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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do his ironing

79 replies

Dorigen · 07/04/2018 20:40

Will try to keep it brief, though long story. DP has buggered off for a week or so with his friends (we don't live together). I just had a message from his cleaning/ironing lady to say she won't be in this coming week as she has flu.

So as not to drip feed: we have been together 3 years, but he has yet to introduce me to his family and friends. He sets great store by looking ironed. WIBU to do his ironing in his absence?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/04/2018 20:42

Why can't he do it himself when he gets home? Are you annoyed he's gone away?

Juells · 07/04/2018 20:42

Speechless at the very idea!

KatharinaRosalie · 07/04/2018 20:43

Eh? Why is HIS cleaner messaging YOU?

Fairylea · 07/04/2018 20:43

Errr I wouldn’t do it. Ironing really isn’t that big a deal, I’m sure he can do it himself.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2018 20:44

The ironing isn’t a big issue.

Why haven’t you met his family in 3 years?

Awrite · 07/04/2018 20:46

It would shape how he sees you. Or it might anyway.

Why did she message you?

I wouldn't. He hasn't even asked. Give it no more headspace.

I'd put serious money on him not doing yours if the roles were reversed.

bobinks · 07/04/2018 20:46

why don't you just pass the message on to him? If he replies with 'oh shit' then offer to help if you want.

allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 20:46

Why haven't you met his family or friends? I'd be more interested in that never mind the ironing

Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 20:47

Ah. Ok. I thought this might be the general view. I am slightly of the mug-type, I think.

Cleaner is texting me because she is a woman and so am I (and she is one of the few people who knows about this relationship, because women talk to one another Confused).

GreatDuckCookery, he goes away a lot, and it always irks me slightly as I have three DC and can't just fuck off as I fancy. Though obviously I never say this to him, as it would be unproductive and my school-age DC are not his concern.

OP posts:
Frusso · 07/04/2018 20:47

we have been together 3 years, but he has yet to introduce me to his family and friends.
I'm sorry to deflect from your question, but if that statement doesn't say double life I'm not sure what does.

Um, no, I wouldn't do his ironing. Also why would his cleaning lady be messaging you?

yorkshireyummymummy · 07/04/2018 20:48

I don’t think his ironing is your problem here.
Do it, don’t do it but before you plug the iron in ask yourself WHY are you even contemplating ironing someone’s shirts when he doesn’t think enough of you to introduce you to his friends and family!!
You may have been with him for three years but he is not with you.
This is not a relationship and he is not your DP.
You are his secret or bit on the side.
No man who is in love with a woman does not introduce her to his friends and family for THREE YEARS,!!
Give yourself a slap woman.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2018 20:48

Is this going to be one of those drip drip drip threads?

Why haven’t you met his friends or family? Is this a secret relationship?

Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 20:49

Awrite. Um. PMSL at the idea that he might do mine in my absence. Maybe I need to hold on to this thought.

In response to those who have asked why I haven't met his friends/family, it is a good question to which I have never had a satisfactory answer.

OP posts:
Awrite · 07/04/2018 20:50

You have 3 kids. Definitely don't do his ironing then.

Yes, the fact that you considered this would indicate mug status.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2018 20:50

In response to those who have asked why I haven't met his friends/family, it is a good question to which I have never had a satisfactory answer.

And yet you are still together?

Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 20:51

Yorkshire. Ouch. Bear in mind that I love him. Very much. Stupid as it may seem. We see one another every day (when he's not fucking off with friends). And so on.

Purple, I am hoping/trying not to do the drip-drip crap. Can't promise, but I will do my best!

OP posts:
Nothisispatrick · 07/04/2018 20:51

Cleaner is texting me because she is a woman and so am I (and she is one of the few people who knows about this relationship, because women talk to one another confused).

Huh?

KatharinaRosalie · 07/04/2018 20:52

You don't live together. Unless he pays you for housekeeping service, his cleaner is none of your concern and you should tell the cleaner to contact him directly.

Fairylea · 07/04/2018 20:52

So 3 years, never met his friends and family.....? That is very odd.

Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 20:54

Ok. I did post in AIBU, so am braced. I know what I would say if it were one of my DDs (namely: do not do his ironing under any circumstances. and WTF is he playing at, not introducing you to his family and friends? In short: LTB).

OP posts:
RandomWordsStuckTogether · 07/04/2018 20:57

No no no.

I once did my DH’s ironing one evening when he’d supposedly gone to have a pint with his ex FIL. We were a few months into dating as I wanted him to see how amazing and kind and selfless I was.

Turns out the pint with the ex FIL was actually a full-on, good old-fashioned fahhhhmily get together for his ex’s birthday. He claims he didn’t know. I think I believe him. It was a weird time.

Anyway, 10 years later I still look back on that evening when I was ironing his shirts and he was with his ex’s family celebrating her birthday, and I feel icy cold rage that I was such a MUG. I don’t even remember him being remotely appreciative enough.

Fuck his ironing right up the bum hole.

(I may be projecting.)

LeighaJ · 07/04/2018 21:02

There is something seriously amiss when someone doesn't introduce their partner of 3 years to their friends and family. It is simply unacceptable. Harsh as it sounds, that's the kind of thing people do when they're cheating or ashamed of their partner for some reason.

BuntyII · 07/04/2018 21:02

It sounds like he might be married Confused

And no you have 3 DC, take them to the cinema or something rather than ironing this mans shirts.

Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 21:02

RandomWordsStuckTogether, thank you. This may be the kick up the arse which I need.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dorigen · 07/04/2018 21:05

Buntyll, he is very decidedly not married. Whatever his crimes are, that is not one of them (not saying more, as potentially outing). But you are right that I have more things to do than ironing his shirts.

LeighaJ - likewise. No cheating. Though he may be ashamed of me as I am still, technically, married, and he is old fashioned. I am also younger than he is, by some margin (I hope this isn't drip-feeding).

OP posts: