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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WTF is wrong with people?!

121 replies

itsallgravybaby · 15/04/2018 02:47

Been out tonight for the first time in ages.
It was a friends birthday and we did a fancy dress pub crawl it was fun even though I'm nearly 30!

In between two pubs someone shouts "oh look it's X!" To the person walking next to me and praises him on his costume, then goes "oh look it's a fat cunt" about me.

I just don't get how people can be so cruel. I'm a size 18, and wasn't trying to be sexy or attract attention. Was literally walking down the fucking street. Totally ruined my night and I spent the next 15 mins crying in the pub toilets :(

Back home now feeling shite and so so upset, wtf is wrong with people, I didn't do anything :(

OP posts:
pictish · 15/04/2018 08:03

I can recall another instance when I was 18 or so. I was at a New Years party and ended up in the bathroom with about three girl friends. As we came out we had to walk down a hallway lined with a group of blokes either side, which spilled into the sitting room. As I passed by one bloke shouted out, “Eww you are fucking HORRIBLE!”, at me and everyone turned to see who he was shouting at. I was horrified. It’s true to say I wasn’t all miniskirt, heels and low cut top like the other girls in my group, but I think ‘fucking horrible’ was bloody harsh.
It totally ruined my night. I just wanted to go home and cry after that. Made me feel like a monster.

SunnyCoco · 15/04/2018 08:06

What an arsehole

I agree with the other posters, it’s absolutely nothing to do with you or what you look like, it’s all to do with him and his own misogynistic egotistical patriarchal self

I’ve had similar and I usually say something like “oh it’s lucky you’re so gorgeous then isn’t it” - yes not the wittiest comeback but makes me feel like I take a little bit of power back

Chin up babe x

UrsulaPandress · 15/04/2018 08:06

A chap in a nightclub once passed negative comment on my appearance. I beckoned him to me and he swaggered over, I smiled and pulled his face close to my mouth then whispered 'fuck off you ignorant bastard' in his ear. I thought for one moment he was going to hit me.

Tossers the lot of em.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 15/04/2018 08:09

Op, don't feel bad, practially every woman will have experienced this type of comment/putdown in their life. There was another long post about the same thing - a woman minding her business and verbally abused about her appearance by a random MALE. When you said "someone" shouted we all knew instantly that it was a male who said that to you. It is part of some misogynistic behavious that seems hot-wired into a lot of men and is designed to keep us in our place, and, as Pictish said - they are being nasty because they think the woman who dares to be unattractive to them, is worthless. Learn some comebacks for next time you come across one of these knuckle-dusters, cos you will - they keep breeeding the fuckers.

whiteroseredrose · 15/04/2018 08:10

My favourite retort thanks to MN is 'Wow, you're rude' with a disdainful stare then walking off. Generally makes them uncomfortable. It's not worth trying to fight back as that would be stooping to their level.

Playdow · 15/04/2018 08:10

Got to say I love the pussies who drive by and yell fat bitch and sorts, then drive away. Cowards. I would have told the guy to go fuck himself.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 15/04/2018 08:13

killer comeback whiterose..:)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/04/2018 08:16

(((((((((((()))))))))))))))). İ promise I'm not just saying this but Size 18 is a beautiful size.curvy and wOmanly.
Hes nothing but a bullying who seemingly can only Insult women. That's a shit house for you.
He'll insult a women infront of her partner one day and get ko'd and he'll have no one else to blame but himself, and I hope you're there to see it

SarfE4sticated · 15/04/2018 08:21

I think that people have become a lot crueler recently. Twitter and online forums give people the opportunity to be incredibly rude and get away with it. If challenged they can say its 'free speech'. I hate the way society has become.
If it's any help, a lot of people from groups that have been openly abused, try to reclaim the harmful words 'gay' etc. Maybe if we can't change society we can change the way we react to it?
I'm sorry you had such a rubbish night OP Flowers

Anniegetyourgun · 15/04/2018 08:22

I've been called a slag and a dried-up old hag in the same sentence. Unfortunately telling them to make their minds up doesn't work, as they're too thick to understand why what they've said makes no sense. But then I'm at the time of life where such idiocy amuses rather than depresses me. The depressing bit is that such ghastly creatures walk amongst us disguised as human beings. If they didn't open their mouths we might have been fooled.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/04/2018 08:22

Hes probably just insecure because he's got a small dick. Wink

RandomWordsStuckTogether · 15/04/2018 08:26

I do always assume that men who shout this sort of abuse at random women in the street, or aggressive men in general, are masking some massive inadequacy. Either lower than average intelligence or underendowment and poor sexual performance.

CookPassBabtridge · 15/04/2018 08:36

Please try and forget it OP. For someone to say that to another person means they are very lacking on the inside. Imagine your DP or your father or male friend saying it... bet they wouldn't would they? Only a certain type of empty, simple man comes out with stuff like that. Not worth giving them head space.9

CookPassBabtridge · 15/04/2018 08:37

Please try and forget it OP. For someone to say that to another person means they are very lacking on the inside. Imagine your DP or your father or male friend saying it... bet they wouldn't would they? Only a certain type of empty, simple man comes out with stuff like that. Not worth giving them head space.9

DonutWorryBeHappy · 15/04/2018 08:44

When I haven't accepted a gross man's advances in the past I've been called a frigid bitch, or uptight etc. Some men are so arrogant!!

stressedoutpa · 15/04/2018 08:49

I'd have said something along the lines of, "At least I don't have shit for brains".

Seriously, who is he to judge you? People can be very cruel and I don't let their opinion define me. In fact, I'd probably laugh at the fact he was such a stupid wanker with a small willy.

In my late, twenties I had just left the gym and some random bloke across the road shouted at me, "fat legs!". I was fit and a size 10. Confused

RosieCockle · 15/04/2018 08:50

I was annoyed this week when someone started a game of Words with Friends (Scrabble) with me, then said: Good luck fat girl. In my profile I had a pic of my face, which didn't look fat - although I AM fat, haha. But I thought: what exactly is the point of that?? Blocked him without replying. Mind you, he inadvertently complimented me by using the word girl, given that I'm 41Grin

TammySwansonTwo · 15/04/2018 08:51

“Oh look, it’s ugly virgin!”

If he’s going to be a dick, be a dick back.

I know it’s hard, I’m much bigger at the moment since having my twins, and this would really upset me too. I’m trying to remind myself I am more than my weight!

missbattenburg · 15/04/2018 08:54

Fat is just the go-to insult for a woman, regardless of size.

This. I wish it wasn't but I think it's just used because they think it will hurt the most, regardless of truth. Slag used to be used more but I think is losing it's power these days as promiscuity is judged less.

We also do the same back - we jump straight to using dick size as in insult regardless of whether or not it is true (in most cases we don't know). I understand the hatred for the f*ckrs in this case, but wish we didn't do that too. Having a small penis is just a factor of biology and shouldn't be used as an insult to hurt people for all the same reasons "fat" shouldn't.

OP, I am sorry this ruined your night and understand why it did but honestly don't think this had anything at all to do with you and everything to do with them. It's hard to see that when it's directed at you because we're all so vulnerable. It's very easy to see that when you're outside, looking in on the situation so you'll have to trust us Smile

Deltonia · 15/04/2018 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 15/04/2018 09:01

It's horrible, isn't it. I once had someone walk by me on a night out who looked me up and down and then turned to his mate and said 'nice legs, shame about the face' so I could hear.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 15/04/2018 09:02

Read NutellaFitzgerald’s post again OP. It bears repeating.

pictish · 15/04/2018 09:04

In answer to the question ‘wtf is wrong with people?” I will say that I don’t know...but something is awry with these idiots.

Successful, intelligent, happy, well adjusted, confident and fulfilled people do not shout abuse at random people passing by. They just don’t. The bitterness, stupidity and cruelty it takes to perform like that comes from an inner well of dissatisfaction and self-loathing...and on that you may be certain. It must suck to be them.

Strugglingtodomybest · 15/04/2018 09:05

Hope you're feeling better now OP.

People can be very cruel, and I think it usually starts at home with kids learning from their parents to be contemptuous of people

Totally agree and have seen it in action. A dad was watching his son play primary school hockey. One of the girls on the team was fat and the dad was telling his younger son, well, we all know why she can't run fast, and laughing. I couldn't believe he'd say that. Why not compliment her on trying her best? I wish I'd said something now.

DD43 · 15/04/2018 09:12

@thecatfromjapan

A certain type of man does this for attention. Which is very weird. In theory, it's 'negging' - they prey on female insecurity to get into a relationship. That's creepy enough - but I think some men don't even have a plan, they just follow some sort of hard-wired algorithm.

Agree with this, but don't think it's being done to get into a relationship. It's being done to keep women in their place.

@nutellafitzgerald

I reckon that comment wasn't anything at all to do with you and everything to do with him. You could have been anybody.

What he wanted was to feel dominant and in control because he knows he is neither.

I've seen this kind of behaviour so many time and it's always the self-loathing types that do it.

Agree 100%

@donajimena

fireball I've been called the same as OP too and I'm a size 10. Its just an utter dickwad default phrase designed to try and hurt/dominate and 'impress' their equally dickish mates.

Agree with all of the above. And yeah it is 'negging...' Basically trying to make a woman feel worthless, and like shit, to make himself feel better about his worthless, 'piece-of-shit' self, and to look 'big' in front of his mates. I guarantee at least one or two of his mates would have felt bad for you, but too embarrassed to say anything.

Look at at Stifler from American Pie and Jay from The Inbetweeners; gobby, rude, and obnoxious, and insulting to women, and most of their mates cringe when they speak.. None of the rest of this group in real life, ever have the nerve to challenge the vile cunt in the group though, in case they look 'weak.' (coz talking down to women and putting them in their place is a strength. Hmm )

Like many women here, I have been insulted by men when I have been out, and called fat, a slag, a whore, a cunt, and a hideous oxen (that was my fave moment, as the man spat at me as this car was driving by and screamed 'die you fat monster' at me as the car spend past.) I was 12 stone and a size 16 and 5 ft 4, so was 'curvy' but not huge.

I am shocked by the amount of posters here saying similar things have happened, it's actually dreadful. In some ways comforting though, to know it's not just happening to you. Still not great obviously!!!

Although it is tempting, I don't subscribe to the 'scream back at him,' 'punch him,' 'hit him in the face with a kebab and he will jolly well be taught a lesson' type of comments. These dreadful creatures already hate women and are full of self loathing. Attacking them back rarely ends well, in a situation where they are with a group of other men.

A pal of mine (around 25 years ago,) fought back, when a man said 'oy slag, suck me cock!' and slapped her arse in front of his 5 or 6 mates in a pub, and she bit back and said 'fuck off!' and shoved him back slightly, then turned her back on him.

Before she knew it, he had his hand round the back of her neck, and shoved her face into the wall, fracturing the bridge of her nose and breaking 2 front teeth, then he jerked her head back and threw her on the floor, and said 'mess with me yer fucking cunt and I'll fucking kill yer.'

3 or 4 of his mates jeered and threw their arms up in the air with glee at their mate putting this 'cunt' in her place. A couple of them looked uncomfortable and said 'fucking 'ell man' steady on..' and within 30 seconds they had all disappeared. We never saw them again, and there was no cctv where we were. We called the police but they never found them.

So, don't confront them, and try and come out with a smart put-down, or think you will be 'putting him in his place' .. this is already a man who hates women, and he is not going to think you are funny or clever, and you could find yourself in danger.

Just walk by and ignore him. People like this crave attention, and if they are ignored it will disappoint them. Hopefully they pick on the wrong person one day and they get their face smashed in.

(((HUGS))) to you @itsallgravybaby Flowers Please don't let this get you down. You are not fat, you're gorgeous, and as has been said, this man just need an insult to throw.

Like a few women here, I have also been insulted when I was a size 10 and 9 stone. One example is ... I was walking down the street to the beach once, with my shorts and vest top and flip-flops on, (in 90 degrees F weather,) and had some random man pull up and wind down the window, and say 'OY, you fucking fat dirty slag, who the fuck do you think you are, you filthy cunt, dressed like a fucking slag, dirty fucking slag slag slag!!' with a menacing evil sneer on his face. I was literally TERRIFIED and darted into a shop.

I know many other women who have had similar things happen to them, ranging from catcalls and insults, to blatant threats.... Including young relatives of mine, and it's so upsetting to know they have had to go through this. I really don't know why these men feel the need to be so evil, and wonder what their mothers (and other female relatives) would think of them.

Have to agree with the poster who said it never happens after you get to middle age. There are some tough things about ageing, but not getting constantly hit on or verbally attacked by random males is one of the benefits.

@Deltonia (end of previous page,) all those things that happened to you and your parents are awful. I am so sorry.

I am also sorry for all the people on here who have suffered abuse at the hands of tiny little men with low self worth...

(((HUGS))) for you all.... Smile

One last thing, this post by @pictish speaks volumes,.......

Successful, intelligent, happy, well adjusted, confident and fulfilled people do not shout abuse at random people passing by. They just don’t. The bitterness, stupidity and cruelty it takes to perform like that comes from an inner well of dissatisfaction and self-loathing...and on that you may be certain. It must suck to be them.

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