Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why SIL does this?

109 replies

IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 09:29

I was visiting family abroad over the weekend. They live in a city that has a couple of possible airports to fly in. I was talking to my brother about my flights in/out and he said something like 'oh, yes, SIL noticed there were no flights to airport X on Saturday'

It is at least the second time she does that, ie to check something about my flights. They are not picking me up from the airport nor dropping me off when I leave, so I do not understand why she does it, and it pisses me off. Makes me feel she is checking up on me.

Can anyone think of another reasonable and possibly nicer, explanation for her actions?

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 11/04/2018 09:51

I really couldn't get upset over this.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 09:51

Perhaps she is excited for you to arrive?
Doubt it Grin

Me too!

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 11/04/2018 09:51

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I'm not. Let me dripfeed to tell you why.

I'd like to second (and directly quote, because it bears repeating) Worra: 'Go NC with the flight checking cowbag.'

backsackcraic · 11/04/2018 09:53

Don't let it bother you. If he says it again just say oh why was she checking, has she found me a cheap flight.

maras2 · 11/04/2018 09:59

Grin worra

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 10:01

GeekyWombat
I am actually happy to be told that this is not a big deal and I should not read anything else into it.

I didn't give any the 'back story' first exactly for that reason. I was asking if people could find other reasons, because in my paranoid mind, I couldn't, that's all.

OP posts:
TammyWhyNot · 11/04/2018 10:02

Ask her. Just directly, with no seething hidden agenda or subtext.
"How did you know that?"

Be grateful that they are on hand for when your Mum has an emergency - it does sound pretty selfish to discuss cheaper flights v getting to your Mum, and I wonder how it sounded to them , you weighing up cost v potential hours of your Mum's life and the strain on them of dealing with unexpecteds like that.

Zaphodsotherhead · 11/04/2018 10:08

If my SIL was planning on flying to visit me, I would have a cursory look at flights around the weekend she was planning to come, and then mention there were no flights on a Saturday in case she'd been planning to visit on the Saturday and hadn't checked flights first and then had to replan her visit mentally because of no flights. So, a nice thing to do.

Of course, I wouldn't phrase it as 'dur, you idiot, hadn't you SEEN that there's no flights on the Saturday!' Did she do that? Are you projecting or was she just trying to be helpful and you are seeing it as micromanaging?

HollowTalk · 11/04/2018 10:12

I would assume that your SIL is pissed off that she and your brother have much more responsibility for your mum than you, and that you are trying to evade responsibility by lying about flights.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 10:17

I would assume that your SIL is pissed off that she and your brother have much more responsibility for your mum than you, and that you are trying to evade responsibility by lying about flights.

That's what I think too - not that I am lying, but that she thinks that I am lying.

OP posts:
TammyWhyNot · 11/04/2018 10:22

Who cares why she does it?
Why get wound up by it if it is something that is of no detriment to you?

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 10:28

Be grateful that they are on hand for when your Mum has an emergency - it does sound pretty selfish to discuss cheaper flights v getting to your Mum, and I wonder how it sounded to them , you weighing up cost v potential hours of your Mum's life and the strain on them of dealing with unexpecteds like that.

This is the reason why I didn't really want to go into the backstory!

My mum was not dying. It was serious but not fatal.
My brother also thought it was best to wait a couple of days to see what else was needed.
I had to weight up costs as I knew I would have to fly the following week too.

I am very grateful that he is there for when an emergency happens.

OP posts:
PasDeDeux · 11/04/2018 10:30

I do things like this because Im a nosey cow.

ReversingSnail · 11/04/2018 10:32

The idea that she thinks you're lying is putting 2 and 2 together to make 5. Do you dislike each other?

Does she get nervous if she isn't "in the know" or in control (and is she interfering in other ways?) Is she anxious about planes/flying - would she do the same if it was a train journey?

SoyDora · 11/04/2018 10:35

Why do you think she’s doing it?

HonkyWonkWoman · 11/04/2018 10:35

IamAporcupine you can hardly be "hands on" looking after your Dm if you live over 2hours flight away.
Also, I can never get my head round, why people have to rush all over the place because someone is in hospital (unless there's a chance they may be dying).
I've had a couple of operations at an hospital quite far away and insisted that I would be annoyed if either of (my married with young kids) Dc, came to visit.
I'm in hospital, being looked after! What are they going to do?
It really pisses me off that some mardy arse people expect family to dance attendance just because they're in hospital.
Don't get me wrong, they looked after me when I came out but were grateful that I hadn't expected them to drive nearly an hour after working full time, talking to me for an hour (we'd been in touch by text, phone, FaceTime all day any way) then driving back an hour.
So what do your Db and DSil expect you to do with regards caring for your Dm if you're in another country. Bloody ridiculous! Just ignore them!

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 11/04/2018 10:36

It does sound as though she thought you were lying. Not ideal, but I dunno - do they do a lot for your mum? I've seen an aunt look after my grandparents for their last years and my god she had a lot on her plate. If you're not there you might not realise the sheer time they're spending on even the tiny, non major things, and it might be that some resentment is growing, and this is why she's behaving this way.

I know my aunt's role has made me aware of the fact that I live down the road from my mum whereas my siblings are hours away. At some point, the vast majority of care will fall on me.

SendintheArdwolves · 11/04/2018 10:38

Are you familiar with the phrase "bitch eating crackers"? Basically, you don't like your SIL (and I'm sure you have reasons) and therefore everything she does annoys you because...well, you just don't like her. She rubs you up the wrong way and therefore everything she does you read an annoying or sinister motivation into.

As in "Look at that bitch over there, eating crackers like she owns the world".

It doesn't make you a bad person (everyone has someone they feel like this about) and the best way to deal with it is to admit to yourself that you just don't like her very much, and not to try to "sort out" any behaviour you find annoying. Don't confront her about her checking your flights, don't engage in passive-aggressive competitions and don't tell yourself/others that she is so unreasonable because xyz. Just admit to yourself that she's your bitch eating crackers.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 10:42

@SoyDora Why do you think she’s doing it?

Don't know! I guess it started during the hospital situation as 'can she really not get here until X day?' and now she just took it as a hobby!

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 11/04/2018 10:43

SendintheArdwolves
That made me laugh! I've had a few people in my life that I just didn't like.
Just never had a name for it till now.
Bitch eating crackers! Love it!!Grin

FluffyWuffy100 · 11/04/2018 10:50

@PasDeDeux me too!!

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 11/04/2018 10:51

@SendintheArdwolves
Love that, really cheered me up!

OP posts:
newcupcake · 11/04/2018 10:51

I always check visitors flights even if I'm not transporting them to or from the airport mainly because I care about them and want to check all is going to Plan !

ConciseandNice · 11/04/2018 10:53

You sound paranoid and exhausting.

oblada · 11/04/2018 10:55

I check on 'existing flights' too, because I love Google flights and its very easy to check with various airports and I'm curious this way...

Swipe left for the next trending thread