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Original poster

I know I'm not being! Help me draft text to MIL

121 replies

Whatyoureckonwhatyoureckon · 09/04/2018 07:31

Dd isn't quite 2. She eats very well with us and with my parents.... three meals, fruit/ healthy snacks in between. Chocolate/biscuits as treats every few days normally....Definitely not adverse to her having treats.

BUT

when she sees MIL it's insane. A packet of Smarties for breakfast, iced gems as a snack then a lolly, jelly babies, packet of crisps, cake, sharing packet of buttons, and this is just what I witnessed in one morning.

DD has stopped eating her meals when she's there and just asks nana for chocolate and sweets after dinner instead. I want to stop this habit now; have tried being subtle saying we only give her chocolate as a treat etc but it's not worked. Have also tried saying a firm no to DD when she goes in the other room and asks nana but nana just gets her it anyway when I leave the room.

Can you help draft a text I can send MIL that isn't going to cause WW3 but puts the message across firmly but nicely? We love her and she's a great nana but this needs to stop!

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 10/04/2018 20:15

I suppose it depends how often you see her. If she's doing this daily, or even weekly, this isn't very good! But if it's just once in a blue moon then it will not cause too much harm, even so I would definitely have a word with her and tell her what your child can or can't eat. It's up to you, after all!

peanutbutterandbanana · 10/04/2018 20:15

My daughter is a dental student at a university where there is a dental hospital. 23 children per week have operations to pull out teeth, some as young as 5. They have to have a General because trying to yank 10 teeth from a little mouth is awful for the poor child. All of this down to too many sweets and bad dental hygiene.

Lots in the news on this last week. The majority of operations on 8-11 year olds are because of teeth rotting and needing to be pulled. It's a national scandal. Show your MIL the news stories. She is not being kind to your DD.

Goldmandra · 10/04/2018 20:16

If my DD even attempted to tell my DGS that he couldn't see me and Grandad, for ANY reason, then there would be real trouble.

If you were feeding her toddler that amount of junk one day a week, she would have every right and even a responsibility to tell you he couldn't see you, real trouble or not.

The parent's first responsibility it to ensure the welfare of the child, not to avoid conflict with the grandparents.

sockunicorn · 10/04/2018 20:17

@Whatyoureckonwhatyoureckon My MIL (who is amazing and we love) demanded on feeding my DD jarred baby food as "my friend works at the factory". So she would get crate-fulls of it. Despite me making all DDs food from scratch. She would bypass the homemade cottage pie and give her jarred spag bol. Confused. We tried being polite and it was ignored. She came round one afternoon a week (we didnt need childcare, she just wanted to see DD so would watch her while I got some cleaning and work done). She then began trying to give her chocolate buttons aged 8 months. In the end we had to tell her that DD's bit of (totally normal everyday) baby excema was caused by a suspected sugar/salt intolerance and the dr had asked us to keep a strict diary of what she eats. MIL was mortified and felt so bad she did it for around 2 years Blush

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 10/04/2018 20:24

If my DD even attempted to tell my DGS that he couldn't see me and Grandad, for ANY reason, then there would be real trouble.

For ANY reason? Including, say, feeding allergens to a child with an allergy, or hitting the child? Who the hell do you think you are? Grandparents are disposable: if the relationship works, great, if it doesn't, it's no great loss. Plenty of children see their grandparents rarely or never and are none the worse for it.

Budsbeginingspringinsite · 10/04/2018 20:38

sock my dd have breathing issues occasionally. Mils eyes gloss over when I try and explain it. The irony is the doctor said.. Put something to dry on radiators... To give moisture to the air.

Mil tries to use it as an attack... Oh it you drying on the your radiators.

I passed on what the qualified doctors said... Eyes glazed over.

Repeats sand thing so your lucky if she took it on board and listened. The nasty piece of work I have to deal with would totally ignore that.

sockunicorn · 10/04/2018 20:47

@Budsbeginingspringinsite Shock how can you ignore a drs warning?! my MIL was absolutley mortified at the prospect she was damaging DDs health. Flowers for you having to deal with that, i would lose it and ban contact Blush

Budsbeginingspringinsite · 10/04/2018 20:52

Joanne maybe your a Mil and maybe your reasonable? If you were told this you would immediately stop giving sweets.

Op has tried and tried to use words
.. No more sweets aside from getting shitty. Physically twisting mils arm and doing a citizens arrest.... Getting big signs out.

You say talk but how when one person isn't listening! If one person isn't reasonable and perhaps has a low threshold... What on earth can anyone do??

Budsbeginingspringinsite · 10/04/2018 20:53

Sock this is the bloody mindedness so many of us are up agaisnt!

soundsgreektome · 10/04/2018 20:58

Show her this image? This child is probably five years old. And all that decay is caused by sugar. Pretty scary!

Bel04 · 10/04/2018 21:00

Evening xxxxxxx, been a bit worried about xxxxxxxxx of late as I've noticed you giving her quite a lot of chocolate and sweeties 😬. I wouldn't bother saying anything if I wasn't worried about her health being affected. Hope you understand,
Love xxxxxxxx

I'd definitely send a brief txt about it. I recently saw a documentary and kids as young as 4 were having to have teeth removed because they're sugary diets had rotted their teeth. You also want her to eat in moderation and have healthy eating habits from a young age. Obesity is a massive issue right now and can lead to life threatening secondary problems like coronary artery disease etc. She might also have psychological issues like eating disorders or problems with her body image growing up if she gains weight at a young age.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 10/04/2018 21:02

I was shocked by how much crap my ex's parents fed my daughter. Haribo mini bags, chocolate miniatures, fruit shoots and chocolate spreads and cereals for breakfasts.

My family on a whole eat very healthily and I was constantly at loggerheads with them about it.

Now they are on a health kick and are putting me to shame! I hope they continue but they've gone a little bit too far the other way.

Handsupbabyhandsup · 10/04/2018 21:10

My in laws did this. Then one day my kids came in and demanded all the stuff they were being given. Was pretty clear that they loved going to Nanas for the stuff not for Nana. It calmed down a lot after that!

RosemaryHoight · 10/04/2018 22:36

My MIL does this too. Its only a few times a year now, and my dc are older so I don't stress about it. It's one of her ways of showing love, and she denies herself a lot of the food that I think she would love to eat.

My dh last time got annoyed at the third packet of crisps or some point and I felt really sorry for her.

My own mum doesn't do this and my dc like spending time with her and respect her just as much.

When my school were smaller I would try to balance what they had eaten at my in laws for a week or so.

Anyway if its weekly I'd just tell her you do not need to do this, they will love you regardless, I'm only saying this because I care about their health. I'd do it face to face alone.

gogglepod · 10/04/2018 23:56

I had this unfortunately with mil she wouldn’t stop feeding crap and fizzy pop and even did it secretly after we asked her not to. caused massive family argument and dd having to go for GA to have teeth out. We no longer speak as she wants things her way. No way, lesson learnt!

Fleshmechanic · 11/04/2018 05:14

Just stay in the same room as your child while you're there and every time she asks say no. If someone else hands her it, take it off her and put it back and say no. If they say anything then say you already told her no, sweets and chocolate are not for every day. Don't let her undermine you. She's your child, it's your choice, if it's not respected then why would you visit someone who doesn't respect you or your child's health.

Wilberforce2 · 11/04/2018 08:09

Massive fall out with my sil on Boxing Day because of this. Sil has a massive drawer in her kitchen filled with “treats” which she has made sure ds and dd know about. Up we go Boxing Day ready for lunch at 2pm but dd asks for a snack from the drawer and I say no (about 6 times), I then go to the bathroom come back and dd is eating a fucking twix! I took it off of her put it to one side and told her she could have it after lunch, sil told me I was ridiculously strict and gave it back (this is in front of about 15 family members). I got dd down from her chair, coat went on and we left, she has barely spoken to us since which is a bit of a result!!

dorkus · 11/04/2018 09:30

FFS that is ridiculous!! Don't text her just tell her that it's not on for anyone let alone a young child to be eating that amount of sugary crap. And you or your partner have to tell her not just follow your Dd round everywhere as suggested because she needs to know that's how it's to be when you're not there either.

Margaretwwl · 11/04/2018 20:12

My MIL did this until I reminded her that, although I didn't mind her treating my kids occasionally, unfortunately my son has several food allergies, & if he should take a reaction when I'm not there, she would be responsible. He was preschool age then, & used to say that he was fine with certain foods (especially chocolate), which he was allergic to.

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