AIBU to message my STBXH’s mistress?

[JackyBT]

I know it’s a childish thing to do, but I dearly want to send a message to the woman my husband has just owned up to shagging to tell her how much hurt and pain this is causing. I want her to know that I have held onto my DC whilst they cried and were physically sick at the news my husband gave them. They are 18/17/12. We are going to lose our home, have to move to a less desirable area for his one night of passion. It his request btw that we end the 20 year marriage he doesn’t want seek help and advice. I know I won’t send a message, but I badly want her to know this.

I've been in a similar position and although I knew full well that my problem with with my ex it didn't lessen to rage and hatred I felt for the other women (who knew about me). I didn't message her in the end and the only reason was because I didn't want to lower myself to her level (even though I still want to call her up and tell her to go fuck herself sometimes.) I think maybe it helps that I have the power to if I really wanted but I CHOOSE not to? I know it's not logical but your feelings in a situation like this often aren't.

.if I was in the OP's shoes, I wouldn't give a flying F about giving the OW any right of reply!

I'm sure, and nor would you be obliged to, but what I'm saying is that given that's the case, it's unlikely to make her feel bad. It's more likely to make her think 'what a dick'. As a couple of previous OWs have said.

A later post from the o:

JackyBT Tue 10-Apr-18 09:06:58
He isn’t leaving me for her

So its pointless contacting her, or her OH, as I said originally, there's a lot more wrong with your marriage if a ONS ends it.

Get some dignity, hold your head up and sort your own life out going forward. Other people are irrelevant.

Completely agree with @flumpybear

Tell her husband as he has a right to know what he's married to. Then leave well alone. Ignore your stbx apart from asking him to leave ASAP. If you have the strength which I never would have! Then tell him you'd been really bored of him for sometime - particularly in the sack- but wouldn't have acted in it because you're decent. However you are now somewhat relieved to be free. See a solicitor first and get your petition in first.

Hope you get great legal advice, OP.

Tell her husband as he has a right to know what he's married to.

Or the husband already knows what he's married to and the OP will just end up playing the bitter ex part.

The OP should probably concentrate on herself and her kids.

Is she married? Text her husband then.

I would wait a year or so till you are on a more even keel and then write and say thank you for helping me to get rid of my wanker husband