My Australian MIL

[WS12]

So I just wondered AIBU to be peed off with my MIL, or am I just being precious...

I am from the UK, born and bred in northeast England. Met my DH there who is Australian and got married had kids, lived there together for 7 years. Then we moved to Aus in 2016.

I get so annoyed at the digs all the time from my Australian MIL (culture clash I think) about England (she always loved visiting us though and came regularly often twice a year!).

Yesterday she said she was concerned about my DHs health when we lived there as he was always ill with cold ... ummm 60 million people manage to live here just fine....

Tonight's digs are (she's staying with us for three nights). Out potato peeler is old fashioned and she will bring me a new one "I'm going to bring you a new peeler. This peeler is so old fashioned. This is from England" and I said it actually isn't it's from Woolworths...

Second dig. My son is receiving speech therapy to help his clairity and sounds. She asked if it was to help him learn to speak Australian. I could've punched her. She isn't saying it nastily, but it's like she just doesn't think of how offensive that actually is to me as a native English speaker.

My DH says she has no filter, like the rest of his family. She still also insists we have a ghost in our house.

👊👊👊👊 I feel like moving back to England just to piss her off.

@IamaBluebird
Just change the subject to the cricket.

LOL

Try being American. Everybody hates us.

Now that we have Tr*mp, I can't even defend my choice of birthplace, but just hang my head in shame.

Of the two digs you mention, the potato peeler sounds like nothing to be offended by and the one about speaking Australian sounds funny.

I think you have quite a thin skin and most Aussies I know don't mind giving and taking a bit of stick.

I've lived in a few countries, and every country thinks there's is the best.

Aussies have this weird attachment to "The Lucky Country" and they seem to rate everything else as less than to that. They have to keep on repeating it to themselves to make themselves believe it - like the Yanks do about the USA. CultAus v CultUSA. They also take many digs at POMs - it's very wearing.

It's very different to the UK culture. And also you are now a migrant - it's horrible when the prevailing culture isn't your own. I also imagine she is concerned that you and your family may move back to the UK at some point.

I would take her aside or for a coffee and ask her why she does that and ask her to stop and tell her why. That England will always be part of your family and its heritage, it's encouraged and would she accept that as reality.

I think you're right, she IS making digs about your being English and probably in the hopes of turning you against England so that you'll stay in Aus now. What you need to tell her, if it starts to really get on your nerves, is that her "put downs" of anything English actually has the OPPOSITE effect and makes you more defensive of your home country and more homesick. That should stop it!

But Aussies do like to take a rise out of Poms - I've lived there for 7.5 years now and the still do it to me occasionally! Not MIL - she never did - but occasionally friends and randoms who I've just met.

The thing about the rain is never an issue because I just laugh at their inability to do sport in the rain, as though they might melt or something (Might just be local to us - so much stops for rain, even just a shower - as I tell them, if we did that in the UK no one would ever get any exercise!)

If she's an otherwise lovely person, I wouldn't let it get to you - you've been told she has no filter, so she's not going to get any better. If she's digging at you all the time and making you uncomfortable though, then challenge her as above.

Oh yes - and mention the fact that Aussies got so wound up about the cricket ball tampering but were quite fine to allow a violent criminal to stay on playing in the NRL (Matt Lodge - look him up if you don't know the story), to say nothing of the various women-beaters that still play on. But only if you want to fight fire with fire.

I lived in Australia for 18 months I did hear a lot of snide comments towards the English but we would then laugh it off

I have heard this in other countries too (have a few friends from Sweden/Norway aka Utopia) thankfully we are often self deprecating but maybe that’s from knowing how great we are

The only place I haven’t received snide remarks and only positive is the US well apart from that the BBC is communist run media but they just know that the US is the best country in the world and assume everyone else knows that too

Note it’s a light hearted post

Ignore it. My US in laws are a bit like that, but they just say the first thing in their head. I don’t think they’re being malicious. I think it makes them feel better about living in a country where the children have to drill in school to prepare for a ‘shooter’ coming in and trying to massacre the kids ( not that I would ever tell them that of course, I have manners!). Also their president is a whack job. Just nod and smile and remember that every country has its great bits and rubbish bits. Maybe ask MIL why Australians are so surprisingly racist when everyone thinks they’re actually really easy going??

Oh OP! I feel for you asI have a French MIL.

She's always making digs about the UK and the most recent one was regarding literature. A family friend (on the French side) is quite a successful author and she was pontificating about French literature and it's rich history. She then said what a shame it was that the UK couldn't boast the same! I was quite taken aback and said that I'd only got a one word answer for her. 'What'? She asked. 'Shakespeare' I said.

She also said she thought it was bad that striking wasn't allowed in the UK. I corrected her and she said something like 'well we never hear of the Brits striking on the news'. DH said 'no Maman, that's because they generally don't set fire to tyres in the streets etc. when they strike'.

We live in Switzerland, which she also finds plenty of faults with too (biggest criticism is that the Swiss follow rules....).

It is wearing, I agree!

It all sounds a bit like the debates on here about whether you would choose to live in London/Elsewhere or the North /South of England.
I spose everyone thinks their choice is best.

Dullandold
The story goes that we were at war with Estonia and we were losing, then "Dannebrog" fell from the sky and we won.

DeltaG - I like your DH's response to his mother!

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Yes I did too! I think DH must be somewhat of a disappointment to his mother as he doesn't automatically assume that everything French is superior.

I've lived abroad in various countries for a while now and for the past 5 years worked for an international organisation with many other Europeans. I have found it interesting to see which nationalities were the most critical about the UK and my impression was the French (no real surprise there), all Scandinavians except the Danes (but especially the Norwegians) and the Portuguese, are those that stand out.

Those least critical have been the Italians and Dutch, with the Spanish, Germans and Greeks being mixed in their opinions. People from former colonies seem to have either an overly positive or overly negative position.

Obviously I'm speaking generally and only from personal experience, but that's what I've found. It's fascinating, if somewhat trying at times, especially if someone is convinced of something that's not true (example; Cheddar cheese is that square, plastic-like stuff from McDonald's. Me: "that isn't real cheddar"... them "yes it is, everyone knows British food is shit"....)

I remember in the 70s I think i was, when the smoke from our factory chimneys blew across teh North Sea and dropped as acid rain on Scandinavia, killing their forests and the fish in their rivers. Maybe the resentment lingers. We certainly did nothing specifically to reduce the impact.

That'll teach 'em

I dont think this is personal I think she worries you are going to move home and take her grandson and son away from her. She is trying to make you subconsciously not want to leave. Just give her a bit of reassurance and tell her that saying these things upsets ypu and makes you miss home.

I’m Australian and a lot of that sounds like taking the piss which is completely different to having a go. I find people from other countries just don’t get it. She wouldn’t take the piss if she wasn’t comfortable with you or like you.

Bluetoo1 - umm except for lots of research, phase out coal power stations etc. And even at the time everyone knew the worse pollution came from the East, USSR and Eastern Europe.

I think we Brits are comfortable with a bit of piss taking. It's just when it's the default and the only form of "humour"

As others have said, every country has annoying citizens that drone on about how everything in their country is the best. I'm Irish and I have heard my own people do it, Aussies do it, South Africans, Americans, and on and on and on. People like that are just annoying full stop. Every country has great stuff and not so great stuff. Try to ignore. Easier said than done, it aggravates the bejaysus out of me.

I don't think you are Dav. That might be the problem though, you think you're ok with it when you're not and you get offended.

To me it just sounds like she has a sense of humour?

I know everyone loves to hate their MIL but she doesn’t sound bad at all! Maybe you just need a thicker skin.

Bekabeech, phasing out coal fired power stations was not specifically to save Norwegian forests, and the prevailing winds are south westerlies from the Atlantic not south to north from eastern Europe.

greeneyedgoose are you taking the piss?!

Actually Australians are subject to the same immigration controls as all non-EU countries. There are very limited exceptions for ancestral visas (grandparents) and working holiday visas -

Kiwi here. The reason you see many Aussies here are probably they came to the UK for their OE using the same visa as a lot of my friends from varsity. Many have parents or grandparents from Europe. I remember a lot of them claim EU passports by descent. I had friends with French, Dutch and ofc UK citizenship because of ancestry. Irish is particularly generous because it’s one of your 4 grandparents. Some ofc do come here via a working holiday visa. I don’t think the reverse is true. Not many Brits can claim Australia citizenship by descent.

With Brexit the numbers will probably drop as they can’t come in with an Irish passport? But then those may end up else where in Europe. I know a few who have chosen Scandinavia for their OE.