it will massively inflate her ego that your DH gave up all that for one night with her.
No, it won't at all. Not that she's the 'good guy' here at all. No sympathy for her BUT I can promise you that she is not doing a victory dance at all. I'm wondering how she'll enjoy the reality of stepchildren (who aren't young, cute, and cuddly enough to work her magic on winning them over) and all the rest of the shit that will come with the package.
So this is when reality bites. He'll move in with her and she'll be rubbing his back and soothing him in dulcet tones as he cries for the loss of his family and the relationship with his children that he has crushed with his own hand. They're having great sex and that's the only buffer. But that will wane. He chose sex over everything of value (he'll delude himself into believing that it's love). But let's be blunt here: Men usually leave because another pussy is winking at them.
Sorry if others don't agree. But I've seen this film too many times. I've starred in it. My friends have starred in it. My friends have been the victims and some have been the OW.
His new relationship may go the distance and it may not. It will be stained by the damage he's caused. She'll get fed up of wiping his tears and being second best. But she'll stick it out. Their bond will partially be based on the fact that they destroyed the lives of others. And that's a bit of a shit stain. But you, OP will rise from the ashes.
As for it's you he is leaving - not them... try telling that to the kids. And why do people assume older kids have their shit together and can cope with such a seismic shift in their lives? It's much easier to divorce when the kids are younger, imo. Your kids have had that much longer living life as the family unit they know and they're about to lose all of that. It's changing and they will adapt, but at the moment, yes, it is a loss, a significant loss. Their familiarity has been swiped from them. Your DH is leaving them, in a way. He's chosen to live everyday life without them in it. There's a sense of rejection that is undeniable. It's not your job to tell your kids, "He's still your dad and he's a great guy and he loves you." It's his job to fucking prove this after woefully letting down his entire family.
For your own pride and sense of self worth, do not contact this woman ever. Only contact your now ex H via solicitor (and infrequently. He's not worth paying a solicitor per letter, so don't deluge him with your pain. He's not worth it! The solicitor's stationary holds more value at this point). You will have to learn to detach and it is a long process. Hug your children, scream at the rosebushes, take up kickboxing, take an axe to your ex H's pillow AND his entire side of your former marital bed. But when it comes to really dealing with him, get your Ice Maiden kit on. Cool, calm, collected... you don't give enough of a shit to even wish him ill (come across this way, even if you are pinning the voodoo doll on a nightly basis and summoning all the karmic spirits to do their worst on him- don't show him this side.). Get your pride on. And when you're struggling to find strength and the will to elevate yourself, find strength in your children. You are each other's rocks and you WILL come through this.
Your faith has to be that there is the other side of all of this: The brighter day.
