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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if being "body positive" was promoting anorexia...

252 replies

Piglatin · 05/04/2018 07:30

...everyone would be up in arms? Yet I see the phrase being used more and more on social media by obese women. I don't understand why being "thick", "curvy", "plus size", "voluptuous" are just other ways to avoid saying fat, yet if skeletal women were posting things about being "body positive" most people would see how damaging it is. Are we all meant to pretend that being unhealthily overweight is OK now?!

OP posts:
ItsASairFecht · 06/04/2018 23:26

I think the point about being happy whatever your size is that if you can achieve that state it probably takes the pressure off of feeling you have to lose weight to be "ok"..and the relaxing of that pressure probably, ironically, leads to losing weight because you are no longer obsessing over it all and experiencing that whole destructive cycle of feelings.

tiggersneverdie · 07/04/2018 03:57

social benefits from being overweight?

OK. I am 36, and have suffered with binge/compulsive eating since childhood. In my 20s I was diagnosed with PCOS and since age 16 have battled serious mental health issues requiring heavy duty medication, one of the drugs damaged my brain and gave me Tardive Dystonia so my mobility is now affected. One of the disorders I have been labelled with has as one of it's symptoms "chronic feelings of lonliness or emptiness." A way of filling that sense of empty (I get empty rather than lonely as I am an introvert who doesn't "do" people) is to eat and eat and eat. I am a size 26 and at my heaviest was size 30/32, and almost 25 stone at just under 5ft8in.

Social benefits I have experienced are:

-My own dad telling me as a teenager that I was fat and ugly, calling me Miss Piggy

  • having rubbish thrown at me out of cars and sworn at by complete strangers
-being assumed that my mobility problems I have due to dystonia are just me being fat and lazy -people assuming I smell -people telling me "but binge eating isn't a REAL eating disorder"

OrangeKitten I feel the same way still at times though I have started going to OA (Overeaters Anon) and they are helping, but it has not been easy. OA may be an option for you if you don't get anywhere with the doctor but I agree totally that this is an emotional/mental issue and good therapy or medication (or both) could be a real help. Flowers to you and all the best.

tiggersneverdie · 07/04/2018 03:59

there's no dysphoria it's a simple addiction If you mean no body image dysphoria, then I agree, if you mean that BED/compulsive overeating involve no dysphoria of mood (shame, depression, anxiety, self hate) and obsessive thininking, then you are wrong. We also tend to be all or nothing, black and white thinkers and perfectionsists same as with anorexia, and many of us have OCD.

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2018 08:51

I think the point about being happy whatever your size is that if you can achieve that state it probably takes the pressure off of feeling you have to lose weight to be "ok"..and the relaxing of that pressure probably, ironically, leads to losing weight because you are no longer obsessing over it all and experiencing that whole destructive cycle of feelings

Sure. I agree, theoretically, the point is for many it's nigh on impossible to achieve that state. Not just because of the reaction from arseholes as witnessed by other posters, but many other things like physical discomfort, physical inability to do certain things, difficulty buying clothes, general feelings about appearance, constant feeling of failure if they repeatedly attempt to address it etc. Very few people at a size 20 plus will ever be genuinely happy about it. Don't get me wrong, some people are, but the vast majority would struggle to achieve that mental state.

ItsASairFecht · 07/04/2018 08:58

I quite agree, it would be very difficult..but I see why they are aiming for it, and why people buy into that.

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 18:27

Its very upsetting to hear posters experiences with awful members of the public. :(

IveGotaBigPig · 07/04/2018 19:14

There are a very very very very tiny number of people who are not underweight who are actively trying to gain weight! Especially not because of one slightly famous model!? Being fatter than slim is absolutely something shameful, and a moral and personal failure for women. I think you'd have to be deluded to think that trying to encourage all women regardless of size to believe they have value as people= everyone quick, get fat ASAP and crush the NHS.

Human nature is not inherently any greedier or lazier now than it was 30 years ago. The amount of money, time and research that goes into getting us to eat, and therefore spend, as much as possible is incredible. This will invalidate my opinion I'm sure, but I am on my way down from a BMI of ~35, currently at around 28.4 and still going, and I can't put into words how disheartening threads like these are. Despite all my hard work and the sacrifices I've made and continue to make, I am still one of those awful silly fat women.

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 19:26

I have a large american following on twitter and absolutely there is a small but growing culture that having huge bottom and thighs is attractive. Which in itself is finwe. Is many peoples normal shape. But there are so many teens on there purposly putting on weight to become "thick" (as its termed on there.) Some are gaining weight in a hope it will go straight where they want it to ans others are gaining in the hope they can have localised lipo in the areas they dont want excess fat.

ItsASairFecht · 07/04/2018 19:58

That's a slightly different thing though Martha. They aren't trying to emulate Tess Holliday or any other plus sized blogger. They are trying to emulate Kim Kardashian..or Nicki Minaj..or maybe Lauren Goodger if they are British. They don't want to be overweight, they just want "junk in their trunk" because it's "a thing".

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 20:08

Well thats true but they are aiming to be bigger than nicki minaj and kim k and sadly the weight does not go where they want it to so they are playing with their health.

lljkk · 07/04/2018 20:15

Google feederism, "fat admirers", gainers.

ItsASairFecht · 07/04/2018 20:18

They want to be a particular kind of big (that doesn't really happen without surgical intervention)..They want a large bum, but smooth and rounded, if they want big thighs the same applies, large but toned. They don't want the backfat, belly rolls, cellulite and general wobbliness that I at least suffer from as a "larger person". Presumably they imagine they can achieve Kim K'ness just by gaining weight..And they can't afford surgery. I agree, it's foolish and they are being silly. I don't think body positivity is to blame. They are just following a fashion trend.

PoorYorick · 07/04/2018 20:27

There have always been people who find fat sexually attractive, that's absolutely nothing new. It is still considered the height of beauty in many parts of the world. I don't think they're a tiny sliver of society (though many are probably in denial), but I don't think they exist in such vast numbers, or with so much power, that they are a serious risk to public health in general.

I am not saying it's healthy to be obese, or that obesity isn't increasing. But if we're going to look at one thing to change with regards to public health, or indeed young girls' mental and physical health, a handful of plus size models - who aren't usually overweight anyway and just seem huge when compared to the overwhelming majority of very thin ones - are really not public enemy number 1.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2018 20:38

It's very hard to be happy when you're risking serious illness and are physically uncomfortable. So it will to a certain extent always have an element of happiness based on weight. You can't just tell someone who is struggling with their weight to be happy. They don't just go "ah, alright then, I will,, never thought of that".

Body positivity doesn't tell people to be happy, it tells them they are ALLOWED to be happy. There are a ton of reasons why people might not actually be happy. But people can learn to be happy with their own bodies, and the first step towards that is being told that they don't actually have to hate themselves for being fat.

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 20:45

I guess to be fair everyone has a different idea about what body positivity means. The things mt friends post daily on facebook are awful unhealthy and promoting being overweight as healthy and desireable compared to being slim. Others might see different body positivity. I think we all agree on no body should be shamed or humiliated or abused due to their weight or appearance. Everyone is valuable and everyone is a human being with feelings.

PoorYorick · 07/04/2018 21:04

I guess to be fair everyone has a different idea about what body positivity means.

Yes. Anyone who uses that revolting 'only dogs like bones' shite, or anything else that disparages thin women, doesn't know the first thing about body positivity.

tiggersneverdie · 07/04/2018 22:48

I am a bit confused about the TessHalliday thing- Isn't her weight due to a medical condition? I thought TessHalliday was the plus size model blogger who had PCOS? Or am I confusing her with another plus size blogger? If her weight is indeed due to PCOS, then this is not someone glorifying obesity but someoen trying to live life to the full whilst having what in severe cases can be a debilitating disorder, involving extreme disturbances to appetite control and cravings. I bet if a body positive blogger had another kind of disability eg Prader Willi Syndrome or anorexia, we would all be like "oh good for them accepting themselves as they are in spite of their challenges." Really do not see why a blogger with PCOS or thyroid issues is any different.

daffodilsareyellow · 07/04/2018 23:04

I get so upset about the dogs/bone thing. As a size 6, 7.5 stone, 5ft 4", 50 year old who has had a lifetime of hearing people comment on their skinniness I feel the pain of all those who are too thin or too overweight although too thin or overweight for what I am not entirely sure.

It is horrible and I never have the courage to call people on it as often they are generally kind but thoughtless folk.

tiggersneverdie · 07/04/2018 23:22

daffodilsareyellow yes, that is just as bad as fat shaming IMO. I hate all body fascism. Live and let live, say I.

HelenaDove · 07/04/2018 23:40

runk" because it's "a thing".
Add message | Report | Message poster
MarthaArthur Sat 07-Apr-18 20:08:17

"Well thats true but they are aiming to be bigger than nicki minaj and kim k and sadly the weight does not go where they want it to so they are playing with their health"

It doesnt always come off where you want it to when you lose weight either . Thats how i ended up at a 32HH bra size It just kept coming off my back.

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 23:44

Thats true Helena. I know you have gone through a lot losing weight i didnt read the loose skin thread but i will have a read. I think the NHS should certainly fund surgery for loose skin.

HelenaDove · 07/04/2018 23:48

Thanks Martha Thanks

Badbird · 08/04/2018 00:33

Anorexia and obesity are both symptoms and responses of our culture's obesogenic climate. Western countries especially suffer from food preferences high in sugar, increasingly sedentary lifestyles, and an obsession with overindulging in food. We make it part of our tradition (huge meals at christmas and easter for example, and the fact that almost every special occasion or celebration is marked by the over consumption of sugar,) and the response to this has been people are getting bigger. 60% of people in the UK are overweight, and by 2050 half the UK population will be classed as obese.

The flip side to this is anorexia and bulimia. These conditions have been around for ages (anorexia nervosa was first characterised in 1873, but has probably existed in human history for millennia.) I have nothing to back this next part up with, as it is my opinion: the uptick in anorexia prevalence might be reactionary. As we have seen obesity rates rise, we have seen an increase in body scrutiny and critique, high profile diets, and in general conversation about how fat people are 'unhealthy' and 'undesirable' from a social standpoint (just look at the tropes from 80's and 90's media, the unpopular, bullied, put-upon fat kid was always the butt of jokes.) As people have internalised this "fat bad" mantra over the decades, people have taken extreme measures to ensure they do not become fat. Diet and weight loss culture notwithstanding, the extremest form of control results in the mental disorders we call anoreixa, bulimia and body dysmorphic disorder. The more people who resort to extreme measures and succumb to these conditions, the more prevalent it becomes, the more profile it gains, and the more vulnerable people become ensnared in the cycle.

Both are 'unhealthy' In vastly different ways. It is possible to function relatively normally while not at your optimal weight, but the further you diverge from optimal, the less healthy you will become, whether this be towards the under or overweight ends of the spectrum. Point is, we have never lived in a culture so obsessed with weight as a marker of success, or in a food environment so detrimental to our ability to maintain a healthy weight.

'Fat acceptance,' 'body-positivism,' 'pro-ana' are really all sides of the same dice. We, are a society, have lost control of our bodies, and have not been in control for some time. Our culture is to blame, and yet we readily attack those who do not fit with our prescribed notion of who looks too fat or who looks too thin. Acceptance movements do not address the root of the problem, they only provide a temporary respite to people who feel -rightly- that they have lost control and hope over their own situations. We, as a society, must take responsibility for the state of our food pyramid, food culture, our bodies and our health. If we want to be healthy, we must identify the antecedents of our disease and remove them, rather than bargain with ourselves and pretend that we, and everything else, is ok.

RoseWhiteTips · 08/04/2018 00:42

That Kim person is a freak.

HelenaDove · 08/04/2018 01:59

More abuse of overweight people on the #sugartax hashtag on Twitter.