To have called 101 about this prick?

[VelvetSpoon]

Background- I don't get on with my neighbours. I've posted about this before. They've got 4 undisciplined kids in a tiny house. The kids (all under 10) do as they please, are constantly in the garden hanging over my fence or climbing on it. They also ride their bikes across my front garden, draw in chalk on my drive, blah blah. The parents are the my kid can do no wrong types but also leave them outside unsupervised all the time So don't see most of this.

Anyway the main issue is they are always chucking toys over and kicking their ball over. I used to throw it back. But it was constant. And they then took to climbing over themselves. So I stopped.

A couple of days ago the ball came over. Yesterday we were in the garden, (actually carrying some heavy stuff so no free hands) one of the kids yells 'give me my ball'. I don't respond to kids speaking like that so we ignored them. Later they're all out in the street with their mates (another group of even more annoying kids who live opposite) yelling we want out ball. We'll make you give it back and general name calling. All of which we ignored and didn't react to.

Today we're in the side alley putting up fence panels. The dad of kids over the road marches over onto my property, asking why we had a go at his kids yesterday. Assured him we said nothing. He says he'll let it go this time but we need to watch ourselves. I said excuse me is that a threat, who did he think he was? To which he went off alarming, f ing and blinding all over the shop, shouting at me I better watch myself, we'd see what happened to us for causing trouble. I said fine you're threatening me I'll call the police. He carried on a bit longer then went off telling us to watch ourselves, taking his 2 teenage boys he'd brought with him for back up.

After this I end up having round 2 with the guy next door (who is not aggressive just irritating) and while I'm having a relatively civil conversation with him, his shrew of a wife shouts out 'don't talk to her she's crazy she's got mental problems she's a loony

All this was in the street/ on my drive in front of my teen DC.

So I've called 101 on guy over the road. AIBU to have done so? And WIBU to also tell the police about the gobby cow next door?

@velvetspoon. You have my sympathies. It's hard to be an owner in a street full of renters or what have you. I am in Canada, so we don't have council housing in private estates. I also worked in DV, so I know that can be a triggering event, to be yelled at and threatened. Very difficult situation. I find neighbours endlessly irritating, but I think they find me irritating, too! Thankfully we have a winter that is about 11 months long so we mostly don't see each other. My next door neighbour won't even make eye contact! And the other one has a dog that lunges for my children's faces. It's a lottery, neighbours. Sadly. Moving to 30 acres is the only cure.

I actually don't understand all these MN AIBU threads on disputes with neighbours. I've never personally had a problem with a neighbour. Is it really that difficult to talk politely and find a compromise? It's not as if you have to be best friends with your neighbours, but you're forced to live near to them so it makes life easier if you can find a way to get on, surely?

Just finding a neighbour 'irritating' should be a complete non issue. The kids going into your garden isn't fair, though, that's where I do have sympathy.

I called 10l about a neighbour who was constantly banging on my door demanding I move my car a cars length in front of his just in case he needed his car jump starting. It’s a busy road and that’s just not a reasonable request most of the time. It culminated in him refusing to stop banging on my door one morning and when I finally opened it and told him I wasn’t having this conversation and that I was legally and reasonably parked and told him I was closing the door, he shoved it back open to try make me listen to him. Called 101and they told me to give a statement at the station. They took the pushing of the door the most seriously and sent someone round (a considerable time later) and gave him a harassment notice. I get the feeling if he hadn’t pushed the door they’d not have intervened. If someone threatens you id phone. And telling you to watch yourself and that you’d see what would happen if you dont etc, is a threat in my eyes. Up to my neighbour pushing the door, he’d just been an annoying nuisance but pushing the door crossed a line and tipped over into harassment. I’ve not heard a squeak out if him since. Good luck.

Next door and over the road are thick as thieves. I'm sure if you asked anyone else in the street they wouldn't even know who I was let alone have me down as a 'problem'. I keep myself to myself. I don't cause trouble nor do I give anyone else any. I could have gone next door or across the road repeatedly and said

Don't let your kids climb in my garden
Don't let your kids ride their bikes in my front garden
Don't let your kids come in my front garden and chalk all over the paving
Tell your kids not to call me and my sons names (ones they've used on me are fatty, witch, clown etc)
But I've ignored it all. I've not risen.

Threatening me isn't on.

Ditto shouting that I'm mental

(I have spoken to the woman next door once in 8 years. When she told me a tile had come off my roof and I said thanks. That's it)

He had no right to threaten you so not unreasonable to call the police, but I think you are unreasonable for not just chucking the ball back and completely ignoring them when they request it.

Kids kick balls and they go over fences since forever, it's what kids do. Yeah it's annoying but it's less annoying to make a deal out of it and throw it back. I remember reading an article once about a couple that murdered their neighbour over a ball because the neighbour had punctured it! Appreciate it's annoying but just save yourself the aggro, sounds like you've got enough with the neighbour opposite.

Tbh you sound like a jugdey snob anyway. Kids are kids, annoying is your perception and you sound abrasive.

Just a quick google and I've turned up the official police resource for England and Wales. I was certain that swearing at someone WAS an offence... seems it is

Q675: Can a person be arrested for just swearing in the street?

You could be arrested for swearing in the street. There are various offences which can be committed involving the use of threatening abusive words or behaviour. The effect on others and the intention of the person swearing would be some of the factors to consider when deciding whether or not an offence had been committed.

There is also an offence of using obscene and profane language in the street to the annoyance of residents. However, a person is only likely to be arrested for this offence if the behaviour occurs in the presence of a police officer.

No one should be shouting threats at you Op, but I do think you're being rather unreasonable not to return their ball straight away when it comes over to your garden when you are in your garden anyway.

t only takes a few seconds and should be no big deal, even if it comes over two or three times. It's better than having them climb over the fence to retrieve it themselves too.

I have four children under eight. We are professionals and owners, we have paid off our home. We aren't vagrants, alcoholics or abusers, lol. However, my children are LOUD. They yell and scream at each other. They kick balls over fences. They take rocks as "souvenirs" from the neighbours garden. You can hear them at bedtime outside the house. My neighbours hate me, I am sure.

You sound exactly like my neighbour. She reported some local kids to the council for chalking and playing with water. Also LOVES calling the cops if anyone calls her on it. Cops and council now sadly have her down as a troublemaker.

I actually don't understand all these MN AIBU threads on disputes with neighbours. I've never personally had a problem with a neighbour.

Lucky you Lizzie, but we don't all have the fortune to live with reasonable neighbours. I had one who threatened my DC, her actual words were 'I'm going to throw a fucking brick through you fucking window and make sure it hits your fucking kids'. No reason for this!

She also threw stuff at a window, not bricks, just broken up furniture and a barbecue, so I could not have DD1 back from her Dads on Mothers Day, had to tell DD2 (2 1/2) that the police would take the nasty lady away, so she would stop, and let her see them doing that so she would go to bed!!

You have no clue, so please save your comments for things you do know about!

I do have sympathy in some of the cases described, but surely some of the disputes can be dealt with in a civilised way? It's surely in everyone's interests to find a solution that works for both parties when you're stuck being next door to each other?

I've mostly not gone out of my way to have dealings with my neighbours though, I tend to keep myself to myself. Except with the neighbours who have children my DDs are friends with.

YANBU! I had neighbours just like this, and the police were amazing! It is anti-social behaviour, from the kids and the parents, and they have community teams to deal with this in my area. They are keen to prevent crime, which is exactly how it should be.

"I do think you're being rather unreasonable not to return their ball straight away when it comes over to your garden when you are in your garden anyway. "

How about kids just play carefully & keep their own toys in their own garden?

I said guy next door is irritating because he is, as I said in my OP he's in the 'my kids can do no wrong' camp. Which is not the way I raised my kids but each to his own. So he was speaking to me about the same thing as guy over the road. Politely, no shouting but equally when I said he needed to stop his kids coming in my garden he said that's what kids do. Irritating- yes.

I don't understand why parents wouldn't be apologetic about their children's balls or toys ending up in their neighbours' gardens. That's not rocket science. If you're polite and apologetic, you won't wind them up.

I'm at work all day. I'm busy when I get home. I don't use my back garden often. Having to go out and hunt for a ball (Which they dont just kick over, often one chucks it over deliberately to annoy another) is not top of my list.

Also I've raised 2 kids in this house. My boys played football non stop. Rarely did the ball go over because they were careful. When I did I went with them to our old neighbours, to make sure they ask politely. I didn't just let thrm shout 'give me my ball back NOW' over the fence!

I do have sympathy in some of the cases described, but surely some of the disputes can be dealt with in a civilised way? It's surely in everyone's interests to find a solution that works for both parties when you're stuck being next door to each other? Could you not just assume that by the time people have got to the point that their neighbours are threatening them, as the OP's have, that they are beyond that?

I'm sorry if that's happened, obviously, but it's surely better to deal with problems before they get to that point. In this case, the OP appears to have got issues with 3 different neighbours, surely the likelihood is that she's played a part in the problems she's facing? Not that the children's father isn't being totally unreasonable of course.

DEFINITION – LEGAL: HARASSMENT, ALARM OR DISTRESS
PUBLIC ORDER ACT 1986 SEC 4
“A person is guilty of an offence if he:
(a) uses towards another person threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or
(b) distributes or displays to another person any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting,
with intent to cause that person to believe that immediate unlawful violence will be used against him or another by any person, or to provoke the immediate use of unlawful violence by that person or another, or whereby that person is likely to believe that such violence will be used or it is likely that such violence will be provoked.
PUBLIC ORDER ACT 1986 SEC 4A
“A person is guilty of an offence if, with intent to cause a person harassment, alarm or distress, he:
(a) uses threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, or
(b) displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting,
thereby causing that or another person, harassment, alarm or distress.”
PUBLIC ORDER ACT 1986 SEC 5
“A person is guilty of an offence if he:
(a) uses threatening or abusive words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, or
(b) displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening or abusive, within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby.”

I have four children under eight. We are professionals and owners, we have paid off our home. We aren't vagrants, alcoholics or abusers, lol. However, my children are LOUD. They yell and scream at each other. They kick balls over fences. They take rocks as "souvenirs" from the neighbours garden. You can hear them at bedtime outside the house. My neighbours hate me, I am sure.

Winterdown what do you do when your children do those things? What expectations do they have when they've repeatedly kicked a ball into the neighbour's garden? Or taken rocks as 'souvenirs' from the neighbours' gardens?

Lizzie48 the issues with 3 neighbours. This isn't 3 households. It's my NDN (husband and wife) and the guy over the road who is their mate and whose kids play all the time with NDN kids. Both groups of kids behave in the same bratty way. Both sets of parents take the my kids can do as they please approach. So because I don't bend to their kids whims or indulge them, they don't like me.

Fair enough. I don't care if they don't like me. But what I don't want is to be harassed, verbally abused and threatened in my own home which is what the twat over the road did and why I reported him.

As I've said, I want a quiet life. I never engage with these kids. I don't engage with the parents because I never felt there was any point.

Pidlan if you read my posts you'll see I haven't mentioned anything these kids have done to the parents let alone the police. I only called 101 because of the threats. All the low level stuff the kids do (coming in my garden, drawing on my driveway, throwing stuff at my house etc) I've ignored, to be the better person. I've also ignored the parents chucking their rubbish in my garden and my bin. I'm not sure what more I could have done or been expected to put up with?!

I should say I'm not attached to either neighbour. The ones over the road are over the road. NDN are separated from me by 2 side alleys, so about 6-7ft.

I've lived in my house for 17 years. No issue with anyone in that time. Meanwhile in the 7 years he's been there guy over the road has had 2 street brawls that I know of. His teenagers drive bikes which are not road legal up and down the road regularly without helmets. They have had a number of loud parties and there are always groups of teens hanging outside the house shouting screaming and (underage) drinking. I don't think it's me who is the problem here.

I too have suffered revolting neighbours so you have my sympathy OP and in my experience it doesn't go away. If I were you I would move. Start planning today.

OP I really feel for you

I don't know what the legal position is, I'd be interested to know what 101 say.

The issue with moving is that people who behave this way aren't a rarity now. Can you get bin locks? Also any rubbish that gets thrown in your garden, can you let Env Health know?

The police have been in touch again and thanked me for contacting them. They said I was absolutely right to contact them when I did, as often people do so too early over petty stuff, or too late when an assault or criminal damage has happened.

They've advised me under no circs to speak to the neighbours and that as an offence has been committed further steps will be taken. I wouldn't be surprised if the tosser over the road has previous.

Anyway as the police agree I'm in the right (though I'm sure inevitably someone on here will tell me that's what they always say. Or that I must have misunderstood. Or that it's all my fault, blah blah whatever). I have had a lot of negative experiences of the police due to past DV and assaults which weren't taken seriously, plus poor experiences of friends, but on this occasion I can't fault them and it has made me feel a bit more positive about any future police contact I may have.

Just to add - the police suggested I put up a camera for security which I was planning anyway.
I've already moved the bin so it can't be accessed. But until I did I found next doors rubbish in it at least once a month.
I'm also thinking of putting an electric gate on my front garden/ driveway if it's not too hideously expensive, for further security.

Moving isn't really an option right now. Plus I'm mindful that mindless idiots like this exist anywhere. I could end up with someone just as bad in my next house!