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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think private school is not 'all that?'

117 replies

malificent7 · 15/04/2018 15:11

I went to a very exclusive private school. Hated it, didnt thrive and have done no better than my state educated peers.

Loved my state and was gutted as i was taken out in year 8 to go to a posh school.

As a result im a complete leftie. I know some thrive at private but i wasnt one of them.

Aibu to wish state schools were funded better though thus cancelling the need for private at all cost.Never going to haooen though.The rich think they are a cut above.

OP posts:
ReggaetonLente · 15/04/2018 16:46

Just because you are a failure

Why be so bitchy?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/04/2018 16:51

@malificent7 - I was horrendously bullied throughout five years at a state comprehensive school, and it destroyed my self confidence, and I still suffer with depression and anxiety.

I always wondered if I would have done better at private school, or at a selective state school. The year I went to my senior school was the first year group from my primary school (and a number of others) that didn’t sit the 11+ for the nearby Grammar school - but there was still an intake at that school - so some children/schools did do the 11+. My parents decided not to push for me to do the exam - I don’t know f they would have won that fight, but they didn’t even try, and as a result I was condemned to 5 years of misery.

At 16 I went to Sixth Form college - at what had previously been the grammar school - my year had been the last year at the grammar, which became a sixth form when they turned 16. Right from the word go I was happier there - I made friends, and did much better - and there was no bullying, even from the other kids from my comprehensive who came there with me.

In my opinion, my parents didn’t do everything they could to make sure I had the best education for me (and mum did nothing about the bullying - didn’t notice how it affected me, did nothing when I came to her in tears, and never asked if it had improved - it didn’t - but that is another story) and I am still bitter about that - and I do not blame any parents who pay for private school, because they feel it is the best for their children.

FurryDogMother · 15/04/2018 16:54

I don't have a horse in this race (as I don't have kids) but just wanted to say that I too had a horrendous experience at a private school (mostly because I was on a scholarship and therefore not 'posh' like most of my classmates). The bullying I experienced has stayed with me for life. I switched to a state school when I was 15 and far preferred it, and ended up with above average exam results. I also agree with PPs, that you can't really generalise - private and state schools vary enormously, also the needs of individual children - but there is certainly no rule that private = better.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2018 17:08

Even if it's laughably silly and snobby that people choose private without even considering state, it's in all state parents interest that they do - they take no money out of the state school pot.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2018 17:47

I think the mark of a succesful school is one where kids feel safe and happy.

Then my DC’s schools are successful.

But then if you have a highly competetive environment based on money and prestige what can u expect?

A school where my child are happy and safe as it happens. There’s plenty of bullying and competition in state schools. That doesn’t fit your agenda though does it?

Dietsmakemeangry · 15/04/2018 18:37

Your description of a private school sounds like a stereotype. Usually people that never attended one describe it like that. If you really attended a top private school you’d know that nobody gives a damn if you are rich/poor and everyone hangs out together. I went to a private school myself and my kids are attending one. Yes, there are some snobbish parents and some unpleasant kids, like in any other school, but friendships and bullying is not based on wealth, nobody really cares.

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/04/2018 18:53

The problem is my dad knew very well that i was being bullied there as he taught there.
Apoarently my parents grieved for me. I was actually well liked at my state school vefore. But grades were the most important thing....that to me is very misguided...and implies that i couldnt have done as well at a comp.
Not much point having great grades if you have zero confidence and suffer multiple breakdowns as a resilt.

OP posts:
littlepill · 15/04/2018 18:55

Depends if you mean private school, or a major public school, TBH!

Lethaldrizzle · 15/04/2018 18:55

It would be rather nice if all children had access to an equal education though wouldn't it?

WhalesOfYore · 15/04/2018 18:57

Can some people have a dreadful time at private school that outweighs the educational benefit they derive from it? Yes.
Does that fact invalidate all the benefits most pupils gain from their private schools? No.

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/04/2018 18:57

Dietsmakeme angry...all orivate schools ate different. At my school you definately needed the Armarni suit, pony, jaguar/Rolls Royce or super hot looks if all else failed to fit in..I never got that at the comp.
I just don't think it's healthy...it's elitist.

OP posts:
Eolian · 15/04/2018 18:59

All schools are different. I've taught at about 5 state schools and 2 private. One of the private schools was a wonderful, happy place that even the best of the state schools I've worked at would never get close to comparing with. The other... well, let's say I wouldn't send my dc there even if it were free.

TipsNotHacks · 15/04/2018 18:59

I went to a truly shit comprehensive school. Kids were animals - attacking teachers, sexual abuse was rife (seriously), bullying was common and you weren't cool or accepted unless you lived on the nearby sprawling estate and underperformed academically.

I left with 6A*s and the rest A's and B's (can't remember exactly). I went on to Uni and now have a good job and am considered to be one of the most successful people ever to attend that school which I find bizarre because at a 'good' or private school my achievements would probably go unnoticed.

I hated every second of school and as a result, if I am ever lucky enough to have a child, I will be sending them to a private school. I'm happy to sacrifice holidays and the like just to have my kid living in a little bubble where they can just get on with being themselves. I know it's not a guarantee and there are plenty of people who have bad experiences at private schools but I would rather set myself on fire than send my kid to a run-of-the-mill state school. The thing that ales me laugh is that my school isn't considered to be terrible on paper so I dread to think what a truly shit state school is like. No thanks!

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/04/2018 19:00

Sorry typos...crap phone.

I guess as my thread suggests i mean private schools are not 'all that'....they are not better than state schools.

I think many parents are desperate to know that their hard earned cash is worth it. For me...no it wasnt. For other peers it was ( although most of my school friends hated it tbh)

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 15/04/2018 19:01

And i do feel sad it wasn't for me. I do apprechiate it but i live with the scars.

OP posts:
Dietsmakemeangry · 15/04/2018 19:02

I don’t know, I have an experience of several private schools, I am sure some kids had a pony and a jaguar but it was not the basis of a friendship, in fact I just asked my older DC and they are vaguely aware who is rich and who is not rich in their class, because they had been invited to sleepovers in both mansions and council houses. Their friendship groups are very mixed in terms of wealth. It’s more about being a cool kid/sporty kid/nerd etc.

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/04/2018 19:05

Tbh my experience teaching at the very exclusive yet messed up private Catholic school was the final nail in the coffin...and made me decide to quit!

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 15/04/2018 19:07

I guess i feel that parents are a bit musguided if they think it is 'better'.I guess it depends on the child and school.

You've just answered your first point with your second. I don't believe private is better than state. What I do believe is the private school DD is at is better FOR HER than the state options we had.

The problem is my dad knew very well that i was being bullied there as he taught there

So is it fair to say that some of your ire at the private school system stems from anger at your parents?

DD has no clue who is rich/not at her school and there is such a wide cross-section of parents. Nobody has a Rolls Royce or a Jaguar.

Dietsmakemeangry · 15/04/2018 19:09

Recently I stumbled upon some interesting statistics. Over 90% of private school students continues into higher education at age 18 compared to 27% of state school graduates. So it is a bit silly to claim that “private schools are not better than state schools”. They are doing something right.. it’s better to accept the fact and try to bring the state schools inline than claim there is no difference based on isolated experiences and anecdotes.

Chanelprincess · 15/04/2018 19:10

Every parent has a right to make a choice about how they wish to educate their child - I for one would never consider state education for my child and would home school if private schooling was not an option. There are many factors in the decision to educate a child privately beyond simply academic achievement.

HairyToity · 15/04/2018 19:15

I was privately educated and bullied. The facilities were great but some of the teachers were lacking.

My children are being state educated. I couldn't bare to think of the sacrifices and all THAT money for them to hate it. I have lots of state educated friends with better paid jobs and nicer houses.

I think people should have the choice of educating privately. It must save the state billions.

soggydigestive · 15/04/2018 19:18

It sounds like your grievance is more not being listened to by your parents and feeling only valued for academic attainment tbh. That would happen irrespective of what school you went to.
Sorry you were bullied that is a terrible experience Flowers

Dietsmakemeangry · 15/04/2018 19:19

Surely some kids were state educated and hated it and privately educated and loved it? It’s not a valid argument for/against private education.

YoloSwaggins · 15/04/2018 19:24

Just going to wade into the debate to agree with OP, but I went to a state grammar school. However it was the least socially mobile school in the country - something like 6 kids on Free School Meals in as many years. I hated it so so much.

My first day was like the opener of Mean Girls - no-one talked to me or even looked at me. From then on, it was snide bullying - nasty comments, being ignored, online bullying. At my school was a complete hierarchy and social divide - not so much rich and poor, as we were very MC, but basically if you didn't wear Jack Wills and a short skirt, weren't sporty and didn't routinely perform sex acts on boys at house parties, then you were not cool. Sex and drug use were rife - people's parents would go away on holiday and they would have Skins-style house parties. It was a horrible place to be and I felt like I never belonged, I wasn't even "allowed" to sit with the "cool people" in my year group on the train home. I spent 4 years crying, self-harming and binge eating till I went to uni - where I went on to have the 4 best years of my life.

I was genuinely shocked that people smiled in the corridors, let anyone sit with them in lectures, and would talk to you even if they didn't previously know you. I loved uni so much and it was like a breath of fresh air, even though I went to a very MC uni. It was just different. People were NICE. Jack Wills wasn't required. You could have blue hair. Everyone was accepted and had a group for them, the groups weren't cliquey, people made all sorts of friends, there was no more hierarchy and I just felt like I could be myself. No-one cared if you were shit at sport or dressed in vintage clothes.

My partner went to a pretty good comp and said it was nothing like my school, he loved his. When we have kids, we won't live in a grammar school county. We'll just live in a town with a decent state school. I want my kids to actually mix with the rest of society (I didn't even know what a Free School Meal was till I read it in the news), and not be caught up in a toxic rich-kid culture where the only way to win is to be horrible.

I feel academically, it wasn't worth it - I got 2A* 2A at A-level, he got AAB, we got the same degree from different unis and are now in the exact same job.

soggydigestive · 15/04/2018 19:27

That's just a school you didn't like though yolo and not even a private school? I'm sure all state grammars aren't like that, just as all comps aren't like your dh's (mine wasn't)
Your grades (and your dhs) at A levels are amazing and nobody in my school was getting anything like that. At my state school there was no encouragement to go to university either.