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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex when you’re poorly

104 replies

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/04/2018 21:43

If your partner was ill (not contagiously ill) but just pretty much flipped out in bed for 4 days and asked for sex, would you do it?

Would it make you feel a bit “rapey”?
Or would it be fine because they asked.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/04/2018 21:44

I'd be too pissed off for sex tbh.

If they are up to that they were up to getting out of bed to help with stuff..

BubblesAndSquarks · 09/04/2018 21:45

Unless TTC then no.

SaucyJane · 09/04/2018 21:45

Mine does this - not when he's been in bed, but if he's got a cold.

Like he wants to make absolutely sure I catch it Angry

SimonBridges · 09/04/2018 21:45

Who is the person asking for sex? The well person or the ill person?

Mumofkids · 09/04/2018 21:46

No because he's been so annoying but 'rapey'?!?!?

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/04/2018 21:46

The ill person

OP posts:
Llanali · 09/04/2018 21:46

YABU to use the word rapey. Even in ‘ ‘.

But in general, if I want sex and my partner is willing, I’ll have sex. That’s really all there is to it.

Dljlr · 09/04/2018 21:47

I can't make any sense of your question but the expression 'a bit "rapey"' is just vile.

Isadora2007 · 09/04/2018 21:47

Once in the early stages of our relationship, dh had a bad fever that ended up being a horrible flu type infection. We had very hot (like actual heat) sex in the middle of the night and the next day he was nearly delirious with a fever. He cannot recall the sex at all- but clearly he was “up” for it at the time. I dont feel exactly rape-y (that’s a little distasteful) but guilty- yeah.

Llanali · 09/04/2018 21:48

So yes, being Unwell doesn’t nevessarily preclude someone feeling turned on!

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/04/2018 21:48

“Rapey” is a quote from the person who said it. I don’t even think it’s a word.

OP posts:
starwishing · 09/04/2018 21:50

A former boyfriend and I always stood by the healing power of sex. It cures most minor ills like hangover, cold, end of flu etc. Of one of us was already in bed it was an opportunity. My DH and I have been ttc for a couple of years and even when ill I've agreed to sex because it's been the right time and we don't like passing up an opportunity. Even the day after having surgery we had sex!

Mumofkids · 09/04/2018 21:50

I think rapey is a vile expression and if my other half actually said that to me I'd be really grossed out. Is he having rapey thoughts. Vomit

starwishing · 09/04/2018 21:52

But also "rapey " is a horrific term. Take it from someone who has been a victim of this crime it's not something you drop into a sentence or even think about.

italiancortado · 09/04/2018 21:53

Presumably the unwell person asking for sex is a consenting adult who is capable of making that choice? I have had sex when I am not well. I don't t see what it's a question tbh

Fruitcorner123 · 09/04/2018 21:55

I wouldn't want to but it's allowed if you both want to.

MagneticMan · 09/04/2018 21:56

As long as you're sure the illness doesn't impact on their capacity then crack on with it if you're up for it.

Odd question to ask.

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/04/2018 21:57

Hmm. I guess neither of us are being unreasonable then. Thankyou for your thoughts!

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 09/04/2018 21:58

In bed for four days and wanting sex, id tell them to get up and do something useful.

BrutusMcDogface · 09/04/2018 22:01

Ugh, I wouldn't want to have sex if my dp was ill in bed. What kind of illness is it?

SimonBridges · 09/04/2018 22:02

Quite, Count.
Too ill to go to school then too ill to go out.

Original poster
NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/04/2018 22:02

CFS

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 09/04/2018 22:03

No i dont have sex if i am ill or if my fiance is ill.

MagneticMan · 09/04/2018 22:08

Oh hang on a minute, has your partner had a bath/shower in the 4 days of illness?

If not then no. Rancid polecat sex is not my kink.

starwishing · 09/04/2018 22:09

@MagneticMan 😆