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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I that dreaded noisy neighbour?

205 replies

Chuggachugga · 15/04/2018 14:50

I’ll admit that the answer was definitely “yes” 5 years ago as we did weekly karaoke nights at the top of our voices till 4am. But it didn’t matter then because

OP posts:
FluffyWuffy100 · 16/04/2018 08:24

@AtrociousCircumstance no, I wouldn't be happy being kept up till 2am. Nor do I have parties that go on till 2am. However if it genuinely only happens twice a year I can think of a lot worse things neighbors do and it really doesn't justify the histrionics on here and being branded a neighbor from hell.

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/04/2018 08:25

@AtrociousCircumstance sorry I misread your comment, I thought you were saying I must like hosting loud parties. Sorry.

AddictiveCereal · 16/04/2018 08:25

My neighbours have a noisy party about once or twice a year - but they call into us in advance to let us know and to check we are ok with it - and they invite us to pop in. Because my neighbours are considerate I don't mind putting up with the noise on those rare occassions and have a postive feeling towards them. I am a very anxious person and if they had noisy parties without warning I would be on edge all time wondering would they have another one.

NormskiNamechange · 16/04/2018 08:26

To the previous posters who are mocking the hysteria. Why do you think it’s acceptable to make noise until 2am when you have adjoining neighbours?

LemonysSnicket · 16/04/2018 08:38

As someone who’s insomnia can be triggered by being woken up at an unusual time.... this could lay me low for a week with the effect on my sleeping pattern. Do it on a Saturday ... not when people have work.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 16/04/2018 08:39

We have parties. Not often. Maybe once a year? We invite the neighbours. Simple.

flubdub · 16/04/2018 08:45

I think you knew the answer to this question before you asked it.

Funnyface1 · 16/04/2018 08:54

You sound horrible and not sorry at all, posting daft updates. This kind of selfishness really annoys me.

Fintress · 16/04/2018 09:01

We once bought what we thought was an amazing house, semi-detached and in a fantastic location. Boy were we wrong, the neighbours were loud and when we were wakened at 7am one Christmas morning with Like a Virgin blasting out of a karaoke machine we decided to move. They were really lovely neighbours but just extremely loud. So yes you are being unreasonable OP.

llangennith · 16/04/2018 09:24

Being kept awake when you need to sleep is awful so I’m not surprised they’re annoyed.
Go round and apologise (grovel if necessary) so you can get back on friendly terms again.

springmachine · 16/04/2018 10:17

Arseholes

You say you wouldn't mind if they were noisy twice a year.

But if that happened to be on a night where the next morning you were taking an important exam,
Or taking an early flight along with so many other reasons why it's important to get a decent nights sleep I'm sure it wouldn't be ok for you either.

fairylightsdown · 16/04/2018 10:22

My neighbours have a couple of parties a year without giving me any warning. They also now set off fireworks in their tiny back garden (mine is tiny too). It scares the shit out of my pets. I can't stand them for not giving me any warnings. It's rude, inconsiderate and entitled.

Alabasterangel6 · 16/04/2018 10:47

You need to apologise again, but above all else as others have told you, you need to give them your most sincere reassurance that you won't do it again.

Otherwise those poor sods are going to be waiting for the next 'event'. You need to tell them it's not going to happen.

They don't want to speak to you about it because they probably have nothing much to say. They thought you were a 'nice' neighbour, but clearing the cat shit off their lawn doesn't cancel out keeping them up all night.

I don't personally get the 'you didn't tell them' thing - we had horrendous, selfish noisy neighbours. They never warned us (despite us politely asking them to) but what would I have done if they did? I don't have any family to de-camp to, and I'm not about to pay for a hotel, so what could I do anyway? I don't want them to warn me, I want them to not do it at all. There are places for parties; bars, clubs, halls for hire. Why the hell should anyone have to beg a bed in a mates house for the night just to be able to sleep in peace? I've said it before on here. My peace doesn't ruin their lives, so why should other peoples noise ruin mine?

musicmomma · 16/04/2018 11:37

Yes you are the noisy neighbour. Ours did a 4am karaoke party just as you describe the day I came home from hospital after having my son. You have no idea what your neighbours are doing or going through on the nights you decide to have a massive party. Also, grow up. It's completely unnecessary.

HouseMouse77 · 16/04/2018 11:47

So you did an arsehole thing. Mumsnet would have you drawn and quartered but in real life I'd carry on being neighbourly and hope they thaw. They may assume they've misjudged you and don't want to further escalate any conflict so will just withdraw which is fair enough.

ABuckToothedGirlinLuxembourg · 16/04/2018 12:12

I bet you’re a delight to live next door to, a spontaneous noisy neighbour! I’d be furious with you for 2am karaoke.

ChocolateWombat · 16/04/2018 12:15

The thing is, people shouldn't have to come round and knock on your door, whilst in their PJs at 1 in the morning,not make you aware that they aren't enjoying your noise. It's not their responsibility to do this - it's yours to be simply aware of the impact of your actions on others.....land not do things which impact negatively.

They aren't really being passive aggressive are they? They are trying to avoid conflict....because if they speak to you about this, they fear being rude or damaging the relationship...and because they rightly feel, why should they have to discuss it with you....again, it's so blindingly obvious that they shouldn't have to raise it with you.

What will improve relations? As others say, apologising again, perhaps giving a bottle of wine or flowers, PLUS making clear that you won't be spontaneously having parties again or running into the small hours. I don't think you need to say you will never do karaoke again - you can do that if you want...BUT in a considerate way - that means warning them in advance and making sure it finishes well before midnight and certainly not doing it on a weeknight.

People are entitled to have the odd party. Parties are by nature noisy, but it's all about how you approach them and communication. Always tell people in advance, always keep noise to a minimum, always finish at a decent hour, only do it very occasionally, and probably offer a small gift afterwards,such as wine or chocolates. Acknowledging to yourself and the neighbours that what you have planned and are doing is a bit of a nuisance is really important.

liminality · 16/04/2018 12:47

Ditzyitzy
I agree! a couple a year is fine with me - with warning is better, or at least having their number so I can send them a text if there is an issue.

Honestly, living with noise is just part of urban life sometimes, its like everyone expects the whole world to a) be up at 7 and down at 9 and b) silent as the grave their whole lives.

I'm finding it quite outrageous really. GO take your neighbours a bottle of wine, give em a text the next time, and carry on living your life.

OliviaStabler · 16/04/2018 13:18

What is it with the people who think noise is fine if 'you invite the neighbours'? That is just a piss poor excuse.

People work on the weekends, work shifts, have to get up early for various reasons, have to tend to sick kids or parents etc. If you want a loud party, that is what a nightclub is for. Want Karaoke? That is what karaoke bars are for. Catch my drift?

SpartacusTheCat · 16/04/2018 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rawhh · 16/04/2018 14:54

You sound like a complete Twat OP. 11pm is one thing but 2AM. I'd be fucking fuming.

How can you be so lacking in awareness to think that would in anyway be acceptable? You're either 14years old of thick as fuck.

ladymariner · 16/04/2018 16:30

So what is the mumsnrt consensus on parties then, are people just not allowed to have them, or if they do, are they supposed to have a glass of sweet sherry and all be at home in bed by 10pm?
I agree the op has been insensitive by not warning her neighbours (and for having karaoke!! That truly is shitty behaviour) but she hasn't been a proper neighbour from hell, like the bastard my brother had to live next to for a while, now he was absolutely twattish.
Go round and apologise, op, clear the air. And next time, invite/warn the neighbours and dump the karaoke!!

Rawhh · 16/04/2018 17:07

Parties should become quieter from 11pm (to a level that doesn't disturb the neighbours) and as a courtesy you should inform those who you will be inflicting the noise upon.

If you want to hold all night parties then you need to hold them rurally where they wont disturb people.

Even as a teenager I could recognise that my friends who had huge all night parties in their houses in the middle of nowhere could do so because they didnt have neighbours. Whilst I was unable to because we lived in suburbia and would disturb people. Everyone I know realises this too.

8oOoOoOo8 · 16/04/2018 17:19

Legally, noise should be reduced by 11pm.

Out of common courtesy, people round here tend to go quieter from about 8pm. Nobody needs music so loud that their neighbours are disturbed.

If you want club style loud music, go clubbing. If you want karaoke, go to a pub.

expatinscotland · 16/04/2018 17:20

'So what is the mumsnrt consensus on parties then, are people just not allowed to have them, or if they do, are they supposed to have a glass of sweet sherry and all be at home in bed by 10pm?'

It's cunt behaviour to have an all night party in a built up residential area. In recognition of this, many cities now have the power to fine people who do this because some people just cannot refrain from acting like twats.