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AIBU?

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Original poster

Living the dream... and not liking it :(

316 replies

hardtoplease · 07/04/2018 09:37

We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

OP posts:
StillMe1 · 09/04/2018 20:54

I used to live rurally but have been in a city for many years. It was always my dream to return but when I considered all the factors I thought I best not go to rural. I still want to leave the city but maybe not so far.
Your thread has been an insight which has helped me focus and stop dreaming and be more realistic.

Bouledeneige · 09/04/2018 20:56

Total Londoner - love weekends away in the country, long walks and beaches whatever the season. I hanker after living by the sea.

But. I'm a Londoner. I live in a villagey suburb, kids can walk to school and all their friends houses, to parties. I am never running a teen taxi service they walk or bus it. Shops open most of the time, can spend the whole weekend shopping, bumping into friends, coffee, out for a meal without ever getting in the car. Surrounded by large open spaces, parks, heath, woods. I know I could never leave London for good. Despite loving wide open spaces, just don't want to be driving all the time and cut off from my village life.

Sorry. Give it a chance. But not forever. Is your DH worried about what other people will think? Really, being happy is way more important.

Petrify · 09/04/2018 20:57

Case of the grass is greener! Do what makes you happy. Life is too short xx

RB68 · 09/04/2018 21:01

Lol - you lot are making me laugh alot. Please someone moan about the muddy verges at the sides of the road which isn't even wide enough for two cars, and they LET horses poo in the road, the fact that you get cut off after approx 1 hr of rain as the back roads flood as no one digs the ditches, and if it snows you need a 4x4, you can't even let dogs of the lead in the fields/marsh,and in winter, you have to learn to live without what you forget from the supermarket, still have to put up with living on a flightpath as there aren't enough people living in the area to complain about it, and we last saw a police car (never mind the police officer) in approx 1971...

Doubletrouble99 · 09/04/2018 21:08

I think you have moved to the wrong place. We live in a village, 7 miles to 24hr Tescos and Asda, M&S etc. Village shop, coffee shop, Gastro pub and loads of stuff to do + a train station with a 40min journey to the big city. Idyllic in my mind, birds tweeting, lambs bleating and little or no traffic noise.

Cath2907 · 09/04/2018 21:12

We did much the same. We moved to a town near the countryside- that was better!

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 09/04/2018 21:13

WTF do you live? We are both from rural backgrounds, lived in cities and moved back to the country. It is fucking great. But I do meet a lot of folk like you who don't actually know what living in the country is like, and are pretty crap at it.

krustykittens · 09/04/2018 21:20

I love the countryside but we have a country lifestyle. We live off the beaten track but a 10 minute drive from two small towns that have all the facilities we need, lots of good restaurants around and a train ride away from Edinburgh. We have ponies so spend a lot of our time riding and caring for them, as well as a few f hand reared sheep. Going for walks is no problem as we have right to roam in Scotland so the whole place is open to me when I want to go for a walk/ride. My home is modern so warm and cosy and yes, I have a wood burner. I don't care how dusty it gets, its wonderful in the winter. I don't have to put up with anti social neighbours but because we go out and about a lot with the ponies, we have a network of like minded-people and there is always something going on. Yes, it's a pain driving for a pint of milk and getting out to the theatre etc is a faff but the trade off is that we get to keep our animals at home, have miles of wonderful countryside to ride and walk in and we really enjoy the changing seasons. This winter has been brutal but frankly, if you just want a mini-city lifestyle in the country, you are going to be very, very disappointed if you live too rurally. Good weather isn't going to make a blind bit of difference. Also, you live in England in an area here there are no footpaths, you will only ever see the countryside from the road. A friend of mine lives in a beautiful part of Yorkshire but she finds it very frustrating as there are very few places where she can walk her dogs. A move to the country takes a lot of thought and research and even then, it doesn't suit everyone. Run back to the city, OP, if this is what makes you happy. Life is too short!

minipie · 09/04/2018 21:23

his reason for saying we have to stay is that we have made the decision “so now we have to live with it”.

This is insane. You rented. Presumably you rented for a reason - so you could come back if it didn't work out? So it was always a trial period not a permanent decision.

BBCK · 09/04/2018 21:29

I live in a very large 4 bed house on a modern estate (soulless according to some). It’s on the edge of a small but unappealing city with all amenities. However, there is a railway station on my estate that takes me into the capital city(not London) in 15 mins, or I can drive and be in John Lewis car park in 30 mins. My children go to an excellent state secondary( best in the area) and my house cost very little compared to London prices. I can be on one of the UKs major motorways in 5 mins on another motorway in15 mins. This morning my daughter and I walked to the top of a local mountain(it’s a hill but we call it a mountain) from our door. We walked through woodland, past fields of sheep, cows and horses and admired the view across three counties, 12 km later we were back home enjoying lunch from the local supermarket, a 5 minute walk from the house. It is possible to have the best of both worlds.

123coco · 09/04/2018 21:33

But it’s not only about her. She has a husband!

DialMforMordor · 09/04/2018 21:34

there's countryside and there's countryside, OP. We live in one of the UK's most rural/agricultural counties (cows, sheep, floods, views, potential to be cut off if it snows, etc) but we're only an hour's drive from Cardiff/Bristol/Worcester. Is there a particular reason why you chose the area you did? Other Escapes to the Country are available...

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 09/04/2018 21:36

My parents moved when my dad semi-retired. My mum took a few years to settle into the different environment. She was used to big, historic cities and smart towns. It was a big culture shock at first.

I think she would have happily moved back after 6 months but now she loves it.

1Strawberry · 09/04/2018 21:37

Very interesting thread.. I often wonder what a country life would really be like!

Shizzlestix · 09/04/2018 21:37

So your dh not wanting to look a fool is what’s stopping you? Bonkers.

My dh and I have explored this at length, the whole city to countryside thing. We’ve pretty much dismissed it, I can’t fancy travelling 3 miles for milk when we run out. Much as I love looking at fabulous houses in rural locations that we could afford if we sold this one, I think I’d rather be near good hospitals/shops/airports.

Namechanger1404 · 09/04/2018 21:38

Another city girl here, moved from London to what I call ruralConfusedits not really but it is to me. I love London and never want to live too far from it (which I’m not but I still wish I lived a bit closer)

Lovelyusername · 09/04/2018 21:41

It’s telling that you are the one stuck in the country and DH is at work in London, so he hasn’t really had to move / leave things behind in the same way.

I’d go back to London/ a nice town nearby and go back to work. Best to be independent and have your own money if your DH is a bit of a non (which he sounds like).

Lovelyusername · 09/04/2018 21:41

Nob !

derxa · 09/04/2018 22:28

as we have right to roam in Scotland I hate hate hate this. Please keep your dogs under control. We suffer dog worrying here. it's heartbreaking.

123coco · 09/04/2018 22:35

God what a selfish person you sound. fancy telling her that. Perhaps she’s a real bitch and his life is hell. My first night on here and all I can say is that you younger generation are all about me me me. Wonder how you can even be arsed to be inconvenienced to have children!

krustykittens · 09/04/2018 22:41

Derxa Did I say I let my dogs roam off the lead? Did you read the bit where I said we had sheep and ponies? I know how much of a nuisance anti-social dog owners are, please don't lump me in with them because I enjoy the right to roam.

derxa · 09/04/2018 22:49

krusty Chill out. I'm sure you're fine. We've got two fields full of 100 ewes and their lambs in fields at the edge of a town. People pay no notice and their dogs are off lead next to them.

lucydogz · 09/04/2018 22:49

After 20 years of rural living we moved into the centre of a city and I realised what I had been missing. Everytime we go back and visit I thank my lucky stars I don't live there any more. Rural life is boring and everybody knows your business. I'd get back to the city ASAP if I were you OP.

Doubletrouble99 · 09/04/2018 23:00

derxa - The right to roam is for people not dogs!!!

Devora13 · 09/04/2018 23:07

Petrify
I imagine the grass actually is greener.

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