Living the dream... and not liking it :(

[hardtoplease]

We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

You went Full Country. That's your problem. We moved from London to a medium-sized seaside town, we live in town but can be in the fields with lambs within 5 mins.

Your DH is indeed a whackaloon. That is an excellent word. Move back to your city place, it sounds perfect (we live in the country, recognise a lot of the problems although our house is practical not an old chocolate box impractical one).

I'd like to live in a nice bigger town or small city. The kids are settled here though and 3 school age kids in a 3 bed flat would be a nightmare - that's what we'd get at a stretch in the town about 15 miles away which I'd like to live in, and even that would cost double what we pay for a 4 bed house in a hamlet without a shop. I must say the outdoor space here is great, and the fact the kids can play out - but in our nearest big town kids have that to quite an extent too, plus the lovely town centre and facilities for now teen eldest. I'd like to move if we could afford a house there rather than a flat!

We moved from the inner city to an old, beautiful house that you had to drive to. 5 mile round trip if you needed milk/ an onion. Fucking cold.

We moved to the small town nearby, in a more sensible house. The countryside is still on the doorstep, but we can walk to the shops/supermarket and there is stuff going on.

Is there that sort of option near you?

I miss the city but when I go back the noise, people and grime is too much and I breathe a sigh of relief when I get back home!

Have you looked at the homeless statistics recently?

Now stop being so selfish OP and go live on the streets.

I’ve endured 5 years of the countryside and have hated near enough every day of it. It was the only way I could afford to do my postgraduate studies.

It’s finally coming to an end this year and I’ll be getting back to the city. I have a calendar counting down the days.

Don’t endure it any longer than you have to OP.

fia My carbon footprint has gone up tenfold! I didn’t even have a car in the city. DH had one but only for “fun” and weekend getaways. Now we have two and we both drive everyday as public transport is limited to a few buses that take over an hour for a fifteen minute drive because they literally go around the houses. That’s hard with a LO, and the bus stop is on a main road with no pavement. DH did it once before I bought my car and I was using his and he was scared standing there (50 speed limit) so I’ve never dared try it with the buggy.

Our city is London too. To be honest I don't see it as an either/or situation. Nice (some might think beautiful) towns with great commuter links do exist, ok they aren't cheap as chips but honestly, DH and I found they weren't as expensive as you might think. We were looking north of London due to family commitments and ended up in one of the places we thought we couldn't afford. Absolutely love it here.

And that road... I’ve seen more accidents here than I ever saw in the city. The traffic doesn’t move fast enough in the city!

Honestly I think since you hate it so much you should definitely move back. Just saying that there is a way to do it so that you don't go out of your mind with isolation and cold!

Honestly OP, some people suit the country life and others just don’t.

It sounds like you just don’t really suit it, so move back. It’s not a big deal or failure. At least you tried.

We have a big house, log burners, Aga, free standing roll top bath (which never gets water underneath), a huge garden with chickens. Woods across from the house that get very muddy in winter etc. But I love it, we love it. We are closer to civilisation than you seem to be though. I couldn’t live in a city though so it’s horses for courses.

Just move back.

City girl transplant to country here.

I echo what pp's said- wait & see how you feel through the spring/summer - it's a totally different experience then. You can enjoy your garden in total privacy, sit on your patio for breakfast etc.

I'm rural but very close to a reasonable sized town- good convenience store, GP, Dentist, Library etc. that helps.

To really enjoy the countryside, I think you need to feel 'part' of a rural community. Good friends & good neighbours are important. With no kids in school that's hard to achieve, but is there any way to meet & make friends? Sports, hobbies that locals are enthusiastic about?

As regards the house issues, you do need to be a little more self sufficient out here. That comes with time. Locals might recommend good local tradesmen.

I agree with Jamon, you went Full Country!

There are half way houses (crap pun alert!) - nicely built houses in towns for a start or the 'burbs. It doesn't have to be city living or hamlet living.

Wait out the next months but in the meantime research some other areas before you throw the towel in altogether.

I grew up in a farm, my folks still live near there. I always think it’s funny when people talk about going for walks in the countryside, like it’s something country folk do. My dad’s never been for a walk locally in his life! The only people walking the country lanes around them are all the townies who’ve moved there - and who then complain bitterly about the mud created by tractors / noise from cattle etc :-) spoiling their rural idyll ;-)

Your husband is a loon, OP. If you have a child, then that's an irreversible decision (you can't stuff it up your vagina again ).

But moving? And you were cautious enough to just rent and see if you liked it? Of course you can change your mind.

If he refuses to move back, leave him in the country. I bet he'll follow you to your nice flat soon enough.

Is there no compromise? Like moving to a rural village with good transport links and amenities. Country living doesn't have to mean isolation and big draughty houses. I agree about sticking with it for the summer though, at least you'd see the benefits of the location too.

It's not being in the countryside that's problem, you've just chosen to live in the wrong spot for your family. Moving in spring is the ideal time for a new place as autumn/winter always feels bleak.

There is a lot of middle ground between 40miles to the nearest play activity and living in central London.

Try a large village with good connections to a city.

Also you're in a rented place, which is of course going to be less than perfect. If it's your own home you can have it exactly how you want it.

I think even people who enjoy "that dream" place would have struggled to do so in the past few months.theyve been awful for most.and the weather will have pissed on any love you might make for your property and area.
some peope are city people.but if you wanted this life in the past id try giving it a bit longer.you need to see the good side almost before deciding on whether the not do good side is worth getting through.
because was there bits in the city you hated?
it might not happen.you might be bred for city life.its not a fail.
but you do need to discuss with dh.does he want tto stay?if so could you agree a time.or some things you need to do,new bath,go out for meals,find a pub etc.is there anything you can see that would mean this life is worth it.
do stores deliver to your area?would you like to grow your own.
is there a fix for the bath tiling you could put down?
would a wood burner help.has the heating been looked at recently would a plumber recommend a better suited system.old houses just cant cope with the previous ones.and it might be a simple case of switching boilers.our pressure was shocking.and you couldn't turn taps on anywhere else in the house.and it literally took a new gage and system to fix it.
I no I'm stating the idyll obvious but I'm just trying to see if there is something that would make you happy here.

" I always think it’s funny when people talk about going for walks in the countryside, like it’s something country folk do. "

I grew up semi rural. People do go for walks where I live. However, on average they walk far less than city people. It's not always possible to walk to get places if you have to walk on a main road with no pavement or not enough lights and people are car mad. Most Christmas mornings I have breakfast in the next village - it's less than a mile away, but people insist on driving me back. Walking home is considered really eccentric (takes 15 minutes!).

If you moved out from London, no wonder you've had such a huge culture shock! There are many places within a 45-60 minute train journey from London that would offer a better way of life for you as a family. How long is the commute for DH at the moment? It's probably costing a lot in train fares and accommodation costs which could be saved by returning to London or moving closer.

I think you should try it over summer. I lived in a house a little bit like that, spring, summer and autumn were lovely, glorious in fact. but winters were HARD. This was also the hardest winter in 7 years.
Get organised with the shops. It’s easy when you get into the habit of picking stuff up when your out, we also saved a lot of money. But it is a different mentality to what your used to.

It might not be for you, but you’ve done the hard bit, it would be a shame to go now without enjoying the good bit.

Gwen people who live fifteen minutes walk from the school still drive there! I was shocked, the school lane is like the M25 on a bad day. I think people are so used to using their cars they use them for everything.

bluesmarties About 2 and a half hours! If it wasn’t for his stubborn pride he would admit that HE didn’t like the commute and that would be enough reason to go back. He is tired all the time.

Unless he's a completely unreasonable control freak your DH isn't going to stick to his Oh but we've made our bed... waffle, if for no other reason than you don't actually own the house your bed is in! As the end of the rental period approaches it will focus his mind I'd imagine and he'll realise this is the opportunity to get out. He's hardly so stubborn that he'll take active steps when it comes to it to commit you all there for another year, is he? Even if he is that stupid stubborn it doesn't mean you have to go along with it.

I know people are saying you might change your mind in the summer but it sounds unlikely to me. After all, no matter how lovely the warmer months, you'll know what's coming from autumn .

Why don't you start researching a move now? Posters are right that you went full country, take a look at where else you could live. You don't have to row with DH about it, just show him what else is available. Show him weekly so that he gradually absorbs the message that you are not staying there!

"we both drive everyday as public transport is limited to a few buses that take over an hour for a fifteen minute drive because they literally go around the houses."

Well, yes, but you knew this was what public transport is like in the countryside before you moved there, didn't you.

I dont understand people who prefer the city over the countryside and would happily swap with the op in a heartbeat, and with the exception of having to drive to the shops everything uve mentioned has happened to us living in the city. The bath, water, heating (underfloor heating is very expensive btw) and mud everywhere in the house is more a house problem than a countryside problem. We've had mud/dirt trapsed in the house all winter because the way our house is laid out there is no boot room. You can't go to the country and do thing the same way unless ur prepared to live with it, it is a completely different way of living. BUT, You are not happy and if the only reason your dh wants to say is because u cant change ur mind, then I'd be telling him I want to move back.

P.s we also got snowed in (the march 1st/2nd snow) as the main road was impassable cutting of about 10 side streets and 100s of houses. The car was also iced up pretty bad and we had our dishwasher, washing machine and boiler play up due to frozen pipes
x

I lived in the city and now in a village

The pace is definitely slower!

People keep themselves to themselves - probably to avoid village gossip!

Not much for the kids to do, but there are buses into town

It's safer here for them, but the lax attitude to safety makes them more vulnerable - hard to describe but they aren't a son streetwise as they should be IYSWIM

I loved the city - being busy - lots of friends -

Peopel definatleybdont 'pop' by anymore for a cuppa and a chat - and I really miss that more than anything

We have to stay here for another 6 months, can’t get out of the lease, but I at least am treating it as a summer holiday place! We have decided to go into London today because there is stuff we want to do and it’s easier to do it there. I would live a sort of half and half life except we need playgroups etc and, when they are open again and the roads driveable, we need to get to know more people.