To put my career before my child

[Madisonthecat]

Before I get started I’ll start by saying I think I am but really need some advice from the wise women (and men) of Mumsnet.

Currently not working and have been offered two roles which is fantastic, know I’m really lucky.

Role 1 - three days a week, 9-5, public sector job. Pretty straightforward and could do it reasonably comfortably in the time allowed with little requirement for overtime I think.

Role 2 - amazing opportunity, great pay (£15,000 more than role 1) and amazing benefits. BUT.... it’s full time only, will probably require lots of overtime, travel and be pretty stressful day in day out. It’s a sector I love and would really enjoy getting back into.

What do I do? I would love to do role 2 and if I was childless would take it in a heartbeat. But I have a 3 year old and a partner who works long hours in a demanding role too and can’t help feeling that it’s really not in the best interests of my child to take it. My partner will do a few things around the house (cooking) but I definitely do the lions share of housework and 95% of childcare currently. My previous role after mat leave was 3 days a week and worked well for us as a family as I was happy to pick up the slack. We have no family support at all.

This time I guess I feel conflicted because it’s basically a dream job and I feel sad that as a Mum it feels seems you’re forced to choose between a varied, interesting and well rewarded career or putting your children first and taking something less challenging and with less pay but providing a much better work/life balance.

I will miss my child hugely if I take role 2 as it’s also a fairly long commute (1 hour each way) and would have to accept hardly seeing them on weeekdays. What would you do??

Btw I’ve put this in AIBU as I’m after quick responses. Need to confirm either way tomorrow. Help!

I would do 1 but I don't think there's anything wrong with going for 2. I have really struggled to balance career with kids to the extent that I took redundancy last summer and am now building up my own business (very slowly!). However I am jealous of women who are able to do both effectively. That said I think it's a non starter unless either the kids df is not as career minded or is able to do a significant amount of child ferrying and housework.

Ps agree it's harder when they are at school
Which makes it a good time to go for the better job.

@frazzled I agree. It only works if both parents value each others careers and take equal responsibility for childcare, housework etc.
It's only possible for me to have a successful career because my DH does his fair share of drop off, pick ups and vice versa.

I think its a funny idea to decide not to use childcare because you want your child's personality to be shaped by you and you alone.

I am far from perfect and many of the nursery nurses and nannies who looked after my kids are a lot nicer than I am. They certainly have more patience.