To think private school is not 'all that?'

[malificent7]

I went to a very exclusive private school. Hated it, didnt thrive and have done no better than my state educated peers.

Loved my state and was gutted as i was taken out in year 8 to go to a posh school.

As a result im a complete leftie. I know some thrive at private but i wasnt one of them.

Aibu to wish state schools were funded better though thus cancelling the need for private at all cost.Never going to haooen though.The rich think they are a cut above.

I went to a shit state school so would have to disagree with you. I'd have loved to have gone to a private school and would have done much better, the teachers at mine didn't even know who you were and there was zero encouragement, and the teaching was crap.For instance no teacher for a year in my A level subject. There are good and bad in both sectors I should think but you can't really judge what your experience at a state secondary would have been like.

I worked at a well known private school once as a teacher and the behaviour was horrendous...wouldn't stand for it at the comp.

So, two specific schools with differing behaviour policies. Do you really think that holds true across the entire education system?

Im going to be goady ...

We already knew that you were.

Talk about a GF with the rich thinking they are a cut above comment .

My kids went to private school for a few years and are now at grammar schools. They went to private schools through no choice of ours. We found some parents to be awful, some teachers bitter, some kids not pleasant, the teaching and the head somewhat lacking at times. Same as state.

Any perceived benefit of the first private school was irrelevant to my dcs. All fur coat and no knickers. £40 for a polyester summer dress. A head who was stealing. A class being taught by the TA while the other half who "weren't thick" got the real teacher.

So you did fabolously academically but still think that you didn't benefit?

As someone else said, however much money you give state schools, an independent school with more money will likely do better with even more money.

Even amongst state schools there are clear differences when you look at various demographics brought about by expensive housing within a catchment area and other factors.

Both state and independent schools can be shit or excellent. Independent schools are clearly more likely to produce alumni who go on to be more successful and there's nothing that can be done about that while we live in a meritocracy.

From people I know at private school, I would say the advantages seem to be extracurrricular - ie high level of music and sport tuition, and an ingrained habit as to how/when to study. Plus the air of confidence that is very common on private educated kids.

I went to a private school after 11+. I had really low expectations and thought I would leave school at 16 as everyone else in my family had. My school changed my perceptions of what I could achieve and led me to get A levels, a degree and professional qualifications. If I had gone to the local comp I don't think any of that would have happened

Sounds like you have some issues with your parents’ decisions about your education.

As you say, a key difference is funding per DC.

There is so much I could respond to in your post OP, but won't, except to say that anecdote is not the same as evidence.
It always feels in education that one person's experience is always trollied out as generalizable fact. I am sorry you had a bad experience at school. Lots of people do, which is terrible, genuinely terrible. Whether the school is fee-paying or not, may have a bearing.
Your statement that the 'rich think they are a cut above' suggests you may not be entirely interested in objective evidence.

If state schools were better funded they would have smaller class sizes, more staff, better facilities, more breadth of curriculum, more individual support, better pastoral ability, more opportunities to access the curriculum, more travel/experiences etc etc.

In other words... what private schools have now. So it's complete nonsense to say simultaneously that you think private schools aren't 'all that' and that you want more funding for state schools. Private schools are better because they offer all the things that state schools would if they had more money. Whether that's right or fair or not is another question, but they are better.

It's not all about grades either (despite the gleeful/invertedly snobby comments on these threads of 'I had friends who went to private school and I did better than them'. It's also about things like manners, confidence, love of education, love of sport and other values that are encouraged at private school. I went to state school and had to battle to do well despite teachers who were just dealing with crowd control, an environment where being clever or hardworking made you a target for bullies and so on. My kids go to private school.

I'm not entirely sure I see your logic. Surely all of those who are funding their own kid's education by paying themselves to go private are taking the strain off the state system? They're still paying tax for their kid's place (if they're not overseas boarders) which they're not using? I agree there needs to be more funding though. You sound very bitter about your parent's choices for you, and it obviously wasn't right for you. My son has special needs so sadly don't have any choice anyway as he has to attend a special school, and trying to get funding for that is even worse, so in that sense you should count yourself lucky that your parents tried to give you what they considered the best for you at the time. There are dickheads in all schools and everywhere in life generally!

I could say the same about university. Although, I think my failure (money and career) in life is more to with bad luck, my lack of direction and having a child.

5/10 for effort.

I acknowledge i did well academically however it came at a heavy price...a complete destruction of my confidence sociually.
I was dreadfully bullued because i worked hard and wasn't cool...but mostly because i wasnt rich.
I think the mark of a succesful school is one where kids feel safe and happy. I felt harassed and suicidal. The school didnt look after me and failed their duty of care...

But then if you have a highly competetive environment based on money and prestige what can u expect?

Getting rid of private schools would also put a massive stretch on the state sector. There would literally be thousands of kids who would require school places that just aren't there - state schools would be even more underfunded.

Also going to private school isn't always about being 'better', I went for a number of reasons:

1. the state assigned school i got was miles away and the private was a 5 minute walk
2. the private school was a better fit for me as a student - i was academic but lazy and if i had attended the state school i had a place at i would've coasted along as i never would've needed help but not reached my full potential (as this particular school was much more nurturing pastorally than academically), the private school that my parents chose to send me to pushed me to fufil my full potential
3. rightly or wrongly going to private school class sizes are smaller and things like gcse options are guaranteed, people want the best for their kids so if they can afford these things they do it

I am privately educated and thank my parents for it as it was the best thing for me, i do not think i am 'better' than some one state educated, we just had different experiences.

Equally i am quite left wing and would love a world where private schools were not necessary and everyone got a top quality education no matter what. However this isn't the world we live in, and whilst i feel it isn't right morally that (where we live) i will have to pay for my kids to have the best education, they are my kids and i love them and will give them every opportunity i possibly can. Their opportunity should not be limited by my political views.

OH and I do very similar jobs, similar pay. He went to top private schools, I went to mediocre state schools. He had no regrets to having gone to private school and would go again given the choice. I have no regrets having gone to mediocre schools and would do the same again.

DD has friends from her state primary school who have gone to top private schools. As far as they seem, none regret it. Prospect-wise, the one going to medical school went to an average comp, the one who went to the top private school will go to Uni to study a degree based on her interest rather than career prospects.

There really is no right or wrong, in the end, it's a choice and whether it is the right one or not can only be decided retrospectively. I don't think it's right though to leave a kid in a school where they're not happy and tell them that it's tough.

malificent7

They also sucked out your ability to use SPAG.

Bastards!

I do worry a bit for families which beggar themselves to send DCs to private schools based off an assumption that it will automatically be better. My worry is about money running out before school is finished.

There was a very sad thread a while back where the family had exhausted every line of credit and their DD was going to have to leave a school she loved just before GCSEs.

School fees can be horrendous with a high inflation rate. Unfortunately nobody can know if it was money well spent until the end.

The independent school we’re considering for DS has infant classes of 15 pupils, vs. 30+ in the state school. Thats our motivation. Couldn’t give a toss about the snobbery.

people want the best for their kids so if they can afford these things they do it
Just to comment on this as I don't agree. I know many people who could afford to send their kids to private school but are opting for state school. Personally, I wouldn't have sent my kids to school because I didn't want to put pressure on them to pick a path that made the investment 'worthy'. My friend's DD is full of potential and could have gone to study something likely to get her a good career, but she's opted to study something else. She is not career minded. My friend is great though as she was happy to pay for her private schooling regardless of the outcome. I however would have had expectation for what would have been a huge sacrifice, ie. giving up on some of the luxuries that has made my life very nice in the last few years. This would not have been fair on my children.

Ideally state schools would improve overall, and we would move away from a race to get children into the ‘best’ local school.

Some independent schools offer things that the taxpayer should arguably not have to pay for, though. For example boarding options, or if a school promotes a particular religion (I know that there are Christian state schools, which seems to be a relic from the past- my personal view is that my tax should never be used to promote any particular religion in an educational establishment).

The other point is that there are certain extra-curricular activities that are only available to children whose families can pay. Do you think the taxpayer should cover these too? Where do you draw the line? My DCs Independent school does a huge amount of extra curricular stuff such as camping, climbing, horse riding, debating etc. These activities are designed to develop children outside the purely academic, and we effectively pay the school to provide these for our DCs, rather than taking them to the clubs ourselves.

Personally, I would love to see all children being able to participate in lots of activities regardless of their ability to pay- and I would pay more tax for that. Because it all helps to create a more fulfilled society in the end. Also, meaningful apprenticeships that actually help our young people and leave them more skilled. The list goes on! But is that ever likely to become a reality? Would you be prepared to pay more in tax, OP?

Sounds like you had a horrible time at school. I was dreadfully bullied because i worked hard and wasn't cool.. who's to say it wouldn't have happened to you at any school then? Bullying happens in every walk of life for any number of reasons.

If they funded state schools any better, would you still be leaving teaching?

Anyway, what soupy said- good schools and bad schools everywhere, and plenty in between. It's down to the child what they make of the opportunities presented to them.

My friends and I are in our forties now, with varying degrees of business success. We are a complete mix of private/grammar/state. You couldn't tell now who was educated where, and there's no correlation to how successful they are.
Just the next step up from not being able to tell now who was potty trained at 6 months and who at 6 years!

Many of the lawyers who are helping you deal with legal issues, some of the doctors who are saving your life, the pilots who take you to foreign countries have been educated in comprehensive schools and somehow manage to carry out their duties just as well as their colleagues who've gone private.

The future of our children doesn't just lay in the hands of their school/ teachers.