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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wants to have some time out

95 replies

Mum5y · 06/04/2018 12:15

I started a conversation with my husband and I mentioned that I'd like to get together with my 2 sisters in law on a Saturday - child and husband free. He freaked out! I'm a stay at home mum. I do not have a lot of people in my life I can turn to as I moved far from family and friends. Another Country far. He says weekend are his only time with me but he goes out for work drinks and has adult company all the time and it's not like he spends time with me. Rather lazing on the couch. Playing games. It's been almost 3 years since I have been out alone. Am I asking for too much?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 06/04/2018 12:55

So he is basically saying you are not allowed friends out with him meh bugger that you don't need his permission to see your SILs

halfwitpicker · 06/04/2018 12:59

OMFG just tell him. Make plans and go.

justforthisthread101 · 06/04/2018 13:02

I WOH but my husband occasionally makes a fuss like this. In his case, it's more that he's bloody useless at keeping up with his friends and therefore maintains he doesn't have a social life. Not my problem.

My default used to be to check if he had plans, but we have a family diary, and I realised I was effectively asking him if he had something more important to do than my wishes. Now, I say, I'm due to go with X on Y. The diary looks clear, is it or do I need to get a sitter?

He might grumble, particularly about the cost of a sitter, but I just ignore it.

You go out and have a lovely time.

Cavender · 06/04/2018 13:05

Your DH is an arse.

I’m also a SAHM in a country far from home and my husband positively encourages me to go out.

His answer would be “great, do you need dropped off somewhere”.

SabineUndine · 06/04/2018 13:09

I’d tell him you’re making it once a fortnight from now onwards and stick to it even if it means going to the cinema on your own.

toolazytothinkofausername · 06/04/2018 13:30

SabineUndine Hear hear!

CupofFrothyCoffee · 06/04/2018 13:33

Go - don't ask, you tell him.

I hope you're not saying he gets to decide the outcome of this???

glitterbiscuits · 06/04/2018 13:38

What Sabine said

Gottokondo · 06/04/2018 13:47

I’d tell him you’re making it once a fortnight from now onwards and stick to it even if it means going to the cinema on your own.

Actually this is a great idea. Going to the cinema on your own is lovely, you don't have to dress up, can eat the whole box of popcorn and drink a glass of wine while you watch the latest movie in one go without being bothered or having to care for someone else. I highly recommend it.

PasDeDeux · 06/04/2018 13:49

Yanbu in the slightest. You don't need his permission to go. Without knowing the full story he is coming across as very controlling..

timeisnotaline · 06/04/2018 13:50

Go! And if you can’t turn your phone off tell him you only want a call if an ambulance has arrived for one of the dc or he’s already waiting at a&e with them

annandale · 06/04/2018 13:53

In my one and only year as a sahm I went out three times a week. Tbh i couldn't stand it if my partner hadn't been out in three years.

TokyoSushi · 06/04/2018 14:05

Utterly ridiculous OP, just go!

bringincrazyback · 06/04/2018 14:06

YANBU in the slightest, and you don't need his permission. Go, and have a lovely time! I don't know how you've coped for so long without any time doing things just for you. He's being staggeringly unreasonable.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 06/04/2018 14:07

Tell him the time you're leaving the rough time you'll be back and go enjoy yourself. Even if your DH is worried about how he'll manage the DC(s?) it's bloody time he learned. My DH would be worried about me if I hadn't had some time out by myself in three years.

Is your DH one of these ones who thinks because you're a SAHM you have lots of free time and spend most of it 'lunching with the gals.'?

diddl · 06/04/2018 14:09

Oh no-is he going to have to look after children alone??

spacecadet48 · 06/04/2018 14:18

I am staggered at reading your post. The fact that you even had a conversation starting with 'i would like to go out' is a concern in itself as you are seeking his permission. Assert yourself and tell him your going out. I see my friends once a month without my OH, I actively encourage him to do the same.

TheWernethWife · 06/04/2018 14:20

FFS - how do these adult men manage to hold down a job and function in real life if they can't manage looking after their kids for a few hours. Can't believe posters are excusing this behaviour, the OP had to learn how to deal with them so can the useless husband. Diddl so agree with you.

converseandjeans · 06/04/2018 14:22

He is being ridiculous - it's not unreasonable at all. Can't he meet up with BIL and kids if he can't cope on his own. Just go.

GoldenBarbie · 06/04/2018 14:23

Say you werent asking but telling him and this is now going to be something he needs to get used to

DairyisClosed · 06/04/2018 14:27

I think you should point out to him that you haven't been out alone for three years. He goes our all the time on the other hand. You are a person, not his possession and therefore also require some time to yourself. Then just go out.

Gooseysgirl · 06/04/2018 14:28

Wow I can't believe this... my marriage would have been over a long time ago if I didn't have time on my own to socialise.... THREE YEARS!!! Wtf

Quietlife1979 · 06/04/2018 14:28

When did he turn in to your jailer?

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2018 14:31

Just tell you’re going out at the weekend. Can I ask, does he ever go out by himself without you?

ExploryRory · 06/04/2018 14:35

I’m a WAHM, also far from family and most of my friends. I just say I’ll be out on this day, it’s on the calendar. If I had to ask I wouldn’t still be here.

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