Living the dream... and not liking it :(

[hardtoplease]

We made the jump from city to countryside last year. I’ve got everything we talked about, big house, real fires, stand-alone bath, wet room, huge garden, country lanes, nature... and I don’t like it one bit.

The bath. How I longed for a bathroom like in the magazines. It’s crap. Water splashes everywhere including underneath and it starts to small damp if not wiped up. So you just finish a nice relaxing soak and then you’re on your hands and knees in a towel trying to wipe it all up. It’s a big house, it’s hard and expensive to heat. The underfloor heating is cracking the tiles so it looks awful and feels nasty. The place is so big the water pressure is shite and it takes ages for the hot water to come through the tap.

Something died in our roof space, the smell lasted 6 weeks. We couldn’t find it. Experts couldn’t find it. We run out of stuff constantly and the nearest shop is a small garage a few miles away. We have to drive to get anywhere. So much for all those country walks. We did more when we drove in from the city at weekends. The weather has been shit so we haven’t used the garden much. Trees came down. We were snowed in. The cars were iced up in the mornings. When the electricity went we were grateful for the real fires but the mess, the mess. And there’s mud tramped in everyday.

It’s a huge house. I have to walk up two flights of stairs if I’ve left something in the bedroom. Everything you want upstairs is downstairs and vice versa.

The saving grace... we rented! We can move back (not for six months:( ) to our city place and live the real dream with 24 hour shops within walking distance and restaurants and coffee shops and low bills and no stairs and I can have a bath without it being a major expedition. We can drive to the countryside when we want and then leave the dead animals and mud there when we leave.

But DH thinks we should stick with the decision now we have made it! He has a huge commute instead of a short walk, but he says it’s “running away”. He hates the commute! He’s a wackaloon!

Who is being unreasonable?! We’ve tried it for six months. We tried it. It’s shit.

Sounds like my absolute idea of heaven. I live semi-rurally and would like to be more isolated!

Some practical things in the interim: -

Towel/bathmat/both under the bath will mop up the worst of the spills.

You have to be organised re: shopping to ensure you don't run out of items.

The up/down stairs thing is just life surely?! It can't be that far unless you live in the tallest house in the world. Just think of it as extra exercise.

There's no shame in admitting its not for you but you and DH need to come to a compromise

There’s not much space under the bath, I think I’d still have to be on my hands and knees to slide a mop under. Splashes are from it filling as well as getting in and out. It’s an odd square shape, not a roll top, looks funky but doesn’t function!

Sounds like you went from one extreme to the other.

Village or small town living, would probably have been less of a shock to the system.

If you are unhappy move back, it's not running away. It's about not been a mug to bad ideas.

I was brought up in a rural area, and villages, but have lived in cities and towns.

It always makes me when you see these normally retired couples on escape to the country, wanting a big place in the middle of nowhere. They get shown ones in villages and turn their noses up, nope they want to be completely cut off, but have never lived that life before, so have no idea what the realities are or how they will manage as they get less mobile.

Also for your DS he’s too young for him to make the most of that fresh air. Once he’s walking and toddler you can let him loose in the garden and he will love it.
Some of this you can’t have anticipated but surely you did research the location before moving? (Shops/playgroups/activities?)

Your DH is mad. You don't have to live with it at all; you made the decision to try it for 6 months, presumably so you could make a decision one way or the other at the end?

We spent 13 years living in a small village after growing up in a city. We've moved to the edge of a large town now, where everything we need is within 3km of us, and it's the best thing we've ever done.

Move back and be happy.

A lot of the mess issues can be solved by having good quality, large, waterproof mats by all doors and around the bath. You need to have a spare freezer which is well stocked during the winter. The beauty of a big house is that you have plenty of storage space and it's cheaper to bulk buy loo roll etc.

It sounds like you chose the wrong area. Would a decent size village within easy reach of a town suit you better? I would hate to live miles from the nearest shop!

I think by renting you have done it very sensibly OP, and while I agree to some extent that you may feel better after the summer it's very likely that you won't given not all your issues are weather related. It's all very well for PP to say it's a joint decision but you and DH are not getting a joint experience out of this new life are you? LTB

There’s not much space under the bath, I think I’d still have to be on my hands and knees to slide a mop under

So roll towels and put them around the space. Fill the bath slower so it doesn't splash.

Honestly I get hating somewhere but try not to let it colour dealing with perfectly easy situations to deal with!

What about half way, say in a small market town? Close enough for shops and people city and countryside but a bit less of a dramatic change?

well things like the bath are easily fixed - that was always a bad design.

however, why does your DP want to stick it out if you hate it that much?

also, if you want to be able to walk to shops etc you've got to move anyway.

one of my friends made this move and she was overjoyed to be properly snowed it, with no prospect of anyone being able to say "but you can get here if you try". She really couldn't. Fully stocked though of course and some people enjoy the peace of that situation.

Its not "The Dream", its "A Dream" for someone, not everyone has the same dream. You wanted out of the cite, but have found out parts of your dream idea that don't suit you doesn't mean its one choice or another.

Maybe once you lease expires try another maybe a smaller house but still with a garden, in a bigger village with some amenities, local pub/mini supermarket but still walking distance to the countryside.

name thecat yes, that’s it, you have to do lots of travelling! I had no idea. It is less travelling to be in the city and travel out at weekends and holidays. We were supposed to be meeting up with some people yesterday but their toad was flooded so it was called off.

*road not toad obviously 😂

My dream was to live in the countryside and I’m now living the dream and am now over it. First few years were wow, how lucky are we! And when we planned to move in the past, we couldn’t see past country villages. Now we are planning to move overseas and live right in the city. It came down to wanting a more activity packed lifestyle and realising we aren’t near retirement age ffs! Lol
In summer, the countryside is lush and utterly gorgeous. It feels good driving down country lanes and going for country walks but the weather has been absolute crap that not even living in a beautiful area makes up for it. However the weather should be getting nicer now, so don’t give up yet. See it as a hoilday in the countryside. It’s not like you are going to be stuck there forever. And with time, you might find it addictive. It was for me for a long while.

Btw, I hate those baths and would never own one. I don’t get the appeal.

I would also hate that. At least it's only for six months, and the summer will probably be a lot nicer with less mud.

I love living in a city. I've often felt like I'm supposed to move to a more rural location because I have a child and people think its the right thing to do. But we would hate it. We can walk to the cinema, theater, shops and restaurants in 15 minutes. It's hard to get bored living in a city. Country walks don't interest me at all.

You tried, you didn't like it, so you stop the experiment. That sounds fair enough if it's easily done. Personally I like the idea of moving back to the countryside, but then again I grew up there and I know its limitations.

Op, which region you are in? I'm sure MN could suggest better places for you to move to that are less rural but still have a country vibe to them.

What about a suburb of a town? You sound like you have literally bought in the middle of nowhere! I think it's a bit like living near the beach, totally idealistic in the Summer when on holiday, but in actual practice not so realistic!

You can compromise on city/rural living.

I live just outside a market town. I am surrounded by countryside and beautiful views. I have a huge garden, grow my own veg, and don't need to put the dog on a lead to take him for a walk.

The kids' primary school is just 2 miles away, and I have a supermarket which is open from 6 am to 10 pm a 10 minute walk from my house.

Great choice of village pubs with good food within 10 minutes drive of us (sadly our local, in walking distance, isn't up to much).

And I am half an hour from 2 major towns with good shops, theatres, cinemas etc.

You need to try living somewhere a bit less isolated OP - you can still get all the benefits of country living, without the downsides you describe. Except possibly the dead rodent in the roof. Although when we lived in London our neighbours had rats & I was terrified they'd find a way into our house.

So many people do this. I live rurally - have to drive to the nearest shop, nearest city with anything to do over an hour away, no public transport, everything expensive, damp, cold or muddy...

I love it. But then I've always lived in the sticks. You've tried it, and it's not for you, which is great, you only rented. We see so many who come only in summer, buy themselves a house out here and barely get through their first February intact. The countryside isn't cosmetic pretty, it's tough and having to drive for every single playdate, cinema visit and pint of milk is a real bore.

Go back to the city, OP. You can always try again when your son is older (and pick a better house!).

I think you've gone to the extreme. I've lived in the middle of nowhere and it's lovely in the spring, summer and autumn. Once winter takes hold if you're not well prepared it can be awful.

You would have been better off on the edge of a small town or large village, where the countryside is on your doorstep but you have the community on your doorstep too.

Would your DH consider moving to make his commute shorter and to an area with better community facilities for you?

Also OP, the weather has been exceptionally awful this winter. Spring should have arrived weeks ago, the endless rain certainly limits your enjoyment. I am really fed up of the mud! But my Facebook reminder posts remind me it's not normally like this in early April!

Be thankful you are renting and not bought a house.

Me and DH were both born in London but thought our dream was to live in the country. So we bought a house in a village. There was a shop (expensive) and a pub so not completely cut off.

We both hated it. All the reasons you state. No pavements so either walk the dog down the road and risk being hit by a car or drive to somewhere like woods, a park etc. All the surrounding land was farmland so no walking there.

Everywhere just seemed to be mud. We got sick of looking at it and getting covered in it when out walking. Plus we had a hairy dog so that meant ages to clean him up after walks.

Miles to get to a supermarket, cinema, library, decent restaurant, coffee shop etc.

We had a log burner. Seemed such a good idea but the faff of keep having to light it, clean it out etc is so not worth it. Plus all the dust, everywhere covered in it. I really don't know how people cope with it.

We stuck it for 4 years and it never really got any better. Yes, it's a bit better in the summer but not much. We also found that we had a problem with flies even though the nearest farm with animals was not that close.

House prices dropped in the 4 years but regardless of making a loss we had had enough. We couldn't afford to move back to London sadly but we did move back to a city. Bliss!

We can walk the dog far more easily and have far more places to walk him within walking or a short car ride distance. We have loads of restaurants, loads of supermarkets (big and small), a brilliant library and we can get back to London quickly and easily (which we do at least once a month).

I would definitely move back if I were you.

Oh and we never had a freestanding bath because I have never seen the point of them and personally think they look ugly. The craze for having one in the bedroom is just plain daft

kosha researched schools (thinking long term) and playgroups. Local school has a good review on paper, outstanding, but when we got here the locals say it isn’t as good as it used to be because key staff members have left, got out of teaching. They expect next inspection to be grim. Playgroups that exist on the internet don’t exist in real life now we’re here!

That’s changeable though, the location I mean, we always planned to rent to get a feel for the area and then sell/buy. But I don’t want the big house anymore! It’s too much work. Not a tall house but higgledy-piggledy (sp?) because it has converted cellar and outbuildings.

The only good thing this house has going for it is that it looks amazing on Instagram! It doesn’t work though, it doesn’t function like a liveable space!!