WTF is wrong with people?!

[itsallgravybaby]

Been out tonight for the first time in ages.
It was a friends birthday and we did a fancy dress pub crawl it was fun even though I'm nearly 30!

In between two pubs someone shouts "oh look it's X!" To the person walking next to me and praises him on his costume, then goes "oh look it's a fat cunt" about me.

I just don't get how people can be so cruel. I'm a size 18, and wasn't trying to be sexy or attract attention. Was literally walking down the fucking street. Totally ruined my night and I spent the next 15 mins crying in the pub toilets :(

Back home now feeling shite and so so upset, wtf is wrong with people, I didn't do anything :(

I hate the fact that the word fat has such power over us. My dd is 10 and the girls in her class are already being called it by the boys.

Omg, negging. My eyes have been opened and I can think of at least two examples of this that I have suffered which have stayed with me until now. God I wish I had Mumsnet when I was 15...

Op, you have the upper hand now, you know this guy's intentions and they had fuck all to do with how you looked/your size. Don't take responsibility for his intentions and mentally dump this fucker.

Power. Dominance. Agression. All designed to keep women on the back foot. Like a previous poster said, this is common and used to make sure we are reminded of our place by these idiots. I was horrified watching Dinner Date and a man saying "what I want to see is a nice pair of legs in a nice dress'. Therefore anything below his perception of a nice pair of legs would be deemed worthless .
This is no reflection on you OP. His aggression has stemmed from cultural conditioning and I can guarantee if you were a size 0 he would have said the same or used a different insult. The entitlement is everywhere. I've lost count of the times I've been told to "cheer up love"
I'm not sure what retort is best. For many the sense of entitlement is so great that any reaction will serve to fuel that power. Sometimes I wonder if I should develop a sense of entitlement myself and start telling men to cheer up at the bus stop and start yelling "get your dick out" when bored at traffic lights. I could start saying "I like you but your mate is a fat twat" when at the bar. But I won't as I'm conditioned not to and I'm conditioned to understand that I'm a product determined by male entitlement.

Great post Dd43, I agree with every word.

For a second just imagine having to live life as someone so small minded, angry and absolutely lacking in empathy that you'd think behaving like that towards a stranger was not only acceptable, but the right thing to do at that moment.

then thank wholly fuck that you don't spend your life trapped in a tiny bubble of misogynistic rage. Pity him his plight and be thankful that your version of the world is so much happier and kinder than his.

Probably has a dick like an acorn.....

Some wise posters here.
I agree that the word far is used as a go to put down.
I've been called a slag in my younger days whilst minding my own business, I agree that's used less as promiscuity is not seen as such a bad thing now.
Being fat, whatever that means, is.
I think my response would have been to shout and you've come as a piece of shit.
I think as you get older you tend to get ignored but also these twats know you are more likely to offer a put down back and they really don't want that.

All these posts show what totally horrible and unacceptable behaviour there is out there. My opinion is that these type of men are no longer confident of their place in society and are feeling very undermined by women - just think there's nothing we can't do now, and quite often much better and more successfully than men. Absolutely no excuse though for this sort of misogynistic, rude and in some cases violent behaviour.

a certain type of man can be very unpleasant to women.
Once I was on the tube and there was a group of drunken Polish men, and one of them was going down the carriage, pointing at women and saying loudly (in Polish) ' not pretty' 'not pretty' .
He pointed at me and said it and i told him to shut it (in Polish). His friends started laughing at him..
I changed carriage at the next stop...it was so aggressive.

. I have been called 'ugly' by random men on numerous occasions - like you, I have never been dressed in an attention-seeking way (not that it should have mattered if I had) but thought I looked 'presentable'.

Interestingly, I have always been called 'ugly' rather than 'fat' even at times in my life when I have definitely been fat (size 18-20 at 5'4) My theory on this is that men go for what they think will undermine you most - if you are not fat, or are just a bit overweight, being told you are might trigger insecurities about your weight; if you are obviously, undeniably fat, while it's still hurtful to be told this, 'ugly' is more of a 'surprise missile' than stating the obvious; and that's what they want - to throw your confidence under a bus .

Now I'm in my mid-forties, I seem to have become invisible and I'm thankful for it - quite happy to be in the 'too old even to bother insulting' category. I think they only insult people they see as being within their 'shag range' age-wise.

I'm sorry your night out was ruined, Op.

He's is a shallow, insecure idiot with a tiny cock who probably got knocked back by women all evening. You are worth ten of him.

I can't believe so many people have experienced this regularly - so sorry for all of your experiences

You are all so right - well adjusted, reasonable, nice people don't shout insults at people!! You were all bang on too - of course it was a man, an ignorant and probably small-penised man.

I'm feeling ok this morning. Like some of you it's a knock to my confidence and I won't forget it, but he's not worthy of a minute more of my time!

Thanks for all of your kind words

I've experienced similar OP, walking home from a night out in was stopped by a couple of guys who asked if I was going home alone, and continued that "because I must be used to that being a fat ugly slag".
Completely unprovoked, never seen them before or since.
They're bastards though, because that comment stuck with me.

Men on nights out can be awful and sometimes I think a lot of it stems from their own lack of confidence. When I was (A LOT) younger I was out in a club for one of the first times with a girl friend. A middle aged guy at the bar came up and put his arms around us both and essentially asked if we fancied a threesome. I pulled a face at my friend and he immediately withdrew, leant into me and said ‘a dog wouldn’t touch you’. He didn’t enjoy me asking what that made him then as he had just tried it on?
I felt shit about it for the rest of the night, then when I went home and told my mum she laughed!
I couldn’t believe her response at first until she pointed out that he obviously didn’t think I was ugly as otherwise he wouldn’t have tried it on, he just didn’t want to lose face in front of his friends and thought putting me down made him better!

So I guess my point is ignore immature kn*bheads who don’t know something good when they’re looking at it :-)

If it hadn’t been you, it would have been some other random woman.

It’s fascinating and fucking infuriating all at the same time.

Years ago, I was on a night out with a friend of mine. She’s always been quite overweight. Anyway, we’re walking from one pub to another and this group of wankers are on the other side of the street.

Next thing, for no reason, one shouts a load of derogatory shite about her weight.

I couldn’t believe it. I was fuming. She just shrugged and said she was used to it, and that it happened all the time.

I had a go at him and his response was “I wasn’t talkin to you love, I’d fuck you. But you’re a bit mouthy.”

Lucky me! Fucking prick.

*it sounds like this was a screaming match across a road. It wasn’t. If anyone knows Temple Bar in Dublin, you’ll know what I mean.

Another group of lads came along then and ended up having a dance and a singsong with us because Temple Bar! So the others just shuffled off.

But it ruined my night even though she claimed to be fine. How fucking dare men do this??

When I was a size 16 I was getting a taxi after a good night out and a guy walked by me and started shouting fatty at me.

He was twice my age and was overweight himself.

Still fucking hurt though.

You have to be seriously unhappy in your life to seek out purposely hurting people to get your kicks.

Oh op I've been there it's bullying and it's just plain nasty. Even years later it hurts just as much as back in school and it brings back horrible memories that have you Thinking why are people still picking on me?

My best comeback and I don't even know where it came from when someone called me a slag i looked him up and down laughed and said "a slag sleeps with anyone but you've got 0 chance with me" and walked off.

Try not to give it to much head space op and I hope you feel better today and that twat had a dodgy kebab on the way home

I'm nearly 50 and had this last week. Group of arses in a flatbed truck shouting incomprehensible shite at me as I waited to cross the road. I gave them the finger and mouthed 'wanker' at them.

Dp was with me at the time as well.

This thread is making me really angry!

How dare these shitty men treat us like this? As DD43 says if we answer back you never know what they're going to do.

I hate the fact that they have so much power to hurt us.

someone did this to an emaciated friend of mine.emaciated because she had been having chemo!
so this to me proves In the bigges tpossible way it just pure evil mean spirited twats that do this type of thing. regardless of your size they were looking for a vunerabiltiy in someone.it could have been anything.if your friend might have spots,a big nose.or you had cellulite they pick on the thing people most feel vunerable with and go for it.its from inside of them.a bad hearted person.
to then have one of them cat call a girl dying of cancer and her weight really proves this and what every other pp poster have been saying.
don't you let it get to you.its nothing on you.
your nice.thye aren't.they wanted to steal that goodnessfrom you to make them a horrible idiot like themselves.

I'm sorry they did that OP.

Some people are shitty. This person was one of those people. There are many, many worse things to be in life than overweight, and being a shitty scumbag is one of them.

It's usually men commenting about women too. I was called an ugly, fat lesbian by a man who resembles Jabba the Hutt and I laughed in his face. Seriously, he has to be one of the ugliest, fattest men I've ever laid eyes on but he thought he was god's gift.

I wish I had either his confidence or his mirror because deluded isn't the word for him when it comes to his opinion about himself.

He was really pissed off that I laughed by the way.

I wonder if it upset you so much because it happened for no reason and while you were happy, and it was so out of the blue and spiteful.

I think often these things are more shocking because they're unexpected and nasty and you're left wondering what provoked a stranger to be so vile for no reason when you were just minding your own business and having fun.

I think that's the heart of it for the scumbag who shouted at you. Some pathetic people can't bear to see other people happy. Some men don't like to see women out at all.

But the reason is, as I said before, he's a shitty person and he has to live with his own shittiness, but you can try to forget him. He's not worth your time or your tears.

DS has a reaction to people who say rude things in public by the way.

We heard a woman on the phone talking loudly in the street and as she walked past us she said: "and I wish I'd never fucking married the bastard."

DS is of an age where he loves to hear people swearing so he can pretend to be shocked by it, and he just blurted out "She looked like a normal person until she said that" and it made me laugh.

We use it now whenever anybody says something rude or nasty. They looked like a normal person until they said X" and it fits a lot more situations than you might think.

So shitty man might have looked like a normal person but he wasn't. He was Shitty Man, and he shouldn't be allowed out in public without his Mum to keep an eye on him.

Pictish is absolutely right, and her post bears repeating "Successful, intelligent, happy, well adjusted, confident and fulfilled people do not shout abuse at random people passing by. They just don’t. The bitterness, stupidity and cruelty it takes to perform like that comes from an inner well of dissatisfaction and self-loathing...and on that you may be certain. It must suck to be them."

Taking the above into account, a good retort to random abuse yelled in the street is "and yet I still wouldn't fuck you loser".

Sad thing is, they know in that nano second you’re going to likely be too thrown to give a decent comeback

But ultimately, you know their hearts are shrivelled to stone.
Sometimes I think it would be great to follow them home to their mums (highly likely they still live there) and tell their mums how disrespectful they are.
You’re a thousand times better than them

I can't believe some of these stories, wow!! And PP is right, it's just like being back at school and dealing with bullies again.

The absolute cheek of it! I hope one day I can be as quick witted as some of you with your comebacks, you've really cheered me up!