Mum wants to have some time out

[Mum5y]

I started a conversation with my husband and I mentioned that I'd like to get together with my 2 sisters in law on a Saturday - child and husband free. He freaked out! I'm a stay at home mum. I do not have a lot of people in my life I can turn to as I moved far from family and friends. Another Country far. He says weekend are his only time with me but he goes out for work drinks and has adult company all the time and it's not like he spends time with me. Rather lazing on the couch. Playing games. It's been almost 3 years since I have been out alone. Am I asking for too much?

What PoorYorick said. Spot on

What isadora said
Great dad but can't look after his own kids by himself?

Seriously you need to get out more and get some baby free time

He is a really great guy and such a good dad

No he’s really not. Not either of those things. You know how I know?

Because you haven’t been out alone in THREE BLOODY YEARS.

My DH is a great guy and a great Dad.

I told him last night I’m seeing some friends next week. He said “that’s nice, let me know if you need a lift or if you need me to come home early”

Do you see the difference?

He's not a great guy or a great dad. He's a controlling arse that can't be bothered looking after the kids by himself basically.

'If i ever did go out to meet friends it has always been with my 2 kids. And my friends love it. '

No, they don't. They put up with it because they know you're married to a tosser. He's not a 'great dad'.

I was a single mother and I still got time off, OP.

He’s not a great dad! A great dad would have taken the dc on his own voluntarily because he loves spending time with them!! A great husband would have done the same because he loves you! Your thoughtless selfish git of a dh barely recognises you’re a person if he is genuinely stunned you might go somewhere once in 3 years without your children.

Jeez, my DP isn't even my DD's biological father and he totally gets that I like to go out with friends from time-to-time and he looks after DD when I do. He's not bothered about nights out alone with his mates and we tend to do family/couple stuff with them, but he doesn't expect me to be like him. Just tell him you're going and that's that.

He is a really great guy and such a good dad. Freaked out that I'd like to go out without the family.

These two sentences are not compatible. One of them is wrong. Are you lying about his freaking out? Probably more likely he isn't half as good a guy and a great dad as he has made you believe IF YOU HAVEN"T GONE OUT ON YOUR OWN FOR THREE WHOLE YEARS!

He’s scared your going to run off and find a life with out him.

He isn’t a great guy. He’s a paranoid controlling one

It's been almost 3 years since I have been out alone. Am I asking for too much?

When you were a teenager dreaming of what life could bring you, the places you'd go, the people you'd meet, the fun you'd have -- could you ever have imagined actually seriously writing those two sentences? The "Am I asking for too much" is even sadder than the "its been almost 3 years since I've been out alone"

Mum5y Please read the information in this link, you may find it interesting. You may find it irrelevant, but it's worth a look.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

‘The only thing I get annoyed about is I make sure that everything is done in the home before I go out whereas he just goes out 😬 and I come back to chaos dishes not put in washer and in the sink , sofas and blankets in disarray, empty wrappers in family room crumbs on worktops I could go on and on

Is this a 'punishment' for your going out, bellsbuss? Or maybe a way of trying to get you to stay home, hoping you'll think the mess you find on return isn't worth it?

Working hard all week or not - NO excuse for that level of chaos just because you aren't home. Also -why do you have to make sure "everything is done" before you leave? You sound more like a paid housekeeper than a partner/wife!’

Mine tried this in the early years. I came through the door, said fuck this and walked right out again and stayed away for several months until I was sure he’d got his shit together. No thank you.

Freaked out that I'd like to go out without the family.

Why does this 'freak him out'? It's normal for a parent to go out sometimes without their children. Ask him why he feels this way about it. And why it's not the same for him. The answer won't be good.

OK so he has freaked out. Have you considered doing absolutely nothing whatsoever about that?

Leave him alone. Don't discuss. You are going out. That's it. You going out alone is absolutely normal behaviour thus any issues he has are entirely his own and he has to find a way to get over himself.

Don't try to win him over, talk him round, etc. You can't argue with an irrational response.

Carry on as normal, go out, no drama from you, switch phone off, come home, ignore sulks, repeat fortnightly until he's used to it.

He is a really great guy and such a good dad.

Bollocks. I went to China when DD was 3. Without him or DD. CHINA FFS. And came back to a happy child, clean house and wonderful DH. THAT'S a great guy.

Op you haven't stopped being an individual, a person in your own right, you don't exist solely as mum and wife. At least you shouldn't although it does seem that you have allowed that to become the case if you honestly haven't socialised without your dc or husband for 3 years!

This really needs to be the thing you hold your ground on and if he's really such a great guy he'll understand that. OR maybe he won't because he actually does think you are only wife and mother and he's not so great...

How come it's ok for him to go out without the family then? But not you?

Wow I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it's because he's The Great Provider who deserves to .

So what are you going to do OP? You sound as if you're just going to accept this awful behaviour from your H.

There must be more to this story. Most grown women would absolutely not accept this.