"Family money"

[namastethefuckaway]

If your a sahm and your partner works it's fair that you should either be given access to a joint account or if not you should be entitled to a certain amount of money per month...(not eligible to claim tax credit/child benefit etc)
And shouldn't have to ask for "fuel" etc money on a day to day basis because it demoralising and controlling?

I've already given my advice to OP, colditz. Doesn't mean I can't pull you up on being rude and wrong.

I absolutely was wrong, lacucuracha but if you think I'm the one being rude here, you need to examine your own behaviour closely. I'm not going to engage with you again though, I suspect you're enjoying yourself too much.

Namaste

I suspect that money is not the only way in which he is controlling you. Why exactly do you think he could take the children from you? Are you outside the UK - because if so, the advice here won't be relevant or helpful. Have you have mental health problems? These don't mean he can have your children.

We are adopting, I am self-employed so get no adoption pay (female), so my OH (male) is taking adoption leave from his work.

I have worked out bills, and will pay the difference when his adoption pay goes to statutory (our plan is for him to be off for 6 months), but I have also included £200 for him to have for 'stuff' after all the bills are paid for. I don't want him to have to ask me for money, or for him to feel belittled doing so.
We don't have joint accounts but have a joint savings account, which we both have access to, and if he needed more money I would be happy for him to take it from there.
I have no debts but he does, and when I am in a position to pay his off I will. He is my husband, and while he accumulated the debts before we were together, we now have a life and future together, along with our soon-to-be baby!

Your OH sounds horrible, you shouldn't have to ask for money, and you shouldn't feel bad if you do.

@colditz

Have a read of your earlier posts. You are spectacularly unaware. Not sure why you think I would enjoy responding to you. I'd be happy if you stop now.

I’m a SAHM currently while we’re in the USA. Usually I work.

It makes absolutely no difference. DH and I both have full access to all our accounts. If either of us plan to buy something more than day to day we discuss it and agree.

In your position OP I’d be getting a job ASAP.

As a SAHM myself I couldn’t imagine not having a joint bank account, he may make the money but you both earn it, give him a bill each week of what he owes you, 50% childcare costs, 50%cleaning costs and what’s ever else you do.

Lol "YOu're not leaving, you're SACKED"

If you are in a partnership all income to the partnership should be regarded as shared 50/50 after bills/essentials and you should both draw equal leisure time.

You know this situation is very wrong, you should absolutely be claiming the CB and you should get advice on your situation but that can be difficult -free advice is not always available. You might want to move this to one of the relationships/legal topics for a more focused audience.

What happens when you ask for money or what would happen if you insisted on access to money? Would you be safe?

It's often the case that men like this are happy for their children to suffer, as well - do you get 'allocated' enough to buy them eg new shoes when their feet grow? Enough clothes? Sometimes controlling men only restrict a woman spending money on herself, but there are many who don't care if their kids are hungry as long as they can have their drinks/drugs/gadgets/hobbies. If his financial abuse is making the DC suffer, it will be even easier to get support to chuck him out of the marriage and put him firmly in his place.
Good luck OP.

OP - I can't work out if you're married or not....I'm sensing not so. Is the business up shit-creek or something? It's no excuse whatsoever, but just wondering if there's a reason for this petty and controlling behaviour?
I agree with other posters on getting a job yourself and paying Childcare. Feels like this guy has you in a noose I'm sorry to say. Only you bail your way out. I'd certainly probe him around his job....has he not been paid or something?

A you married op?

Do youhave assets together? House? Do you rent?

Look, my lover, I had to struggle all through dd's baby years, toddler years, young child years, doffing my cap for a pittance and one given grudgingly at that. He would take a large roll of notes from his pocket and leaf through the 20s, the the 10s to find a solitary fiver in the middle, which he would hand over slowly saying "don't spend it all at once". I once really wanted to give a friend a birthday present, she was one of the few people I was still 'allowed' to see and she had been so kind to me. I was quizzed for half an hour about presents that she had given me and what they were worth. He almost convinced me that my friend actually hated me. I got her a gift, I had grubbed around in the deep dark recesses of the sofa and other forgotten corners, scraped together about £4.

Don't be like me.

Call Women's Aid. Please.

Tell him you'll be going back to work full time and he will have to fund half the child care costs as currently you do it for free or bill him for all the SAHM work you do that he is currently receiving free of charge. Cheeky fucker, it's his money erm I don't think so.

Previous posters are right, this is financial abuse. I'd be getting a part time job asap and squirrelling away money for an emergency fund.

OP - evaluate your situation. Your DP is obviously controlling. I doubt it will be as simple as a just finding yourself a job but I think you need to start being more assertive and working out your exit strategy