"Family money"

[namastethefuckaway]

If your a sahm and your partner works it's fair that you should either be given access to a joint account or if not you should be entitled to a certain amount of money per month...(not eligible to claim tax credit/child benefit etc)
And shouldn't have to ask for "fuel" etc money on a day to day basis because it demoralising and controlling?

Hilarious when someone who can't ignore their kids fast enough day to day suddenly decides they're going to go for full custody when their live-in slave has had enough.

And yes, if all parents who ever took antidepressants had their kids removed, we'd have to repurpose every football stadium in the country to become an orphanage, and it still wouldn't be enough.

Disney - we do exactly this. I'm not a sahm but all our money is 'our' money and once bills are paid we split what's left 50/50 for 'fun' money regardless of who earns the most

This is abuse. Please seek help OP.

I'm a sahm and control the finances

Colditz Did you RTFT? The OP will be able start a Fuck Off Fund once she’s claiming child benefit, which about four people just prior to my post had suggested.

I just filled out a child benefit form. You only need his name. National insurance number was optional.

Putting this in bold for OP.

Get the CB, save your money and leave him. Very upsetting to hear of this.

It's clear that in addition to wanting to keep the family money for himself, he also doesn't want you to have access to ANY money. It's about control. And it's abuse.

There’s no way the kids will be taken from you, their main carer.

You are being horrifically financially abused here, you need to make an escape plan. You should have full access to all money if you are the stay-at-home partner, whether you have kids or not. The only reason not to have this is if you’re a crazy spendthrift or have an addiction like gambling. Adults don’t need monitoring like children with pocket money! Please please see if you can get out of this mess. I don’t think your husband will suddenly change into a loving and fair minded person.

Claim child benefit op and DONT make that your first point of call for money to use, you need to save it for telling him to fuck off. You don’t need his details to fill it out. He won’t take your kids.

You know this isn't right. We juggle our money around but whether working part time or not at all I have never had less access to money than my DH. We are a team and we have different roles on the team.

Taking anti depressants will not mean that the courts would state that your DC should reside with DH. Really would he want that, DC are very expensive to keep.

For all the people rabbiting about child benefit, if he is earning too much, she won't be able to claim as they will take his income into account.

She needs to leave FIRST and claim as a single woman but for that she's going to need the help of womensaid because she has no money

I think some people who cry "Leave the bastard!" have no experience of ACTUALLY leaving anyone. It is NOT EASY. And life afterwards is utterly impoverished.

I don't work because of health reasons. Things would be so much harder if I had to ask DH for money on normal stuff! His pay goes on our joint account, like my benefits did, back when I had any. Neither one of us wastes money that we don't have to waste, though, and we do talk about it beforehand, if either one of us is buying anything bigger or out of the ordinary.

My father always earned good money, while DM gave up work to look after DF's mother. They never had a joint account, and it was depressing to watch, really. DF clearly felt that as he was the one earning, he should have full say on what his pay was used on. DM had a small pension and bought everything out of that...

Colditz... she can claim chb regardless of his income. He will pay tax to cover it. She should def claim as will get ni credits towards state pension.

For all the people rabbiting about child benefit, if he is earning too much, she won't be able to claim as they will take his income into account.

colditz how embarrassing for you. Please don't peddle incorrect info.

Ishoos is correct, she can claim.

If you can't get him to see sense and do leave I would suggest getting as much of his financial info as possible - it is very easy for self employed people to hide earnings if they are the type, reducing your child maintenance as they see fit! (You'd still be better off with benefits alone, than no money at all and at the mercy of someone else though). Good luck.

@namastethefuckaway I am a SAHM and DH works full time. Earns a good wage so we are lucky I am able to not work. We have a joint bank account where all money goes. Bills come out of this and we just both spend. He has never picked me up on what I spend (although I do sometimes feel guilt at the amount of clothes shops and beauticians on the bank statement and draw cash out instead of using the card!)

We also do both have separate accounts where extra money or birthday money etc goes but neither of us really touch them.

I would go back to work if i were you, then split childcare, will end up costing him more probably but you will have control of you life back. I couldn't be dealing with having to beg for money like that

Lacucuracha, how odd that you think I'd be embarrassed at trying to help someone in an abusive relationship. Do you really think that this is an argument and you're the winner? This isn't about nitpicking, this is about trying to provide as much support for Namaste as she can possibly access without making her situation worse. I'm sorry you're seeing it differently.

Clearly I'm wrong about how child benefit works at higher income levels. I'm GLAD I'm wrong and that Namaste can get some help, but Namaste you do still need the support of Womensaid or another domestic abuse organisation because a) this is more about control than money controlling men don't let anyone go easily and b) Child benefit is a paltry amount and will take too long to use it to get away, if I were you I would use it for immediate needs like credit for your phone.

WRT the child benefit, I'd be very concerned that the reason he won't do the paperwork is that he has already done it and it's already going into his own account.

I was a sahm for 25 years and had access to all money.
We tried a joint account but there was no need.
I had tax credits and cb into my account and dh paid bills from his.
I never had to ask for any money, not even once.
We discussed it beforehand and dh thought it important for me to be able to access money and to manage the finances, as he was working.
I just saw it as part of my role.

My DP also owns a business and I'm a SAHM, I left my home country and a job I bloody loved to live with him and look after our 2DC. We don't have a joint account yet but he gives me cash whenever I need it and I do the cooking, meal planning. I like the poster who said 'I'm not free childcare' makes lots of sense.

Oh purlease.
Op ignored all the posts asking if this was a wind up.

@colditz please don't twist thing. I didn't say you should be embarrassed for trying to help someone experiencing abuse. You should be embarrassed for telling people they're rabbiting on when. You were rude.

These threads always upset and frustrate me! I want to come and shake you! I want to yell at him and make him see what he is doing to you.

You should have as much access to the money he earns for your family as he does. Yes, he earns the money for the family, not for himself!

You should not have to ask for money. You are worse off than me, and I am a SAHM with a partner on a low wage. We might not have much coming in, but I have access to every penny of it!

Sorry if I missed this, are you married? You said partner?

What can I do if I'm not working, have no income at all & solely rely on him

Well actually you ARE working - so bill him the market rate for full time childcare.
Or find your self respect and leave this abusive, controlling dickhead.

@colditz please don't twist thing. I didn't say you should be embarrassed for trying to help someone experiencing abuse. You should be embarrassed for telling people they're rabbiting on when. You were rude.

Are you being constructive?