Living the dream... and not liking it :(

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We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

We live in the country too, but we have a farm. We have to travel 10 miles to any shops or civilisation, 7 miles to a pub, and snow can be very bad! Our electricity sometimes goes off in bad weather, we have no mains water (private water supply), and no gas. My commute to work is 2 hrs there, 2hrs back on a bad day, quickest time I’ve done my commute is 1hr 20 mins during school holidays, and I start work at 8:30.

I get annoyed when the weather is bad and we sometimes get blocked in with snow, but in the summer you might have a totally different opinion. I love it! I’m not from a farming background but my husband is. I lived in a big town so this was very different for me, but I’ve adjusted, and in all honesty I wouldn’t live anywhere else now!

Give it a chance, see what it’s like during the summer months, and if you are still not happier by then, I would say yes look at moving back into the town/city. I understand how you feel about the travel and weather, the weather will get you down, it does me too, but the rest of the time makes up for it!

Compromise, by moving to a small town/ large village that has shops, pubs and a rail station.

Yeah I agree to try the summer. I did the same thing except it's a cross of countryside and near the sea so the weather is even crazier. The summer is a lot better though and I can't wait for it to come back around again. The other issues, maybe you could just rent a different house instead in a similar area? And maybe downsize if it's too big? Even go for a bungalow or something. I live in a 3 storey so know the hell of 2 flights of stairs lol, but you do get used to it.

I grew up in the countryside which was fantastic until I was about 12 and then it was bloody awful. I ran away to the big city at 17 and never looked back. Nearly 30 years later, I still love it.
I really like going to see my family and old friends and going for big country walks, sitting round open fires etc. But nothing would persuade me to move back.
Like other posters have said, you tried it and it didn't work out, now you know it's not for you. Good luck with your DH x

Not dissimilar to my life. But I adore it! Dead rodents in hard to reach places is a bummer but the rest is amazing. Would never swap back to city life. Fair enough if you don’t like it but I think YABVU to moan about your privileged life on MN!

I think it's where you're used to. I grew up in a small rural town in the countryside, but it's fairly well connected - you can be in London in an hour. I moved to Brum in my early twenties and felt utterly claustrophobic, I hated having no coast nearby, no big expanses of space without people around, hated the crowds, loathed the fact that pretty much everything cost money to do. And as I was near the centre it felt even more claustrophobic as it took ages through traffic to get out. It's what you grow up with.
We now live in a village on the end of that same small town, with woods at the back and twelve chickens, two dogs and a cat, it's exactly what keeps me sane, but then it's got supermarkets five mins drive away, pubs, restaurants and lots going on, so it's not like being in the back of beyond. Think that might be the OPs problem here.

I would hate to live in a city with its glaring lights and everyone walking round looking at their phone and lots of traffic. I can look out of any window at home and see green. Birdsong wakes me up, I can walk to a village stores which sells anything I may run out of, I don't always lock my door when I pop out, have neighbours who will help in any way, I feel safe to take a walk at night time anywhere by myself etc. etc. Now you know what you like and what you hate, find a happy medium.

I live in the arse-end of nowhere. It’s what Ocado was invented for!

I live in a rural area but we are on the edge of a big village/ small town. Couple of nice restaurants and pubs to walk to, a coop, Drs, local book clubs groups n stuff. I love that we have all this stuff on our doorstep but we live halfway up a hill with just one near neighbor. In the mornings I wander outside in my Jamas and drink a cuppa, watching the view, soaking up nature. Same in evenings when we walk up to the top of our garden and watch the sun set with a glass of wine. I love this more than my city life but I think if I’d been able to afford to live in a leafy part of Hampstead or Primrose Hill it would have been tolerable :)
You’ve gone to the extreme op. As others have said, wait until the summer. This winter has been wet, cold, snowy and gone on forever.

OP - sounds like you chose a badly designed and stupidly decorated moneypit in the middle of nowhere and didn't research anything properly. On top of that, you have been exceptionally unlucky with the weather this year. I'm not surprised on that basis that you want to move back to London at the moment! The moneypit you are currently in and a cramped place in London are not the only two choices open to you for the rest of your life. Try being a bit more realistic and practical with your choices next time.

That really harsh on her husband. He’s part of the equation too. It sounds like she didn’t research what kind of house or location she wanted. New to MN but noticed a lot harshness against husbands!!

Your problem might be with rental?

We live in a modern 3 bed house in a rural village. Village has Corner shop, library, park, school, 3 playgroups, 2 pubs, garage, doctors etc. Nearest supermarket is 15 minutes drive.

Could you and your husband look at new rental?

And freezers and breadmakers God how did our mothers/grandmothers ever cope. I’m decaades older probably than most people on here but really so much whinging about ‘ oh no coffee shops on my doorstep !!!

Oh God, I'm not envious in the slightest. What you have stated is exactly as I imagined, and as for all those saying wait till summer, oh yes! Indeed!!
Corn flies, Muck spreading, Corn flies, Townies venturing out, did I mention the corn flies!! OMFG!! They are absolute hell, the blasted little bastards get everywhere...and I really do mean EVERYWHERE! Seeing the little fuckers crawling about behind the glass in picture frames, taking a midday bath and noticing the damn things floating in the water, crawling on the white towels, trapped inside the shower enclosure....going to bed and seeing them on your pillows, duvet OMG sends me insane!! And I'm not really rural, just on the very outer edge of the city.

Horrific, truly Horrific!!

Rent a better house! Get milk delivered, do a regular online shop and have a huge pantry.

I LOVE living in the country, I grew up rurally and was desperate to escape it so ran away to the city as a teenager, then spent 12 years living in a local town. I've been back in the countryside as a SAHM for the past three years and I love it.

We plan to move even further away from civilization and have land one day!

YABU :D

Countryside is so nice in the summer and not so nice and muddy in the winter. Wait the six months, some of that will be warm and sunny. Then make your decision when you have seen both wet and muddy and nice and sunny.

OP I love London and I love the countryside but I wouldn't want to live in either! There is an in-between. I don't think you have said whether there is an option to try somewhere a bit less rural and less of a commute for your DH? Both of your options sound hideous to me! There is obviously a reason why you decided to give up city living - despite the crazy commute - so it seems like it is silly to give up and go right back where you started. You obviously mustn't have been happy in London either! Good luck op

A few years ago, when my third child was only 3 weeks old we moved 200 miles back to the Cornish farm where I grew up. We had plans to renovate an old barn there, but sadly by the time we actually got to move my parents had both died and the farm was let out to people who did not keep animals. I had worked up to the week before baby was born (2 weeks early).

It was great for the first weeks, picked eldest up from school and tea on the beach, walks etc. Then the weather changed, the snow came, wind and rain, storms, and we were cut off from electricity for three days. The calor gas heating would not run with electricity. Even though I had grown up there I had lost touch with local friends and found it hard to fit in. I missed work, my city friends, nearby shops and activities for the children. I felt totally cut off from life and soon realised why I had escaped in the first place. I was so lonely and miserable.

We stayed a year. We sold our barn which we had not got around to starting as we were waiting to sell our city house first before taking out a new mortgage. At the last minute we managed to sell our city house and were therefore able to move back to the same area to a bigger house. The children were able to join Cubs, Brownies, swimming lessons, there were things to do when the weather was bad. My OH’s family were close by and we all felt so much happier.

To some it might have seemed a rural ideal. Maybe the timing was wrong. OH was happy, but he had his work. But the happiness of us all was important. Too remote, too far away from what I had become used to. Few opportunities for the children as they grew up. They would end up doing as I did, moving at least 200 miles away for career prospects and coming home occasionally for a short holiday.

We made the right decision. Fine for holidays when the weather is good, but otherwise no thanks,

Incidentally, I say city but we actually live in between two lovely cities, easily reached by bus in either direction. Across the road is a park with a path leading down to the river. We seem to have the best of both worlds.

Try a village.

We are in one about 10/15 minutes drive from two lovely towns.

We have a shop/post office, pub, church and village hall. All walking distance. There's stuff nearby but turn right out of our house and it's 25 yards to the footpaths and fields.

Who needs activities in the city for kids.

My dd spent 2 hrs outside in the rain (yes, we do spend a lot on waterproofs) making a troll house out of stones and moss.

My little boy is always rooting around in the wood making dens.

There's tonnes to do here in the country!

If OP hates isolation & drafty house in the winter she's gonna loathe all the insect life in the house & slow tractors on the road in the summer.

C o m e B a c k T o T h e C i t y.....

We've just retired to rural Somerset. Big fat mistake - the worst is having to drive everywhere - we drive to walk. Huge house, huge garden - would take huge money to get it up to scratch. It is not trendy Frome/Bruton Somerset - this is real country Somerset. Fine if you play Bridge and have a zillion dogs and dont mind the Coop in the nearest village but pretty griz otherwise. It has everything my husband wanted, more tool sheds than we know what to do with - garden that goes on forever providing happy times for fleets of rabbits - West Somerset Railway steam trains puffing by at 25 miles per hour. Our current plan is do some cosmetic work and get it back on the market next year - we've only been here since September last year.

Having grown up in the country I still get a kick out of being able to walk to cinema/theatre/nice shops.

As a teen it's mind numbing. I have a few siblings and every one of us had at least one peer in our year die on the roads. Country lanes + familiarity + new young drivers is a lethal combination. My pre teen can walk or 5 min bus to Starbucks and Smiggle.

The estate agent showing us round when we moved from London said most of her buyers were the Londoners she had sold rural houses to 2 years previously moving into our small city...

I think if you suggested to my 12 year old dd that she make a troll house in the rain you would not get a pleasant response