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Original poster

Oversensitive about something I heard at party?

111 replies

dextermorgan1 · 11/04/2018 21:27

Hi am keeping the details vague as don't want to be outed.

I overheard a conversation at a party recently, it was a children's birthday party. Two women were chatting, I know them both but one better than the other. The one who I know quite well (I would class her as a friend) had her baby with her and she was letting the other woman hold him while they chatted.

Baby started crying. The woman holding him said "Is he crying because he has ginger hair?" and then laughed. She passed him back to his mother who didn't say anything, just smiled awkwardly. I felt really bad for her! Firstly, he doesn't really have ginger hair it's just a light auburn brown, and secondly even if he did, so what! Babies are beautiful no matter what hair colour they have. And even if you don't think so, surely you don't make a comment like that?!

These two women don't know each other that well, they had mutual friends at the party and probably see each other every few months or so. I've spoken to my friend since this and she said she was a bit surprised but not really offended as she knows this other woman is a nice person and wouldn't have meant it horribly.

AIBU to think it's just something you don't say?!! Am prepared to be told I am!

OP posts:
ditavonteesed · 12/04/2018 08:05

Another red head here, who at 18 dyed my hair black and kept it that way until I was 30. Sustained bullying no matter how low level about a physical characteristic is not acceptable and I can not understand how it is still seen as so in this country or would be ok about any other characteristic. Redheads historically in many cultures were seen as witches. I love my hair now but it has taken me a long time to be able to say that and to develop any sort of self confidence after an entire youth of being bullied.

pigmcpigface · 12/04/2018 08:11

Are you being a bit oversensitive? Yes, I think so - because, from the context that your friend provides, this is a case of a generally nice person saying something stupid, rather than an evil cow being deliberately undermining! Personally, if you're close enough as friends, I would ask the other mum for coffee and then coo over how beautiful the baby's auburn hair is, and how lucky s/he is to have such wonderful colouring - just like [insert appropriate model/pre-Raphaelite painting] before moving on to other subjects.

pigmcpigface · 12/04/2018 08:15

Oh, and to add - for 10 years I dyed my mousey brown hair red quite deliberately! I loved having long, flowing red locks and got loads of positive comments from people about them - and no discrimination apart from in China, where I seemed to be regarded as some kind of cross between a celebrity and a witch. This is not to deny the very real prejudice that people with red hair face but to say that I think being an elective red head as an adult is probably very different from being a non-elective one at school, however. Kids can be cruel.

Sadly, my hair got too thin to sustain the length when I became very ill. So I chopped it off, and am now a jagged, short blonde!

FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 08:20

Dexter Morgan was ginger Grin

BanyanTree · 12/04/2018 08:35

she said she was a bit surprised but not really offended as she knows this other woman is a nice person and wouldn't have meant it horribly.

Nice people don't say things like this to others. This woman is a bitch and you friend is a pushover who needs to start learning how to stick up for her DC now before any of them have self esteem issues from being bullied. People like her need putting in their place so they think twice next time they open their mouths.

Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 12/04/2018 08:41

Thanks for comments. It's both interesting and upsetting to read about some of the ways redheads are still treated, also I didn't know it had roots in racism/religious bigotry.

Alberta that's awful :( your son doesn't deserve that and don't really know what to say except that it's disgusting and most decent people will see that.

pig really a witch?! It's amazing how much of a stir just a hair colour can cause.

I will just continue to tell my friend how gorgeous her baby is because he truly is! And put this down to 'foot in mouth' possibly influenced by the history between them.

OP posts:
Slievenamon · 12/04/2018 08:43

Nice people don't say things like this to others. This woman is a bitch and you friend is a pushover

They do actually. Nice people don't call randomers bitches and pushovers online though on such flimsy evidence Hmm

Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 12/04/2018 08:43

friedeggs ha yes he was!!!! So funny, I name changed to start this thread and just picked his name as I'm such a fan and didn't even think of the hair colour, must have been subconscious!

OP posts:
Charmatt · 12/04/2018 08:45

My mum is ginger and so to are two of my brothers. My mum is 76 and only just turning grey. My brother is 50 and doesn't have a single grey hair. I was going grey before I hit 40! Apparently it is the last colour pigment in hair to fade. My mum has had fabulous hair all her life and I love it - I wish I'd had it. I hoped my children would have been lucky enough to have ginger hair, but haven't, though they have inherited some of the thickness and lustre I didn't!

Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 12/04/2018 08:46

Bayan I don't think it's fair to say she's a pushover, she has other children and believe me would be the first to stick up for them in a more serious situation, she's assertive but not confrontational if that makes sense. It's just not her style to have knee jerk reactions and make a scene, she is calm and quite level headed.

OP posts:
8misskitty8 · 12/04/2018 08:47

Dd1 has red hair. I had dd2 not long after she started school nursery. When the class photo got taken one of the mums pointed to her in the photo and laughed ‘ check the ginger’ she said in not in a nice way to me.
I said excuse me that’s my daughter. She then bent down and lifted dd2’s hat up. ‘ is this another one, oh no it isn’t your safe’

Bitch. Her son wasn’t much better.

FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 08:50

Yes must have been subconscious OP! Sorry for derail but I'm a huuuuuge fan. Currently watching the boxset after being recommended it by a friend and can't wait to get stuck back in when DD is back to school next week! Grin

littlemissminor · 12/04/2018 08:51

My DD is 7 months and has beautiful red hair - you honestly wouldn't believe the number of people that have said to me "don't worry, it will change colour as she gets older" ?!

I love her hair. I am not worried. I don't want it to change colour! Confused

FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 08:52

DM dyed his hair around season 7 to be a deep ginger, did you notice?!

MumofBoysx2 · 12/04/2018 09:01

What a strange (and insulting) thing to say!

supersop60 · 12/04/2018 09:17

DP and I both ginger (sadly fading now) and DC both ginger. We have all endured the comments (Duracell, copper knob etc)
My DD, in a job interview, turned it to her advantage. When asked if she could cope with workplace banter she said "Well, I'm 5ft tall and Ginger - I think I can cope with banter" She got the job.
The woman in OP's statement made an ill-advised joke. My response would have been very rude.

supersop60 · 12/04/2018 09:21
Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 12/04/2018 15:34

@FriedEggs1 sorry only just had a chance to reply - yes it's a great show isn't it! So addictive! And it's been a few years since I watched it but I remember being fascinated by his hair colour quite a few times throughout the show, I did notice it was sometimes more ginger than others :) must rewatch on Netflix!

OP posts:
Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 12/04/2018 15:36

@Supersop60 that song1 Lol love it.

OP posts:
FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 16:03

Hi Dexter. Yes I noticed it changed from kind of a dirty blonde to quite vibrant red but he had Hodgkin's lymphoma at some point so maybe that made a difference and was a different shade when it grew back. It's incredibly addictive yes! I can usually cram in 3 during the day Blush (I work evenings). The music is a total earworm though! I love the Debra Morgan character and how she just blurts out her foul-mouthed one-liners Grin. Don't think it's on netflix at the moment though.

DairyisClosed · 12/04/2018 16:06

You are really overreacting. It's weird but it's not like she called him a little wanker.

FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 16:06

There's a rather fetching figure and slide set on ebay 😂

FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 16:08

Might get one to cuddle when I finish the last episode

Oversensitive about something I heard at party?
FriedEggs1 · 12/04/2018 16:14

OK I'll stop now

Oversensitive about something I heard at party?
peacheachpearplum · 12/04/2018 16:17

She might have been offended but bit her lip. A few years ago my GS was born, a woman at work asked the usual things, weight, sex, name and I said his name and she wrinkled her nose and said, "Oh I don't like that." I bit my lip hard as I wanted to say, "Well at least it isn't as bad as xxx" (her GDs name) I genuinely didn't like her GDs name but when she told me it I said, "Oh how lovely." Which is the only response I think is appropriate. So yes I think she might have been offended, I know my mum used to get upset at comments people made about my brother's ginger hair.

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