Living the dream... and not liking it :(

[hardtoplease]

We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

I moved from a small UK city to rural Australia...well, semi rural. Sometimes I find myself chasing off a possum or herding fucking chickens out of my laundry room and think "How did I get here?"

I wouldn't move back to the UK though. We also have to drive for milk etc...but I love it.

London schools are generally better than country schools - I beg to differ. I am governor at a rural primary (66 pupils) and it is a little gem. A big family of happy relaxed children, all greeted by name by the head every morning, a broad curriculum - they watch lambs being born learn the engineering/maths involved in making dens in the wood etc. - and go on coach trips to the city to take part in science days/ singing days and much more.

Pupils have gone on to become surgeons/ lawyers/craftspeople/bankers - the whole range of careers.

Big is not always beautiful. What they gain is a sense of community, feeling individually understood and cared for, making friends across a wide age range, helping those younger than you, how we relate to the natural world - and so on and so on.......

Don't knock it - I wish I had had the same opportunities as a child.

You've made your so you must lay on it.....
Which parent told your husband that ?
Ask him . I was brought up the same. Then I heard a better saying 'at least you tried , because many don't'.
So at least you tried so now do something that's makes you happy.
I know people who emigrated 'twice' and come back.
But at least they tried lol instead of just talking about it.

Richer for the experience.
Good luck in your new Home x

gwen Sort of, but one bus company stopped the month before we moved. That was a mini bus thing thst only went once a day to the nearest town and back four hours later but would have been perfect for us. Not cost effective for them though.

I have found a LOT of what is on the internet, even now, months later, doesn’t exist. You have to be in a place to truly know.

I'm going to show this thread to my DH, as he's always dreamed of one day living in the countryside (in the middle of nowhere too!).

We live in beautiful city just 20 minutes drive from gorgeous countryside and villages full of gastro pubs and I just don't see the point in moving.

I keep telling him that I'll be a bonkers alcoholic within 6 months!

Most of what you're complaining about is your house! It's not the countryside's fault. We live rurally but my social life is better than it was when we lived in the burbs. It depends if you live within a community or not, if you like the people in that community and are involved in stuff locally. If you're not, I can't imagine it would be much fun either, unless you're a hermit.

Altogether now, please, and to the tune of the Pastoral Symphony:

The country, the country, the country gets you down
There's nothing like the country to make you want the town.

greentulips it is definitely easier to make friends in London. As you say, people keep themselves to themselves and after doing sift play or whatever get in their cars and drive away! There’s nowhere to go, that’s why!

In the city, after playgroup, a group of us would go for lunch or coffee and plan the next outing. I’ve met people here at baby groups whom I’ve never seen again because they come from miles away and don’t think it’s worth the drive.

It sounds like you have gone from full-on townie straight to full-on out in the sticks, which would be a big upheaval for anyone.

The good news is, there’s a compromise.

We live in a lovely ‘chocolate box’ village in Leicestershire. It feels like we live in the countryside, with lovely views, wildlife, green fields etc. Our village has a shop, several cafes and two pubs. The next village, a mile down the road, is larger and has a small supermarket, bank, bakery, deli, restaurants etc. We can drive to Leicester or Loughborough in 20 minutes.

At the risk of sounding insufferably smug, we think we have the best of both worlds.

Jadoo Not a hermit and the people I’ve met are lovely, there’s just not a lot to do without booking a long time in advance, and people are reluctant to do that given the weather.

I know people who emigrated 'twice' and come back. This is true Op you should point that out to your DH, at least you two didn't spend a fortune only to discover the grass wasn't actually greener!

If you feel he sees moving as an admission of failure then work on reframing this as "something we tried out" rather than "huuuuge mistake". Then a move to somewhere more suitable doesn't so much seem rectifying a mistake as looking for something better suited to your needs.

In your shoes I think I'd just behave as though the decision is already made rather than locking horns over it. Casually saying things like "when our lease period ends" and "Ooh, this looks like a great house (while shoving the details under his nose) and it'd cut your commute to an hour".

That's a long commute! Start looking for other places to move to and have a long list of reasons ready to tell DH why they will be better for you. Are your family and friends mostly in London?

I'd say stick it out for another six months (you've since said that you have to do so on the lease), and review again after summer. The countryside is always worse in winter - it's colder, it's lonely, it's wet.

But if I were you, I'd go back to the city after that for a few years. Your child isn't old enough yet to appreciate the freedom of growing up in the countryside, and you need a support network during the early years rather than isolation.

bluesmarties Brother and family moving back to London or surroundings after working overseas. They are looking for jobs now so could happen anytime. They’ll be at most an hour away, doubt they will be right on the middle like we were/will be because of the housing cost, but do the cultural thing so will br in town all the time.

Went to uni in London and lived there ever since so all my friends are there though have lost touch with some since having my baby. New friends, playgroup ones etc, are all still there.

YANBU - move back asap.

When I retired I moved from London to a town approx 50 miles away. I love my current home, I especially love my garden but fifteen years on there is still so much lacking in this town that I miss I would move back in a flash except now I can't afford London prices so am waiting to win the lottery (I must remember to buy the tickets)

silvery This is what scares me also. We lived in a trendy part of London, prices shot up and, although slowed, are still well above average. We could never afford to move back if we sold. Ideally I’d like to move to another part of London (where my friends live) but it’s pricier than where we are. We could afford that if I was back working though.

Slight tangent but we actually bought our first home largely because of the freestanding bath. What a pair of idiots. Spent a lot of time wiping damp hair/dust tumbleweed from underneath it.

hardtoplease are you planning to go back to work? Because that's a practicality that he needs to consider too. Can both of you really do a 2.5 hour commute given you have a young child? Would you want to? If not then presumably you would be the one limited in your options ie having to find something closer to home and presumably far fewer jobs available.

Coco I want to go back to work and it would be easier in the city. I couldn’t do that commute, we’d have to give the baby away lol!

Posted too soon. But it’s possible for me to work here, just inconvenient for meetings in London.

If you've only been there 6 months the weather has been spectacularly shit. This matters a lot more in rural areas than the city. Dc can't play/ walks are bottomless/ beloved road bike is still in the garage.

I think a lot of people do view rural life with rose tinted glasses though - those escape to the country programmes where they complain about houses on main roads. Ah the roads that are gritted in winter then, worth a bit of traffic noise if you ask me......

You tried it, didn’t like it, so go back! Maybe you’ll enjoy it now it’s better weather, knowing you have limited time iyswim.

Katchit I cant believe nobody has picked you up on this outrageous statement: Rural living is good for long weekends, but on a permanent basis it is not so good for emotional well-being Seriously? All those of us who live in the countryside have poor emotional wellbeing?
It’s dependent on who you are and where you live. Some places are good for some people, some for others. If you are in the wrong place, OP, move - but don’t rule out rural living because of one dodgy house in one location.