To think private school is not 'all that?'

[malificent7]

I went to a very exclusive private school. Hated it, didnt thrive and have done no better than my state educated peers.

Loved my state and was gutted as i was taken out in year 8 to go to a posh school.

As a result im a complete leftie. I know some thrive at private but i wasnt one of them.

Aibu to wish state schools were funded better though thus cancelling the need for private at all cost.Never going to haooen though.The rich think they are a cut above.

I find your AIBU irritating OP because it's all very well to say that your particular experience of school privilege didn't suit you, but at least you had the choice fgs! Don't you realise that most people will never have that choice? What planet are you on?

Maybe time to lose the chip in your shoulder. How do you know you wouldn't have been bullied at a state school, or anywhere for that matter? Your parents did what they thought was best at the time. That time has passed - let it go and take responsibility and stop with all the "what ifs." Whinging about privilege is not cool. You will never know how you would have fared at another school. None of us do and you are no different to anyone else. There are ups and downs to everything.

My DC all go to independent schools but for totally different reasons. One goes to a very academic London day school which suits him. Another goes to a much less pressured private girls school with 14 in a class because that suits her. We will choose the right senior for the others when the time comes. But at least we realise we're lucky to have that choice because 90% of people in the U.K. do not. I went to state school and I can see that while no school is perfect, there are some marked differences between private and state. Maybe if you'd actually gone to state school you would see that too?

Over 90% of private school students continues into higher education at age 18 compared to 27% of state school graduates. So it is a bit silly to claim that “private schools are not better than state schools”. They are doing something right..

That probably has much to do with the fact that parents that are clever, rich or just very invested into their kids education would be the ones to pay for private school - and that would usually be to ensure their kid makes it to a good uni!

Nobody would send their kid to private school in the hope they become a good hairdresser or mechanic. Even if there was no private school, children of THOSE parents would very likely be in uni regardless. Whereas state school is for "everyone else" - including parents who don't care about their kids education. That's a very skewed statistic, the incoming sample of kids is not comparable.

The rich think they are a cut above

But yes i did fail at being loke a rich kid!!

You keep making comments about money And rich people.

Are you struggling financially op? Because it reads like you have a chip on your shoulder. Many people attend private school who are not rich by any manner of means.

People sending their kids to private school takes a huge burden off the state system. As a country we can't afford for all these kids to come out of private and be educated by the state. Classes are over flowing as it is. Tax payers money is not infinite. We need to pay for many things, from health care to education on.

Both state and private schools come in all shapes and sizes, from failing to excellent. Kids thrive in many different environments.

So stop focusing on what others do, stop focusing on "rich people". Just do what's right for you and yours.

I'm sorry uour childhood was not a happy one and you were so damaged by it. I'm sure you know though it is not what happens to all privately educated children and many children are bullied in state school and suffer similar.

What I get out of this thread is that it is deeply disturbing that parents make decisions about their kids' schools based on their own experience of a completely different school at a different moment in time.

We just started my DS in the nursery of a small local private school. I went through many levels of angst about it all, worrying we’d be perceived by or friends as posh and snooty and trying to put ourselves above everyone. No one gives a damn. My Mam who grew up in fairly miserable poverty and when we were kids was told by my brothers teachers that they couldn’t teach/support how advanced he was and he’s do so well in a private school basically got sick of me and told me angrily how if I’d had her upbringing and felt that kind of yearning to get out/give her son that opportunity I wouldn’t be whinging about what a problem it was and would grab the chance to send him.

I do know if he was unhappy there or I let the school was too pushy or made him anxious I would take him out. I don’t worry about it being a place for rich kids as there’s quite a mix of families there and not all of them are loaded. Most are middle class professionals not independently wealthy types. I had loads of peer pressure on me to have the right trainers and expensive sportswear at my state school in a poor area and people got bullied for not having the right things. It’s not exclusive to private.

What I do find sad is that the decision whether to send a child to school seems to be more dependent on the parents' own experience of school, whether private or comprehensive than what might actually be best for their child based on their own personality and needs.

Because you had a great time in a state school doesn't mean your child will and vice versa.

It's not that disturbing if parents don't want their kids to suffer the experiences they did.

We'll never be able to afford private school anyway, so realistically our best choice is between a good comp and a grammar that has a good atmosphere. I feel a lot of grammar schools don't encourage social mobility, as I found out that a lot of students in my school had been tutored the 11+ for over a year to get in, and their parents were offering them £100 per A* they achieved at GCSE. They were all extremely rich - as said by someone else on MN about my school, not only did student have swimming pools or a tennis court, some had both!

My brother goes to one of the top state grammars but his seems very mixed and friendly, with kids from council estates, etc. Then again the county is a lot more deprived than where mine was (Home County).

A lot depends on the child I think - my parents had the money and felt I would get lost in the local large state schools - I was really quiet and shy. So they opted for private school as they thought there would be better care pastorally. I wasn't academic and got average grades. Not all private schools are the same but this one was good at looking after those who needed extra support which in the long run really helped me in terms of future prospects career wise and confidence in myself. But I have friends at the same school who hated it and didn't thrive, and those in state who have done really well. I have one academic dd who I know would love a private school environment and another who it just wouldn't suit. It's often down to the individual & a school suiting that person.

Sorry, misread your OP as you failed at doing the whole private school law degree at oxbridge then straight into finance thing. I read it as you blaming the school for failing to male you into upper middle class despite being so late to the ball and clearly not wanting to embrace it. I have re read it and can see that I completely misunderstood. Carry on. But yes, it is only all that if you accept it. If you don't want to learn how to speak properly, think rationally, learn your manners etc then it's not going to happen. It takes more than a private school to create the private school type.

Also, I think the atmosphere of a school depends a lot on the Head.

The Head of mine basically said at the Open Evening that "if you don't like our ethos/uniform/culture, you can fuck off and not apply, as we're oversubscribed and don't need you anyway"

The rich think they are a cut above

O what a huge chip you’ve got there!
I don’t know why you didn’t thrive at your exclusive private school, but I think you should direct your anger at your parents.

Also, bearing in mind the majority of people are state educated, I’m not getting the comments about, ‘the rest of us...”. Only a tiny number go private.

*Given the wide variety in quality and provision in both state and private schools, and the fact that children are individuals, you can’t make a huge generalisation like this, based only on your own experience of school.

Some state schools will be better than some private ones, and vice versa. Some children will thrive private schools and some in state ones. Some, like my dh, will be sinking in one private school but will thrive when they are moved to a different one*

My DD goes to private school. Of the local schools available to us, this is the best school for her and she is thriving there. I don't care what other people think, it's the right choice for her and that's my principle concern.

You did not like your private school, so clearly wasn't the right one for you. It doesn't follow, therefore, that it wouldn't have been the right school for any other children/young people. In the same way that not everyone in the state sector thrives in their school, whereas they might have in another state or private school. It doesn't take a great deal of thought to work that out, does it?

I'm winging about priveledge as i was very happy at my state school. I begged my parents not to send me to private school but they didnt listen. So yes...i have a chip but im glad to be who i am and grateful to have the insight. Im proud of my leftie views and am going for an NHS career now.

I do have a chip on my shoulder about rich kids tbh as they were so awful to me...comments such as' i bet your mum regreted the day you came out of her vagina 'were common. At the como people were lovely.

Of course my opinion is going to be based in my first hand experience...i am comparing both and i know which was best for me.

And of course i wont se d my dd to a svhool where i had a hideous time..

Fwiw i felt a big disadvantage of being to private was a big shock at entering the 'real world' after uni...

I know im not alone as i did make some friends at the private school. we all bonded as we didnt fit in!!My best mate beggher parents to let her leave...they didn't listen...

I guess my school was big, brash and not at all nurturing....i needed nurturing, friendly etc...

Also it wasn't such a bubble as most of my friends were taking speed in year 9...the local ice cream van sold drugs to the rich kids! A friend of mine has fucked up joints due to the amount of speed she took so in that respect it wasn't a bubble at all!

We had issues like teachers dating 6th formers, showing us innapropriate French videos etc...

I'm just saying that these schools are not 'all that'. They suffer from issues like all schools but with a skewed world view. I guess parents get fired up about this issue.

"I was very happy at my state school"

Yes but there were no guarantees things would have remained that way? There are still pressures in state schools you know - academic and social. Anything could have happened, surely.

Sorry OP, but this just reads like - "Woe is me... My parents forced me to live in a mansion and just wouldn't listen when I begged to live in the council estate. Of course everyone on the council estate looked so happy because their lives are so much more simple and less pressured. If only I could have been one of them, I'm sure to have never suffered from my anxiety"

People have anxiety, stress and all problems in all walks of life OP. Be a "leftie" by all means if you feel the need. Good for you. But you have nothing to prove and you come across as trying to hard.

At the comp sorry!

samsaran...did you go to private? Im just sharing my experience which a lot of people seem to gave a big issue with. It is my opinikn based on what I experienced.
Of course not everyone feels the same about their experiences...i just think ir's fine to hate what something stands for if it caused you pain.

That is human nature...

typos sorry!

Sorry if I sound harsh, but surely you realise that the experience you have at school - any school - is largely dependent on luck. There are mean kids in all schools. Social anxiety, depression and teen problems are ubiquitous in all schools. It's part of growing up. It has nothing to do with state or private. Schools in both sectors vary hugely - how on earth can you generalise? You might have happened to go to a different private school and loved it. I was bullied when I moved from one state school to another. So what?

I got a government assisted place under the conservative government and coming from a poorer background it was the best thing I ever did. It was amazing, but I felt a rupture between the people I met at school and my home life. My only criticism would be that I didn't feel like they understood where I came from and what my home life was like.

If you are happy at a state school where you fit in and was unhappy at a private school as you are not rich and was treated badly by the rich you are going to form a poor opinion of the rich.

Fwiw i think the rich DO fit in better at private...
Trouble is if you are poor at private school you dont fit in on the inside and everyone on the outside thinks you are priveledged and ungrateful too...as this thread deminstrates!

No I went to state and crap ones at that. My DH boarded from 7. As I say, so what? We ended up in the same place! Now we have two DC in a fantastic prep, one at a very nurturing independent and one at a super-selective day school in London. So three private schools and all totally diffferent.

Malificent - maybe private schools in the country are more socially "exclusive?" My DS has about 7 friends from school coming over tomorrow - one from a penthouse in Mayfair, a few from Kensington, some from Acton, two from flats on large estates. They all just accept each other for what they are. They are from multi- ethnicities - Russia, Nigeria, Indian, Italian, Jordan, Chinese. This is the reality in any London independent these days. They are far more diverse than your average comp in the country or the suburbs.

I'm just saying that these schools are not 'all that'

No. You’re saying your particular school wasn’t “all that”. You can’t extrapolate that out to refer to every private school.