To think private school is not 'all that?'

[malificent7]

I went to a very exclusive private school. Hated it, didnt thrive and have done no better than my state educated peers.

Loved my state and was gutted as i was taken out in year 8 to go to a posh school.

As a result im a complete leftie. I know some thrive at private but i wasnt one of them.

Aibu to wish state schools were funded better though thus cancelling the need for private at all cost.Never going to haooen though.The rich think they are a cut above.

@maleficent7

I went to a very exclusive private school. Hated it, didnt thrive and have done no better than my state educated peers.

Did fab academically though! About to start second degree in fact. But yes i did fail at being like a rich kid!!

I acknowledge i did well academically however it came at a heavy price...a complete destruction of my confidence socially.

OP, you seem to be drip feeding, changing what you said, and adding stuff as you go along.

I am struggling to take what you say seriously tbh.......

Apparently my parents grieved for me.

Why?

The rich think they are a cut above

I don't know any more snarky rich people than I do snarky poor people. Some of the biggest arsehats I know are on average pay with a 3 bed semi, and think they're something they're not. The rich and/or upper class folk I know are actually lovely.

I agree with a pp that you have a chip on your shoulder and many unresolved issues. Have you spoken to a counsellor about it?

I'm proud of my leftie views

Good for you! 🙄🙄

My DP went to private school. His parents weren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. His DF worked seven day weeks sometimes just to afford it and there were occasions when they lived off beans on toast for weeks on end just to make their education a possibility. He was the ‘poor kid’ in school and stood out like a sore thumb as he never had the latest trainers, designer gear or technology. In my honest opinion it was beyond stupid struggling financially like that just to ‘keep up with the Jones’’. Neither him or his sister went to university and both earn below the national average now in their late twenties. I honestly don’t see what good it did either of them. My DP feels an enormous amount of guilt that his parents essentially bankrupted themselves to pay for his education and he has ‘done nothing with it’.

I have a friend who attended an extremely elitist private school and she told me she had never interacted with a non-white person until she was 18 and attended university. That is so, so wrong.

SoupDragon

Some schools are crap.
Some schools are marvellous.
Some schools are in between.

Sometimes its not the school (controversial I know)

I think you're deluded if you think all comprehensives are nurturing My was the opposite and I went to one

Perhaps as pp said, the amount of diversity depends upon whereabouts the school is. I'd imagine London private schools have quite a mix in terms of race, nationality, people on full bursaries, rich people etc, as a lot of them are academically selective anyway.

Also I think you're naive to think bullying and comparisons of who's got the best trainers, who's got the most money etc does not go on at state schools, it does.

"I have a friend who attended an extremely elitist private school and she told me she had never interacted with a non-white person until she was 18 and attended university. That is so, so wrong."

Where on earth was that school - the outer Hebrides?

Spend 2 minutes in any elite London Independent - St Paul's, Westminster, Latymer Upper, City - I would estimate white British pupils are in the minority. I imagine it's the same in any UK city or larger town? Even schools such as Eton have pupils of all ethnicities from all over the world.

@samsaran My experience was the same when DCs were at an independent school in a city but it was more white middle-class when we moved to a more suburban area

My DCs went to private school as the local state options were very poor and did better academically and in terms of confidence/speaking to others than their friends at the local comp. I realise they are all individuals though and that may not be all down to the schools

Op, It seems your blaming the difficulties and issues in your adult life on your childhood. I don't understand how if you were so severely bullied and your father was a teacher there nothing was done and you were made to endure it.

Anyway, I do think to enable you to come to terms with your childhood, and your parents actions in keeping you there whilst being aware of the bullying, and to enable you to move on with your adult life in a more healthy way you do need to seek help in the form of councilling or therapy.

To be clear. What you're posting is not logical nor rational. For someone who is clearly intelligent, if you have two degrees, to not be able to see that and to not be able to form a cohesive argument for your viewpoint shows you're mentally not able to deal with your past, so seeking help is the only way forward.💐

I can't say I understand how you are thinking OP

Given that the worst funded state schools are actually among the best performing, I don't think you can acurately say that is the problem: Wokingham are the poorest funded LA and yet always perform in the top 10% of state schools.

I thrived at private school, but there are huge differences between independent schools

The girls day school I attended had smallish class sizes, with entry requirements of two sets of exams and an interview

The major benefit for me was that the teachers in most subjects taught beyond the curriculum - we weren't just drilled for exams, but lessons were designed to push us, and in most subjects, classes went beyond the core syllabus. Streaming meant the ability to teach to the level of the most able students - top set maths were doing A-level curriculum at GCSE, for example. If on the other hand you were struggling, teachers would help you with 1:1 extra sessions at lunch or before / after school to give you additional support.

A-level history I remember that we weren't just taught the material we needed for exams, but taught critical thinking. That really helped me with my confidence when thrown into the tutorial system at Oxford when I started my degree

My school didn't have particularly awesome facilities, but there was a wealth of extra curricular activities even if you weren't sporty or musical, or into drama (as was the case for me). Regional debating and general knowledge competitions, Young Enterprise, model United nations, science olympiads, were some that spring to mind.

I flourished at that particular school, but every school is different (just as every child is different).

could we not just educate children? I get all the politics and what have you, but I am so fed up with reading about the clever v the disadvantaged, but clever, (nobody ever mentions stupid ones unless they are diagnosed SEN/ v the not clever with stroppy parents). I do not understand why any sensible intelligent person would be a teacher.

I do think it's ridiculous that 7% of the population think they have to work like mad and go without to afford astronomic fees so that their kids can get good jobs at which they work like mad and go without in order to pay for the astronomic fees for their kids, etc. It is a self-perpetuating cycle. We have friends doing it and I can't work out what the point is. We have a good income and I have no idea how we'd find the fees for one child let alone more. I would far rather have a life, be able to go on holiday, buy the odd meal out, buy treats now and then without being on that treadmill. That said, the state schools where we live are said to be very good, I might think differently if they were genuinely crap.

In case that sounded all me me me, I mean have a life as a family, make memories etc.

And what is with Saturday school? Spend time together, what is wrong with you?

I LOVED my private school (even boarded for a few years). No, I’m no better than my friends who didn’t go, but I am certainly who I am because of it and desperately wish I could afford to send my own children.

I think it's all very well saying why bankrupt yourself to send kids to private school but that assumes that the state options are OK.. I have been absolutely delighted with my kids' state primary school, but have considered private for second. None of my local state secondary schools are OFSTED 'good' and my dc's experience at secondary school so far has been pretty underwhelming. Unfortunately, 3 sets of school fees make private school unaffordable. My preferred option would be to send my kids to a good state secondary school that is able to meet their needs. But unfortunately I don't have that option.

I haven't read all the thread but I'd happily ban all private schools if I could. I'd also ban religious and selective schools.

I'm not sure this policy would get me voted into power though. 🤔

One of the problems I have with private schools and religious and selective schools is that I think their existence results in there being less pressure to improve non selective state schools. I wonder how many politicians children ended up in a crap state school.

Having private and selective schools has a MASSIVE negative effect on social mobility.

The problem with the existence of private schools is that they DISADVANTAGE children in state schools. How is it fair that a child from a crappy comp usually has to obtain the same grades to get into University as a child from a private school. ( ..and yes I do know that widening participation schemes exist).

BTW My DCs went to our local comp but it's a 'naice' local comp and they all did very well (Dr, PhD's etc). However we would have moved them to a private school or the closest grammar if it would have been in their interests.

Yeahandthenwhat, but banning such schools will only make it worse, the affluent will still tutor kids after school, but there will be less resources to go around. I would homeschool mine if I could not send them to a private/grammar, or if homeschooling was banned too I would send them to board abroad/hire a tutor.