Living the dream... and not liking it :(

[hardtoplease]

We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

your dh is being unreasonable but he's probably worried that you will change your mind again. he will be fine once you get back to the city.

He is BU! But I'm a city person through and through (love the countryside for the odd weekend). The commute and driving to get anywhere would be enough to put me off.

But what made you decide to move there in the first place? There must be more to it?

If you genuinely don't like it don't hesitate to leave the moment you're able to. It doesn't mean you're running away, it just means you've tried something new and worked out that it's not for you.

Try it over the summer, if you still hate it, then move. You've worked this out already, but you need to be more prepared with food, etc, so you don't run out of stuff.
I live in a small village, but it has a shop 5 minutes walk away, a pub and the nearest small town (which is great, cinema, train station, lots of shops & cafes) is 20 minute walk away.
I think you need countryside more like the kind I have - I have country walks on my doorstep, village atmosphere, but can get into big cities (Leeds,Manchester) in an hour. I don't think your location sounds right for you.

It doesn’t sound like the dream to me either, it sounds like my worst nightmare. If you don’t like it, move back, country living isn’t for everyone and there are no prizes for being martyrs on principle. You’ve tried it and it’s not for you, move on. Nothing on this earth would get me to love rurally and I’m very happy to give up space and land for city living

Why not leave your decision for month or so? I hated my first few weeks in the country, when it was cold and damp and dark and lonely and a long way from Sainsbury’s.

It’s a different matter when the sun is out and the lambs are in the fields and the hedgerows have blossom on and you can sit out in the evening and watch the bats. I love it!

YABU to move back.

I grew up in a rural area and never understand the countryside living the dream crap from people who grew up in cities. And there are various studies that show how you get more exercise in cities anyhow

You will find it hard to prise me out of city living - actual shops! shops that open! Wifi that has good speed! Phone signal!

The first year's often like this. There's a solution to most things, or someone local who knows. How is you network of friends and acquaintances in the area? They are your support system. Google is also your friend.

YABU to feel depressed stumped, but it will get easier. Six months is nothing in the scheme of things.

Sounds awful (but also fabulous at the same time!). I love the country, but never ever year round. Being able to walk to work is the dream for me. Build your life around LIVING it, not driving to and from it.

caws Village life and fresh air for DS (9 months so too young to have an opinion of his own yet). But it isn’t the life I thought for him either. People meet up and then get in their cars and go home. In the city we had a much better social life, we had something to do everyday if we wanted. Here it’s twice a week unless we drive 40 miles. People here are going into the city to entertain their older kids this week! Apart from the fresh air there is little benefit.

You might be too rural and countryside. I live in a village, it has 2 pubs, 2 shops and loads of country walks on my door step. And no mud. The village I live in isn’t very rural though, nearest town is 5 minute drive away, where we both work.

Try a village next, it is not so isolating.

Ha, I grew up in a rural area and recognise all your gripes. Never understood why people were so down on city living.

Personally although it seems a bit parochial, I favour a large town or small city for the best of both. In fact, although the suburbs are much looked down on, I totally get the phrase suburban bliss.

To be fair, you have tried it for the worst six months of the year. Give the next six months a go, and see what you think of it when walks etc are entirely more pleasurable.

We live on a farm in a village - best of all worlds. Not too far at all from a city and several big towns.

Best of all worlds.

I'd give it a whirl in better weather and see how it goes.

Although I'm a city girl through and through and couldn't imagine (and don't hanker after) anything else.

I’d echo not making a permanent decision now, life in the country is much more affected by the weather and it’s been a long wet winter.

Also, there’s lots of options in between city and having to drive miles to the nearest shop. We live in a small market town and can walk to shops or open countryside. I didn’t want to live somewhere we had to drive everywhere.

Freestanding baths went out for a reason, stupid idea. Your landlord is lucky to have a tenant that will do the extra work they generate.

Tell him about the cracked tiles though.

Sounds horrendous. But why did you go to the extreme? You could have gone middle ground and moved out a bit, to much more greenery, but then got tube/train into central London. Best of both worlds?

I think as you have an escape and you hate it, leave. Why put up with something you dont have to. I left a job after 3 months on the same principle, you dont owe anybody anything to stay there.

However, if you do decide to stay, or just try to make the best of it for the next six months, thats your call. I'd say country living needs a different approach to city life.

Your bath, I assume this nice standalone bath means every splash lands on the floor as opposed to up the wall (then down in the bath again) and overfilling means a tsunami. Put towels down before you start, put a mop bucket in the bathroom for the sole purpose of bathnamis. Still clean up I appreciate but hardly unexpected.

Umderfloor heating, water pressure and dying animals sound like house issues not country issues. I guess you need special tiles for underfloor heating (don't quote me). Water pressure, big house but maybe there is something wrong/improvements to be made. Dying animals, could happen anywhere really.

Running out of stuff, plan, freeze, bulk buy. Its a big house store stuff. Have loaves in the freezer l, keep some uht milk in hiding in case.

Country walks, may be the area, maybe youre expecting an entrance gate, directions and sign posts. Have a look on maps for rights of way etc and plan your own little walk.

Rural dweller and city also. Rural living is good for long weekends, but on a permanent basis it is not so good for emotional well-being. It can be very lonely in the countryside.

What was it about the countryside that you wanted (apart from a free standing bath).
If you wanted the walks then get out and walk. Country pubs? Then go and have dinner in one tonight. A lot of what you said seems focussed on the house - that’s changeable.

Then make your decision. But it’s unfair of you to push your DH if he’s happy. If you both agree then toddle off back to the city. if not then you need to give it a proper go, and that means deciding after summer.

Doesn’t sound like the location is right.

I live rurally in a small village, with a close community and a couple of thriving local pubs within walking distance.
My house is surrounded by footpaths, so I can walk straight from my garden through open fields with the dogs.

Perhaps you also need to alter your attitude to ‘mess’ open fires are dusty, but it’s not the end of the world, they’re warm and add a lovely feel when crackling away.

Mud is also part of country life in the winter! Just think of ways to limit the impact.
So dogs hosed off and dried in utility, muddy boots taken off at the door etc.

Summer will be different. Give it time. Or maybe look for a new location that works better for you.
If you still hate it, move back, it’s not for you.

YANBU. I know a few people with a DH mad keen to move/stay in the country despite the commute and my theory is that this is because THEY GET TO ESCAPE BACK TO THE CITY EVERY DAY! While their DW is stuck in the sticks 24/7, so for the man it is like just doing it on weekends. I moved from London to a country market town before having DS and found it soul destroying, though I did make a few very good friends. DS and I moved back to London 3 years later... I do also have friends who made the move successfully and seem very happy, though they weren't from the city originally which I think is a big factor.

I would hate that too OP.

I'm a city girl at heart and always will be.

I live at the edge of a town, with a hill (a "proper" one) literally a 2 min walk away. I can walk to supermarkets, swimming pool, library, sports activities, etc.

Sounds to me like you need to find middle-ground - I couldn't cope with really rural/remote life either but there are other options than going straight back to the city!