chose a venue that could accommodate our friends and families for an affordable price. As nice as a posh £150 a head palace would have been, having everyone there enjoying our day with some lovely grub was far more important.

And everyone was expected to make their own way about but I was happy to liaise with guests to organise lift sharing if they were up for it or get the taxi/cheap hotel details. No one was expected to give lifts but I'd find them a passenger or two if they offered.

TheEmmaDilemma · 18/04/2018 12:07

What a cf!!

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2018 12:12

She only invited you, as Aunt Edna lives near you, and you can give her a lift if your going. Cheeky mare.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/04/2018 12:19

Loving this one.
Not placemarking - honest!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/04/2018 12:48

LegendOfTomorrow I had nothing like a £150 per head venue but I did have a limited budget. Where is the logic that larger venues are cheaper? There's no way we could have afforded a venue that seated 300 people and if everyone had come with partners and children that's what we would have needed. Or we would have just not invited whole groups of friends. So by your logic its better to not invite 6 close female friends who will all sit together, share rooms and rides etc than to not invite the additional 15 partners and children because there isn't a venue large enough.

There are factors - so all friends from Uni who were travelling had a partner and kids invite. All friends from volunteer work where they travelled but we never ever socialise with partners didn't. The one person who I thought might not know anyone well enough had an open +1 but came alone and hung out with my other friends. A woman from one job where she wouldn't know anyone got a partner invite and they both hung out with my other friends.

Unless you have an unlimited budget or an open field you have to make cuts somewhere.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 18/04/2018 13:09

I was once invited to a wedding where DP was groomsman. Then got uninvited to the ceremony as was a tiny room but still to the reception. Fair enough.

THEN I also got uninvited to the meal and downgraded to an evening guest. I was agog at how rude the couple were being and went clubbing instead.

Kathsmum · 18/04/2018 13:23

It’s actually even worse to be invited when your other half is best man and on top table with the only other people you know.
In retrospect would happily have missed it.

MagicJay · 18/04/2018 13:41

Excellent CF thread. Let us know what the other friend says, OP. I am agog!!!

MrsHathaway · 18/04/2018 13:53

It’s actually even worse to be invited when your other half is best man and on top table with the only other people you know. In retrospect would happily have missed it.

A good point. Evening only would be fine, when the best man is "off duty" and you have someone you know.

Everyone's capable of making small talk with strangers, but it's nicer when there's someone you've met before.

Butttons · 18/04/2018 14:10

Wow. Just wow.

WheelyCote · 18/04/2018 15:00

Marking place Grin

Sweetpea55 · 18/04/2018 16:02

And placemarking too..

RavenLG · 18/04/2018 16:12

As in an e-vite for a wedding?!

DPs cousin is getting married next month (we're not invited as they are not close but DPs parents are). He's in a line of work relating to computers and they have a disgustingly tacky wedding website, DPs mum showed me it. The whole thing made me boak. Cheesy slideshow of 'Our Beginning' cutesy photos of how they met and how they fell in love. Complete with a quiz about the couple which they are going to take the funny answers and put them into the wedding somehow in a little game / story.

Lastar16 · 18/04/2018 16:38

It seems that the Daily Star has been taking notes from The Daily Mail......

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/696842/mumsnet-aibu-wedding-etiquette-guest-transport-car-share

Grin
hdh747 · 18/04/2018 17:11

Blimey if I'd realised journalism just meant hanging around on mumsnet and doing a bit of copy and pasting I would do that job! They're all at it lol.

ktp100 · 18/04/2018 18:14

Noooooooooo!!!! When the stupid, lazy press knob heads steal the story the Op usually gets it shut down!!

The diiiirrrttty bastards!!!

OP, please pop back and let us know wjhat happens with your friend confronting CFB!!!

Bloody Daily Star!!!