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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Australian MIL

253 replies

WS12 · 10/04/2018 10:49

So I just wondered AIBU to be peed off with my MIL, or am I just being precious...

I am from the UK, born and bred in northeast England. Met my DH there who is Australian and got married had kids, lived there together for 7 years. Then we moved to Aus in 2016.

I get so annoyed at the digs all the time from my Australian MIL (culture clash I think) about England (she always loved visiting us though and came regularly often twice a year!).

Yesterday she said she was concerned about my DHs health when we lived there as he was always ill with cold Hmm... ummm 60 million people manage to live here just fine....

Tonight's digs are (she's staying with us for three nights). Out potato peeler is old fashioned and she will bring me a new one "I'm going to bring you a new peeler. This peeler is so old fashioned. This is from England" and I said it actually isn't it's from Woolworths...

Second dig. My son is receiving speech therapy to help his clairity and sounds. She asked if it was to help him learn to speak Australian. I could've punched her. She isn't saying it nastily, but it's like she just doesn't think of how offensive that actually is to me as a native English speaker.

My DH says she has no filter, like the rest of his family. She still also insists we have a ghost in our house.

👊👊👊👊 I feel like moving back to England just to piss her off.

OP posts:
LiquoriceTea · 13/04/2018 22:26

It is that inner belief that everyone is jealous of them and would love there if they could that amuses me tbh!!

I have relatives in the UK who are quite rural who similarly assume everyone could live there if they could. They don't go putting everything else down in quite the same way but it's a similar belief I guess!

GreenEyedGoose · 13/04/2018 22:37

Ok Liquorice if you say so Hmm

I think it's actually that Britain, having sent it's criminals to the otherside of the world as punishment, cant handle that Australia is actually a pretty decent place to live.

Having spent 10 years in the UK and both dc born here I will always have a soft spot for the UK but Australia is a great country so home I'm going Smile

LiquoriceTea · 13/04/2018 22:43

I haven't said Australia isn't a decent place to live. I think it's lovely and visit it a lot. I personally don't want to live there. As i said we are mixed and have family in both countries.

TryingToGetFired · 13/04/2018 22:47

Having spent 10 years in the UK and both dc born here I will always have a soft spot for the UK but Australia is a great country so home I'm going Good luck, there's somewhere for everyone! Both my sisters live in Sydney and they love it - it wasn't for us - the weird thing was the insistence by Aussies that it was the best place in the world by people who had never been anywhere!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/04/2018 22:56

Sunshinewater Fri 13-Apr-18 22:16:01
Right, because all British men are feminists that share the housework. Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Astonishingly, that is neither what I said, nor what I implied. There IS an "Aussie male stereotype", whether you like it or not. It doesn't mean that all Australian men fit it, and it doesn't mean that other nationalities are different. However, it exists. Even my Australian husband acknowledges it, and knows other men (some in his own family) who fit it perfectly. I have no doubt that there are British men who also fit it.

echt · 13/04/2018 23:03

You know what I couldn't stand.....Being a white person, whether my ancestors came with a ball and chain , or paid ten pounds, where the aborigines have been decimated and herded onto reservations

You're right about the decimation, population about one in ten less than at the entry of white people. With variations for different parts of the country, the vast majority of aboriginal Australians live in urban areas, so have not been put in reservations as you state.

The history of white settlement shows shameful conduct, and the present condition of life for many aboriginal Australians is still far from equal with that of the general population, but unless you are an aboriginal of your country, then your presence will also be the consequence of questionable behaviour. You might want to check your inability to bear inhabiting a place so scarred by the past.

GreenEyedGoose · 13/04/2018 23:27

Trying I met my Irish dh in Sydney but we both agreed Sydney wasn't for us!

Echt there is a stereotype Aussie male, my df is not one of them but I do think that's what attracted me to my Irish dh. And my bf before him was also Irish. Aussie men can be a little...whats the word I'm looking for... had a bit to drink ...

GreenEyedGoose · 13/04/2018 23:28

Oh sorry it was Thumb not Echt ok had a lot to drink Blush

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 13/04/2018 23:36

This made me smirk! Yeah, I kind of agree with you OP. But I loved England and London while travelling here too but I married a Brit and now have 2 young children living here and we are definitely going back to Australia to live. It has the most liveable city in the world for many years running - I’m not talking about a tourist destination, it’s about long term lifestyle for families. I won’t mention the weather

InsomniacAnonymous · 14/04/2018 00:33

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork I can't understand why on earth anyone would think that England has no trees! Where an earth does that idea come from? Confused

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 14/04/2018 00:56

Stereotypic Aussie Male.... sorry but I'm laughing hard at that! My BIL is beyond lovely and my dad is one of a kind - he's responsible for my love of the Beatles, the goons, spike Milligan in particular, Gilbert and Sullivan, etc, etc, etc., both my parents went to boarding school in oz and have definitely not turned out to be insufferable snobs, quite the opposite in fact.

twohandstwokids · 14/04/2018 02:54

My husband is English and I am australian and we live in Australia. I think your MIL is just being a MIL. I wouldnt put it down to her being Australian. My British mil is mostly awesome but can come up with some truely offensive remarks when she tries. As can my Scottish/australian Mum. I just bite my tongue. The Woolworths peelers are awesome.

twohandstwokids · 14/04/2018 02:56

Oh and my DS7 says "rum" for "room" with a British accent. And I love it! I dread the day it goes. He also says "Wada" for "water". V australian.

HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2018 13:36

I don’t know your MIL is being that goady tbh.

One of mine required speech therapy. Their family background was taken into account with letter sounds, that is speech therapy taught the sounds with Australian inflections where applicable. Apparently it’s the pronunciation of certain letters that give the recognisable accent. If the accent spoken at home is English, an Asian language, an Indian language etc then a more ‘universal’ pronounciation is employed. Socio-economic factors also play in, if parents have ‘bogan’ speech with certain aspects of pronunciation up the creek and that is what the child is consistently exposed to at home then those aspects are not laboured or corrected overly during therapy as there’s not much point. That’s the way it was explained to me anyway. So your MIL posed a very sensible question.

Also for those questioning ‘speaking Australian’, it is indeed a thing. My kids have grown up in a very multicultural metropolitan city, where they have been the only kids of Australian origin in their friendship groups, classes at school etc. Not only is their accent not particularly Australian, they can’t ‘speak it’. This was evident on a trip we took that involved considerable time in the outback and remote/small towns. Quite often the kids could not understand others (with strong Aussie accent and vernacular) and often could not make themselves understood properly. DH and I, being old Grin, have no issue with the old strong Aussie accent and vernacular so we could understand people and were able to ‘revert’ to the language of our youth with no problem and had to act as translators on many occasions. Don’t even get me started on the fact that the kids had no hope of understanding any indiginous accents and speech. One of my kids begged me to ‘teach them Australian’ so they could speak it. Try as I might it didn’t work, they couldn’t get the right inflections no matter how hard they tried (sounded absolutely ridiculous) and just didn’t get the ‘language’ in general let alone the humour.

HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2018 13:38

By English language being spoken at home, I meant with an English accent as opposed to Aust accent.

Creambun2 · 15/04/2018 14:02

Australians should look at their own problems rather than slagging off other countries - the level of casual racism in Australia is awful.

Sunshinewater · 15/04/2018 16:31

The British are every bit as racist dear, it’s just they do it in whispers ;) so not to tarnish their fake “ I’m sooo polite” halo.

GibbousMoon · 15/04/2018 17:50

"rum" for "room" with a British accent

That is a SE English accent I think. I've noticed it on Radio 4 recently. We certainly don't say rum in Scotland.

Original poster
WS12 · 16/04/2018 04:42

Ok so my thread has been hijacked😂!

I just want to assure the person above who said this is Australia bashing, that it isn't. I was asking how to cope with my Australian MIL making digs about England, mine and mt DHs life there, and my children's English heritage. It was never intended to be "which country is better"!

I have decided to take my MIL with a pinch of salt... but I will remember her digs. And when she's old and in a home, I won't be going to visit!

OP posts:
cueominousmusic · 16/04/2018 07:54

TryingToGetFired When we lived in Oz - we took a few amazing holidays in NZ much to the horror of our Aussie colleagues - who expressed shock that we would want to holiday anywhere but Australia - and they weren't joking!!!

I'm going to call you out on that comment.

If you had written "colleague" it might have been believable, but certainly not more than one person would say that. Just about everyone I know has had at least one trip overseas, even if just to Bali or Fiji (or New Zealand). The sort of insular attitude that you claim to have experienced hasn't existed since the 1950s - or probably even earlier.

On the other hand, you may just have been too naive to appreciate their rather ponderous humour.

insistence by Aussies that it was the best place in the world by people who had never been anywhere!

Again, I'm going to call you on that. I have lived in Australia for a lot more than two years and worked with a ton of people. I have been thinking about this (for at least a minute!) and can only think of one person I know who has actually said anything along those lines, and yes, she has not travelled out of the country.

GreenEyedGoose · 17/04/2018 15:13

Cream and the level of hidden racism in the UK is shocking. Although Brexit has highlighted well.

TryingToGetFired · 17/04/2018 16:14

cueominousmusic 🤣 believe what you like!

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 16:46

There is lots of racism but I don't see any racism being directed at Australians, don't think anyone has said anything against the Aboriginal population.

cueominousmusic · 18/04/2018 03:43

TryingTiGetFired: believe what you like!

Phew! That's a weight of my mind. I'm glad that you've given me permission.

Actually, it's based on my own experience. But, I suppose you've got to take into account that I'm not always nitpicking, and looking for some hidden meaning in people's comments.

So, if that is your genuine experience, I can only presume that you were here during the 1950s. Either that, or people got sick of something in your basic attitude and were pulling your leg.

Or were your workmates all Vicky Pollard or Lauren Cooper clones and didn't travel more than a kilometre from home?

RedDwarves · 18/04/2018 03:57

There is lots of racism but I don't see any racism being directed at Australians, don't think anyone has said anything against the Aboriginal population.

No one said people on the thread were being racist. They said it’s yet another thread bashing Australians, which it is. Bashing =/= racism.

And Australians consist of more than just the Indigenous peoples.