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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wants to have some time out

95 replies

Mum5y · 06/04/2018 12:15

I started a conversation with my husband and I mentioned that I'd like to get together with my 2 sisters in law on a Saturday - child and husband free. He freaked out! I'm a stay at home mum. I do not have a lot of people in my life I can turn to as I moved far from family and friends. Another Country far. He says weekend are his only time with me but he goes out for work drinks and has adult company all the time and it's not like he spends time with me. Rather lazing on the couch. Playing games. It's been almost 3 years since I have been out alone. Am I asking for too much?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/04/2018 12:18

Don’t ask him. Tell him. Make the plans and then go and have a lovely time

Handsfull13 · 06/04/2018 12:20

Definitely not!
You need to see other adults sometimes. Maybe start small and have a family day but go out for dinner with your SILs. He can't complain he won't get to see you if you've spent all day with you.

Maybe ask him if anything else is bothering him. He might be scared to have your kids on his own, but just doesn't want to admit it.

Mightymucks · 06/04/2018 12:20

^^what she said

toomuchtooold · 06/04/2018 12:20

No! Christ no. No time out on your own for three years? I'd be going round the bend.

What's he like generally, your DH? From this he sounds needy at best and controlling at worst. I mean maybe he's just having a failure of empathy, maybe he just needs it explained to him - but I'm a bit Hmm that he reacted so surprised when you asked him.

How much time has he spent alone with your DC(s)? Do you think he's nervous about looking after them alone?

Trinity66 · 06/04/2018 12:21

Yeah don't ask for his permission

pinkie1982 · 06/04/2018 12:21

I need this. A night away with my friend. I need to negotiate childcare with SOMEONE/ANYONE?!

Just arrange it and say 'Im doing X on X date'. If he complains, say you do XYZ and I do nothing.

RepealMay25th · 06/04/2018 12:23

THREE YEARS? Tell him to go fuck himself. Are you his wife or his prisoner?

Fairenuff · 06/04/2018 12:27

He goes out child free and wife free yet freaked out at the thought of you doing the same?

How have you been living like this for 3 years?

BubblesAndSquarks · 06/04/2018 12:27

How old is your DC? Could it be he's worried about not knowing how to deal with them on his own?
We have 3 so its a bit different, but I think DP would be pretty stressed if I went out as he's not used to dealing with them all on his own.
Have you got anyone nearby eg SILs partner who could go to yours and keep DH company and be there as a bit of support if that's the issue?

SleepingStandingUp · 06/04/2018 12:30

BubblesAndSquarks then isn't it about time he learnt? Unless youngest is still tiny, there's no excuse unless they have complex care needs and you're never alone with them all either.

OP for goodness sake go. I'm assuming your child is 3 or there about. Any complex medical needs? Any reason for DH to worry other than incompetence and laziness?

Go and then make it a regular thing. Once a month at least

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/04/2018 12:30

WTF!??? 3 years!!!???

You don't need his permission to go out.

Just do it. He can look after this kids, he is their parent too.

3 years...

colditz · 06/04/2018 12:33

Just go. And don't forget to switch your phone off so he can't message you about how "the children need mummy you evil whore so you have to come home"

SlowlyLosingThePlot · 06/04/2018 12:34

He's been a complete and utter selfish jerk. It's all about him and what he wants, isn't it?! Go out and have fun.

category12 · 06/04/2018 12:35

You're asking too little.

Gide · 06/04/2018 12:37

Tell, there’d be no asking here.

Basseting · 06/04/2018 12:39

I had two nights out in 10 years. Then last year i changed. H and kids did NOT like it - I had always been there, like a piece of furniture. The change is good, it's healthy. GO!!!! (and enjoy.x)

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 12:45

Tell him and then walk out and turn your phone off. He's pisstaking.

Leeds2 · 06/04/2018 12:45

Just go and enjoy yourself! Your DH can spend time with you on the Sunday.

SmileyBird · 06/04/2018 12:45

My ex DH was like this. Happy for me to go out with my DD. Happy for me to go out with him. Me going out on my own, even if it’s just into town or something? No way.

It the single biggest reason he’s my ex.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 12:46

This is clearly the tip of the iceberg.

SmileyBird · 06/04/2018 12:46

And when I did go out (because I would insist) he would spoil it by sulking and making me anxious. We talked and rowed about it constantly.

NerrSnerr · 06/04/2018 12:48

You need to just go. Why is he laying around at the weekend instead of doing things with his family?

Viviennemary · 06/04/2018 12:48

Of course you should have a Saturday out with your family. But if he's not used to coping perhaps he's in a panic. I'm not making excuses for him but if people allow it to happen that DC's are never ever left with their father for longer than half an hour then this is the situation that can arise. How old are they?

ohfourfoxache · 06/04/2018 12:50

Fuck that.

Go out and make sure it’s the start of a regular arrangement with your SILs

ManchesterGin · 06/04/2018 12:51

You haven’t been out alone for 3 years?! I find this absolutely staggering.
How old are your children?

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