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AIBU?

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Original poster

Oversensitive about something I heard at party?

111 replies

dextermorgan1 · 11/04/2018 21:27

Hi am keeping the details vague as don't want to be outed.

I overheard a conversation at a party recently, it was a children's birthday party. Two women were chatting, I know them both but one better than the other. The one who I know quite well (I would class her as a friend) had her baby with her and she was letting the other woman hold him while they chatted.

Baby started crying. The woman holding him said "Is he crying because he has ginger hair?" and then laughed. She passed him back to his mother who didn't say anything, just smiled awkwardly. I felt really bad for her! Firstly, he doesn't really have ginger hair it's just a light auburn brown, and secondly even if he did, so what! Babies are beautiful no matter what hair colour they have. And even if you don't think so, surely you don't make a comment like that?!

These two women don't know each other that well, they had mutual friends at the party and probably see each other every few months or so. I've spoken to my friend since this and she said she was a bit surprised but not really offended as she knows this other woman is a nice person and wouldn't have meant it horribly.

AIBU to think it's just something you don't say?!! Am prepared to be told I am!

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 11/04/2018 22:57

I have a penchant for reading cheap old novels. What is striking is that red-heads are often referred to as being outstandingly beautiful. I hope this current fashion for putting down red hair will pass soon. Though abundant in the UK, it is a very rare colour of hair and should be prized.

kimanda · 11/04/2018 22:58

If you have never seen it...... A clip from the Catherine Tate.

Funny, but quite melancholy as it is real life for some gingers who are constantly vilified for their (beautiful) hair colour.

Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 11/04/2018 23:01

Worra that's interesting, got to say that never even entered my head but you never know. I don't think they know each other well enough to have discussed anything like that though if that makes sense?
Just polite chit chat.

Saucyjane aww! Yes I understand what it's like having DP clones Grin

OP posts:
shouldprobablysaynothing · 11/04/2018 23:03

My son is a redhead and if she's said that to me I'd have responded with "No, I think he's crying because he just caught sight of your big ugly mug"

AviatorShades · 11/04/2018 23:03

She's daft, that lady..
daft and stoopid.
My sister and I have ginger hair, inherited from our mother. A school friend of mine at junior school, who didn't know our surname, used to refer to us as The Orange FamilyGrin
A boyfriend thought it was SO funny, so very very witty, to call across the street to me once "hello Ginge! How's yer minge?"
Oh, how I laughed. Not.

LemonysSnicket · 11/04/2018 23:04

Sounds like she’s just a bit weird tbh ( my DP is a fluorescent orange man too)

Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 11/04/2018 23:05

kimanda oh yes seen this years ago when it first aired but had forgotten about it! You're right, it's very exaggerated but still a good commentary on how some people treat redheads as though they are different and not in a good way.

OP posts:
Original poster
dextermorgan1 · 11/04/2018 23:09

shouldprobablysaynothing Grin

Aviator what a twat! It's unfortunate that ginge rhymes with minge, I've heard that a few times in the past....
I think some people see ginger haired people has an excuse to take the piss because society sees them as fair game. It must be horrible for kids Sad

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 11/04/2018 23:10

Red hair is lovely. The woman who said this is thoughtless, frankly.

merville · 11/04/2018 23:13

All the 'oh it's just her trying to be funny', 'you shouldn't be offended if the mother wasn't' ... Eh, no - the woman is a right c*nt and your friend is too nice/soft. Oh and you can be offended on someone else's behalf if you want, that's your natural (in this case justified) reaction.

Bambamber · 11/04/2018 23:17

My DD has very striking, beautiful red hair. Strangers often compliment the colour, then follow it up with 'I bet she's got a fiery temper. I normally just smile and sarcastically say 'Oh how original, we haven't heard that one before'. It's never come across as malicious so I'm not overly bothered, but at the same time I don't want my DD to be defined by the colour of her hair.

TheXXFactor · 11/04/2018 23:22

If they were mocking skin colour it would and 100% quite rightly too, be called hate crime

Mmm, did I miss millions of red-headed people being enslaved, transported thousands of miles in chains, chucked alive overboard if they got sick, then raped, worked to death or lynched if they tried to escape?

I don't like teasing of red-heads, but it's fucking stupid somewhat disproportionate to compare it to racism or a hate crime. People get teased about all sorts of things, because large parts of the population are twats. If we start criminalising twattishness, we're going to need a lot more prisons.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/04/2018 23:44

It's shit whoever says it.
When my niece was born, she had some blood mixed in with her hair, so I said to my blonde sister "oh she might have my colour hair [ginger]" and my dear sister Hmm said "oh send her back then, I don't want a ginger one"

My own husband, having both a red haired mother and ginger wife, breathed an audible sigh of relief that our sons were not ginger.

It makes me so angry when people trivialise it and treat it as "banter", a "bit of teasing" - bollocks. Children can't help their hair colour any more than they can help their eye colour, or their skin colour. Bullying them (teasing, banter, call it what you want, it's casting negative aspersions on someone over something they cannot help) is unpleasant and unnecessary.

And yes, 40+ years ago I DID get namecalled for having ginger hair. It's not new (and then again in my 20s - that was fun Hmm)

LeighaJ · 11/04/2018 23:44

Unfortunately jokes about ginger hair are about as common as blonde jokes, but I do think it's rather crass to poke fun at a baby's hair colour.

If it were me I probably would have asked what she meant as it's not a good joke because it doesn't make any sense.

I'm a redhead though wouldn't be classed as a ginger per se, my husband although less vocal about it then he was before I was pregnant I think is still secretly hoping our daughter will get my hair colour. I'm concerned she'll be teased if she does.

Rollonweekend · 11/04/2018 23:53

It was completely rude.

fakelondoner · 11/04/2018 23:59

Redhead here, who has spent years batting away such ridiculous comments. I now just refer those brave souls to this:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KiEUkYCuvuM

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 12/04/2018 00:06

Ginger hate has its roots in racism. Minority Celts/Irish/Scottish would often be redheads. Protesting against that injustice? What a temper those redheads have!

beyondBeyondLivid · 12/04/2018 03:21

You're being unreasonable to be offended on someone's behalf; especially when that person wasn't. They were a bit rude though.

"ginger shaming"

"hate crime"

Get a grip!

LittleRedTerfette · 12/04/2018 05:48

My two boys and I have red hair. I am sadly braced for a lifetime of this shit. I applaud their hair all the time, they are beautiful little boys and it’s very striking on them.

Unless you’re on the receiving end of this, you can not understand how corrosive it is to self esteem.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/04/2018 07:05

It's not just related to nationality - red heads were often, in the middle ages, considered to be witches/ satanists.
This isn't exactly a decent academic source but it will do! howtobearedhead.com/8-historical-facts-about-redheads-and-witchcraft/

Juells · 12/04/2018 07:24

I find the 'ginger' bullying awful. And it is bullying. Seems to be totally accepted in England though for some reason not entirely unconnected to the Scots and the Irish AFAICS.

When I was a child, in Ireland, that colour was referred to as 'foxy', but that wasn't an insult, just a descriptor.

Raaaaaah · 12/04/2018 07:32

She just sounds a bit thick.

Two of our children have red hair. I have only ever heard complements. My elder DD gets a bit embarrassed by the number of times people tell her what a beautiful hair colour it is.

As a teen my best friend was a red head. She was gorgeous and we were all envious of her locks as we put lashings of sun in on our mousey locks.

PlumsGalore · 12/04/2018 07:37

I'm a ginger too and I would have retaliated as some of the others have and said "no, he's crying because your ugly".

I genuinely believe us gingers are fiery though, it's no myth!

Oh and ginger shaming is very much alive and kicking.

diddl · 12/04/2018 07:47

Even if it was "temper" related-it was a baby being spoken about!

So other babies don't cry??!!

Can't see that there's any way it is jokey tbh.

AlbertaSimmons · 12/04/2018 07:52

My redheaded DS2, now an adult, has told me that every single day of his life he has been mocked or insulted about his colouring. It started at birth when the midwife handed him overwith an apology "sorry Alberta, he's a bit...auburn" and continued from there. He's been chased through the street and beaten up by thugs who took exception to his gingerness, he was relentlessly bullied all through school and followed by curious crowds in rural China.

Ginger hate is definitely a thing. And it does have roots in racism, and in some countries it's to do with religion.