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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need quick advice. Am I being a harsh parent?

80 replies

JustVent · 06/04/2018 16:28

Two kids 11 and 6.

The 11 year old goes scooting at the near by skate park most days. He’s developed a bad attitude. Talks to me rudely and abruptly on the phone, comes home moody and entitled.
I’ve asked him if anything is wrong at the SP and he says no.
I’ve warned him that I don’t like it.

He’s been there all day, he’s supposed to sleep over at his friends house.
He’s come home to collect his stuff and he called his little brother a cock.

I’m livid, this isn’t a word my youngest has been exposed to yet, and it was out of order, he’s only 6.

I told my eldest that I’ve reached my limit with his attitude and he isn’t going for a sleep over now.

He is now in full swing of tears and tantrums.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Liskee · 06/04/2018 16:30

No, YANBU.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 06/04/2018 16:30

No, good call

He is clearly not mature enough to handle hanging out at the skate park with older teens who talk like that/act tough

I'd have a serious word!

Elementtree · 06/04/2018 16:32

No. YANBU. I'd have done the same. There's no way I'd let him take that cocky attitude to someone else's house.

chickenowner · 06/04/2018 16:32

YANBU

He definitely doesn't deserve a treat after that little outburst!

Dragongirl10 · 06/04/2018 16:32

Time to put your foot down firmly and calmly (although l can understand your anger).

Sit him down tears or not, tell him you have noticed the change in him recently particularly when he returns from the SP, ask him if there is anything like bullying going on, ask him in lots of ways, direct, indirect etc.

Then if nothing is forthcoming say what you r expectations from now are re behavoiur at home, language used and if he breaks these rules even once he will lose a day going out each time

Good luck op hope its just exposure to different kids nohting else..

Dragongirl10 · 06/04/2018 16:32

nothing even !

TegKernow · 06/04/2018 16:32

I don't think you're being harsh, no. He should know that he can't copy the older boys at the skate park (I assume this is what he's doing) and come home and speak to his little brother like that.

I'd stick to your guns, or let him go to his friends house but make it clear he's banned from the skate park until he's older?

RatherBeRiding · 06/04/2018 16:34

No definitely not harsh. He needs to learn that his actions have consequences. I'd guess he is getting a lot of his bad attitude from older kids at the SP? Maybe that is something to knock on the head?

I'd also, when he's calmed down, try to have a serious talk with him about his behaviour. Ask him if he feels it's acceptable. Hopefully he will recognise that it isn't and will be able to accept some ownership of his poor behaviour, but for now you're just going to have to ride out the tantrum and tears.

FadedRed · 06/04/2018 16:34

Stick to your guns, Op.
Ignore the tears and tantrums.
When all is quiet, maybe towards bedtime, a cuddle and a chat is in order.

TheHandmaidsTail · 06/04/2018 16:34

Totally well done you! It's hard (or I find it hard) when they get upset but I think 10/11/12 is a really crucial age to get a handle a bad behaviour before the teenage years.

HolyMountain · 06/04/2018 16:34

Stick with the punishment and don't back down or he'll think you're a pushover.

gybegirl · 06/04/2018 16:35

A reasonable response for poor behaviour imo. You riding out the tantrum calmly also models the behaviour you're after for him.

SweetMoon · 06/04/2018 16:37

You definitely did the right thing. Perhaps he'll think twice now about calling his little brother horrible names. And I'd probably tell him if the tantrums don't stop they'll be no skate park tomorrow either.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/04/2018 16:39

I think I would have banned him from the skate park as that is what is causing his bad attitude. the sleep ove is also punicshing hte other friend.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/04/2018 16:40

and I say think because I am writing on the internet not parenting in the middle of it now. one does not always think through the best punishment in the heat of the moment.

RB68 · 06/04/2018 16:41

Nope not unreasonable. Time for a full reveiw of his activities and what he is allowed to do if behaviour is good and what goes when its poor. Deal with it now rather than later - far easier to handle an 11 yr ld than a 17yr old

TheJoyOfSox · 06/04/2018 16:45

No. That’s some good parenting, nothing unreasonable at all.

Do you think your eldest is mimicking the behaviour of older lads at the skatepark?

WeirdyMcBeardy · 06/04/2018 16:45

YANBU. Good response from you.

I'd be knocking the skate park on the head if this is how it makes him behave. Sounds like he's hanging around with some older kids, which I wouldn't like.

Troels · 06/04/2018 16:46

I'd also lock up the scooter for a few days and have lots of chats about attitude and language.

TeeBee · 06/04/2018 16:51

YANBU, that's called parenting. Let him tantrum, he will think twice about using that language in the future.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/04/2018 16:55

Yanbu.

rocketgirl22 · 06/04/2018 16:55

No, keep your foot down on this, if he is like this at eleven you are going to have a major problem once he becomes a teen. Better to deal with it now.

I would stop the skate park visits until he can be polite and civil at all times (would also be going along to see who he is hanging out with etc)

moofolk · 06/04/2018 16:57

YANBU

These things escalate and it's hard to know when / where to draw a line but this has happened on a night he's supposed to sleep at a friend's so fair enough although it would not be U to rejoice at being shot of the little shit for the night.

As blackeye said above this is also punishing his friend, but may make your DS consider his actions more if friend tells him what an idiot he was to be rude to LB and ruin their sleepover.

SecretBum · 06/04/2018 17:00

Yanbu at all, mine got a roasting the other day for calling his brother an idiot so I'd be livid at that.

kitkatsky · 06/04/2018 17:01

YANBU

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