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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need quick advice. Am I being a harsh parent?

80 replies

JustVent · 06/04/2018 16:28

Two kids 11 and 6.

The 11 year old goes scooting at the near by skate park most days. He’s developed a bad attitude. Talks to me rudely and abruptly on the phone, comes home moody and entitled.
I’ve asked him if anything is wrong at the SP and he says no.
I’ve warned him that I don’t like it.

He’s been there all day, he’s supposed to sleep over at his friends house.
He’s come home to collect his stuff and he called his little brother a cock.

I’m livid, this isn’t a word my youngest has been exposed to yet, and it was out of order, he’s only 6.

I told my eldest that I’ve reached my limit with his attitude and he isn’t going for a sleep over now.

He is now in full swing of tears and tantrums.

AIBU?

OP posts:
steppemum · 06/04/2018 17:01

I found at this age, that putting my foot down always resulted in tears and tanturms, but once the dust had settled it also resulted in kids being back on track. It is like the push the boundaries and test out what they can get away with. You draw the line and they sigh with relief that a line has been drawn. ( well, they stamp and shout first, but then relax at the reinstated boundary)

sockunicorn · 06/04/2018 17:01

You've definitely done the right thing. I also wouldnt be allowing my son near the skate park again if his attitude is like that!

diddl · 06/04/2018 17:02

I'd be thinking no SP & no phone tbh.

Sleepover-I get why but I guess it's sad for the other kid.

soupforbrains · 06/04/2018 17:03

I think this might be the most unanimous MN thread I've ever seen.

YANBU it is a reasonable and swift response to an unreasonable action and attitude which he has been previously warned about.

Well done, stick to it.

SabineUndine · 06/04/2018 17:04

I’d be wondering about the influence of the kids he’s hanging out with too.

bluemoonchances · 06/04/2018 17:09

YANBU

Also, if his attitude has changed so much, can I ask if he has a mobile phone? When he's in bed have a good look through it. May find out if he's having any issues with any particular people etc. I work in a field where I know a lot of kids around that age are exposed to a lot that parents would never expect their kids to be exposed to... mainly through social media. Check his web history too.

Original poster
JustVent · 06/04/2018 17:09

Definitely no SP tomorrow.

Thanks for the reassurance that I’m not being an arsehole. I couldn’t ask DH because he’s at work, I don’t like having to second guess myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustVent · 06/04/2018 17:09

bluemoon funny you should say that because I had a look last night and found thing untoward.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 06/04/2018 17:16

Not saying I disagree with your punishment but I do feel for the other kid, whose treat has just been cancelled. Sad

Unless there are other kids going too?

Adviceplease360 · 06/04/2018 17:17

Maybe he shouldn't be at the skate park so often. Good or bad behaviour limit how often he goes there and definitely no sleep over.

Lizzie48 · 06/04/2018 17:19

No you're definitely not being unreasonable. Not surprising he's throwing tantrums about it, but children need to understand that their actions have consequences. I'm sorry for the other child but there will be other sleepovers. Your DS can't behave that badly and get a treat like a sleepover.

MinaPaws · 06/04/2018 17:20

No YANBU. He needs to learn that bad behaviour has consequences, and that you are in charge.
I'd check out who's hanging out at the skate park if he's learning bad attitudes from there.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/04/2018 17:22

If friend is sp friend yanbu.

If friend is not sp YABU, friend shouldn’t be punished as well, and find a different punishment.

YoucancallmeVal · 06/04/2018 17:25

Definitely the right call. Other child being sad about sleepover is not your problem, don't worry about that.

MrsJayy · 06/04/2018 17:26

Oo well done you that was good bet he was shocked it really is ok to put your foot down. Fwiw probably some younger teenagers are hanging about the park your boy has been trying to be allsmart mouthed to fit and he has brought the attitude home

Tinkobell · 06/04/2018 17:26

Poor you. I think it's great that your lad is out in the fresh air etc and doing something physical but this has been the consequence - exposure to bad attitude, language etc. I don't know what to suggest other than getting tough while he's young enough for you to do so...I'd get your other half on board too. Def cancel the sleepover so the message hits home. Good luck!

MrsJayy · 06/04/2018 17:28

You know it is ok for the friend to be sad,

Caribou58 · 06/04/2018 17:30

YANBU. It's good parenting.

Passportto · 06/04/2018 17:36

Absolutely the right thing to so. At 11 I wouldn't worry about "punishing" the friend. The friend is old enough to understand. It's not like banning a 4yo from a friend's party for poor behaviour, which I wouldn't do.

The important thing now is to absolutely not back down

SmallBlondeMama · 06/04/2018 17:37

You are doing the right thing!

Beeziekn33ze · 06/04/2018 17:38

OP do you know anything about the older boys he's mixing with? Are you in an area where there's a drug problem? I've seen boys looking as young as 12 who are delivering drugs.

I'm not saying your son is in that kind of danger but I was truly shocked when I realised such young boys were involved.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/04/2018 17:40

Actually I think it's a bit harsh. Not only is it rough on the other kid but behaving like an authoritarian twat and demanding 'respect' isn't necessarily the way to get these things. A bit of attitude in a kid isn't always unhealthy and no kid has ever died from hearing a mildly rude word from an older sibling.

Backing down now would probably make things worse, but do try to make up with your DS before he goes to bed. Excessive punishments quite often reinforce the idea in a child's head that you are a bully, and therefore they either become more defiant or they start being sneaky.

PieAndPumpkins · 06/04/2018 17:40

Absolutely not BU! Let him cry!

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 06/04/2018 17:42

Yanbu but his friend (and his family) might think yabu.

If he can't handle a full day at the SP, he'll have to put up with a shorter slot or not go at all.

Chickoletta · 06/04/2018 17:44

YANBU. I don't think I'd be letting him go back to the skate park either. Your instincts could be right and something could have upset him at the skate park or he is mimicking other kids' behaviour/language. Either way, it's not an environment I'd want him in at the moment. It would be good if he could do something nice for his little brother over the next couple of days too.