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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mad at my mother and father for not coming to see us

113 replies

Vanessatiger · 09/04/2018 05:15

We live in a different country, about 20 hours away from them by flight. They are currently on holiday for a month and onr hour by flight from us. But chose not to come see us, nor invite us to join them certain part of the holiday. Just claiming it’ll be too stressful to hop over to see us as they’ll be doing so many sightseeings and meeting up with old friends and relatives.

I’m hurt as I have two children aged 3,5 and 1. The 3,5 loves her granny as we skype often and I’ve brought them to see the grandparents twice within the last 12 months.
My mother claims we go back to see them anyway so no need for them to stop over here.
We live in a beautiful and peaceful country often an exotic holiday destination for outsiders.

I told my mother what I thought, now she just ignored what I said and still held the line “ we are far too busy to come see you or havd you meet us up”.

Family eh?

OP posts:

Whenthereshope · 09/04/2018 18:15

Yeah they're selfish. My mum sometimes mentions going travelling / to live abroad and I openly call her selfish 😂 I say look you've had your time. Didn't see your Mum flouncing off when she was looking after us and i won't be doing it to my kids either, that's how it goes in this family so don't even think about it! - that's the way we are in our family, we just come out and say what we think. But have to say... I wouldn't move my Kids away from my Mum either unless opportunity was massive. I think a family is more important than anything else.

lattewith3shotsplease · 09/04/2018 18:22

OP,
You have my sympathy.

No idea how such selfish parents got such a great daughter, and Mother. {you sound lovely}

snowagain · 09/04/2018 18:24

Sorry OP. I did read the thread, but must have skip-read a few posts.

Apologies.

Yeah YANBU.

(Sorry again........)

ferrier · 09/04/2018 18:24

The Grandparents get to revel in the fact that they no longer have dependent children and can do whatever they like!!

Of course they can.
But if they choose to prioritise their holidays, even though they have 365 days of the year to choose from, then it's entirely reasonable for op to stop prioritising them when it comes to her holidays.
Sadly these parents/grandparents really don't care.

MintyChops · 09/04/2018 18:47

YANBU, your parents are selfish and I’m not surprised you are hurt.

emmyrose2000 · 10/04/2018 06:18

But they do see her at other times
Only because the OP goes to the effort of making it happen by travelling to the other side of the world, and with young children in tow!

emmyrose2000 · 10/04/2018 06:20

OP, you have every right to be upset. Your parents are very selfish.

Frankly, I wouldn't bother making the trek to see them again. It's clearly not appreciated. I'd spend my holiday time and resources on trips to places that will be enjoyable for your new little family instead.

ChocolateDoll · 11/04/2018 22:09

I’m not sure I get this at all.

The only reason this entire problem exists is because you decided to prioritise location over family when you moved half way across the world.

Surely you can see that bit?

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 11/04/2018 23:37

Reading really is hard.

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2018 23:51

The only reason this entire problem exists is because you decided to prioritise location over family when you moved half way across the world.

No. They prioritised work. But even if they moved because it was the perfect location on the planet to bring up their family, so what?

The OP's parents are coming within an hour's journey of where they live and has deliberately chosen not to be available to meet. What 'normal' loving parent would do that?

Not much love and affection for the OP there.

Mix56 · 12/04/2018 11:40

I'm sure your visiting is appreciated, they probably enjoy having you come with DC, however, as you have taken care of that, they have conveniently chosen to use their holiday for other things.
I think it is fair to say you have been treated shabbily as they have not even capitulated on a day in local capital when you are once again proposing to meet up with them
They will probably get the hump when you take your next holiday somewhere else. It may even provoke an offer to come to you next time, if they don't well that tells you all you need to know.
Its up to you how much you make this into a battle of wills.

ScipioAfricanus · 12/04/2018 12:13

I find the negative attitude to emigrees really odd. My mum emigrated 20 hours away from her family. She did prioritise going home but family who could afford it and manage it health wise also came to see us occasionally. No one ever suggested she’d done something to them by leaving. Maybe it was different as she emigrated to my dad’s own country. However, it seems to me that the normal attitude of families is to keep wanting to see your family and do what you can to enable it.

I did find it a bit wearisome as a teenager that my friends would think I’d had the most exotic holiday ever when a lot of it was sitting in the living rooms of various distant cousins. But I have a close relationship with that side of the family thanks to my mum.

I think your parents are being hurtful and unreasonable. They can obviously afford a lot of holidays so it isn’t ridiculous to ‘sacrifice’ three days to stay in the capital and see you and their GC. But I hate it when my parents act as if seeing their GC is a chore - if they don’t want to and just want to relax with friends I’d rather they didn’t bother in some ways.

You say your parents have given you a fair amount financially. Although I have a generally good relationship with mine they do tend to use money instead of time or effort as an expression of their love. I wonder if yours are similar? I used to get upset and proud but now I tend to just take the money because they aren’t going to give me the emotional or practical support either way.

Dieu · 12/04/2018 13:08

Och, that is rotten, OP. YANBU

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