Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people to stop commenting on what's in my shopping basket

90 replies

Octave777 · 05/04/2018 00:42

I get the odd comment here and there which doesn't bother me but the last week it's every time I'm shopping.

I've been binging over easter and I get 'wow are those easter eggs all for you' or 'gosh you like your chocolate' from strangers in the queue.

Today I had a man say 'was I stockpiling easter eggs.' I just laughed. Then he said 'I'd love to buy all those. But I don't want to get fat. You don't have to worry though but just be careful'.

Then the cashier says 'Are they all for you?' 'I say I'm just making the most of the discount and he says, 'I've never seen anyone buy so many for themselves... wow.. haha... where do you put it... wow.' He kept laughing.

Would it be unreasonable to tell the next cashier to say something 'I am gonna puke it all up'. I feel cashiers need to get awareness of bulimia?

I know I'm being sensitive but find easter really hard and would love to be brutally honest. Might stop them doing it to someone else. Or is that too much!!

OP posts:
Slapbetcommissioner · 05/04/2018 00:47

Nope. Do exactly that. Look them in the eye and say I'm bulimic, I'm going to eat them all and then make myself vomit them all up.

I hate things like this. What's wrong with 'nice weather' 'these easter eggs are on a great deal aren't they' etc just inane chatter not snarky comments. No wow that's a lot of food or similar.

Sorry Easter is a difficult time for you Flowers

Spartak · 05/04/2018 00:47

I’ve worked for a couple of the major supermarket chains on checkouts. We are told to make polite conversation with every customer. We really don’t give a shit about the contents of your trolley or your weekend plans, or anything else which is an easy topic of conversation but just in case you are a mystery shopper, we pretend that we do.

halfwitpicker · 05/04/2018 00:53

People are just rude.

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

BrutusMcDogface · 05/04/2018 00:56

They're just (misguidedly) trying to be polite. Do you think you should see a doctor or something about your eating? I'm probably being very insensitive (sorry) but you can obviously admit you have a problem as you've just typed it here. Flowers

Original poster
Octave777 · 05/04/2018 01:14

I suppose I was looking to get told to get thicker skin which I normally do. Sometimes I need a good talking to cos I know the world doesn't revolve around me.

Last week I had lovely small talk with a woman over the biscuits I was buying. It was fine.

It was more the guys literally were scanning my body as they were saying where do you put it or it I'll make you fat ect. Then it's just like...

I wonder if it crosses their minds that bulimics go shopping! I'll get over it tomorrow! Least it's only easter not xmas!

OP posts:
steff13 · 05/04/2018 01:21

It's rude. But in all honesty, my daughter had the flu last week and I was buying tissues, Gatorade, and ibuprofen. The guy behind me was buying cookies, ice cream, and snack cakes. I told him I'd rather go home to his house than my house, since it looked like he'd be having more fun. 😳

squoosh · 05/04/2018 01:28

Out of interest how many easter eggs were you buying to warrant so many comments?

MOOPied · 05/04/2018 01:48

I once worked on a supermarket checkout.

Banter is not my strong point, but I did my best.

To be fair there was no “requirement” to make banter but it is “kind of” a social interaction so I did try to come up with stuff.

After a long shift, the shite we (probably just me) came out with was unbelievable.

I once said to a woman “that ice cream looks nice, I wish I was your friend so I could eat it with you”

Hmm
yorkshireyummymummy · 05/04/2018 01:50

As a cashier you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
You can’t talk to every single customer about the weather and since you don’t know anything about them it’s easy to comment on something the customer is buying ie ‘ these are on offer, do you want me to get somebody to get you another’. ‘ those cream cakes look nice, might have to get some on the way home’ and ‘ gosh, what a lot of Easter eggs. You must be a really popular relative!’ Etc etc. You cannot treat every person like they are bulimic/anorexic/autistic/mother of a disabled child/pregnant/not pregnant when they want to be/drug addict/alcoholic/recently bereaved/mystery shopper........the list of potential verbal cock ups is endless. Cashiers are TOLD to make general chit chat. During my time as a cashier I was shouted at, spat at, verbally abused, swore at, cried on, ....I had to act as child entertainer, lonely old ladies confidant, Good Samaritan ( its unreal what people reveal), counsellor, Doctor ( does this look normal to you?) , dietician and information giver of every line the shop carried. And all fir the princely sum of minimum wage!
Don’t take out your problems on the poor cashier who does not deserve to be humiliated and put in their place by you. She/he is a cashier, they cannot feasibly be trained on every possible problem a customer may have. She will just have to sit there while you castigate her for her lack of knowledge of your condition. She can’t answer back. All she can say is ‘ I’m sorry’ . Then she has to sit there for the rest of her shift with her cheeks burning , terrified you will make a complaint about her and utterly humiliated and embarrassed.

Why don’t you buy a few eggs, go and out them in the car and then go back fir more going through a different till or self scan? Or go to makro where nobody will look twice at your trolly with 72 Easter eggs and a box of 60 Freddos.
I feel sorry for you that you suffer with bulimia but don’t make other people suffer because of your condition.

Mama05070704 · 05/04/2018 01:54

I’m also bulimic and completely understand how it feels to feel that you are being judged every time you go shopping/order food at a drive through. The rational part of my brain tells me it’s just people making conversation and the idea of you being bulimic hasn’t even entered their minds. I have an appointment tomorrow as I realise things are getting out of control for me again. Have you sought treatment?

BlancheM · 05/04/2018 01:56

Oh I know what you mean Flowers
People are silly, though. When I was stocking up on Easter eggs, they were actually all for my children/nieces/nephews. It didn't cross my mind that anyone would've thought they were for me, so any remarks would've been met with a raised eyebrow!

sockunicorn · 05/04/2018 01:58

I know lying isn’t the answer but maybe just say “I have a big family” in future? Just to get rid of them. Or a simple “fuck off” if you’re not a chatter?

I bought around 40 Easter eggs (nieces and nephews and friends children) when tesco had them on b2g2f. Nobody asked me about them Confused. However, strangely, if they had, I would have more than likely told them they were all for my dinner later that evening.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 05/04/2018 01:59

It sucks doesn’t it, I’m a bullemic too. I do agree with yorkshire though.

LouiseH2017 · 05/04/2018 02:00

My mum was buying a family pack of toilet roll and the cashier asked her if she was having curry for dinner! She was extremely offended, I thought it was Hilarious!

TeisanLap · 05/04/2018 02:01

I wonder if it crosses their minds that bulimics go shopping! I'll get over it tomorrow!

I suspect people don't want to think about Bulimia given the images it conjures up. But if you want to force people to think about you being sick after you've eaten a basket full of easter eggs then go ahead and tell them you're bulimic. This is more about self loathing than people making small talk with you.

thissmallworld · 05/04/2018 02:09

@MOOPied 😂😂😂 that made me properly laugh

Original poster
Octave777 · 05/04/2018 02:55

moopied and loiuse Haha

Yorkshire That's disgusting behaviour you've seen. I am normally extremely polite and patient and won't say anything.
I have tried going in and out the shop but find that's more embarrassing.

steff13 I get that a lot too. But the difference is you didn't say be careful you might get fat or look him up and down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Octave777 · 05/04/2018 02:56

I wonder if someone with binge eating disorder who was told to be careful about their weight would be unreasonable to feel self conscious. I get chit chat around food- ie I said about the lady who asked if the biscuits were nice or if someone said I love this food item too.

A lot of the worst comments are by strangers too in the shop. One guy the other day when I was looking at the healthy ready meals was going on about women and how there shouldn't worry about eating healthy and how he'd tell me if I needed to diet. Another at the protein bar section said what was I doing buying protein bars and I need to work out more as I haven't got enough muscle. It just seems all the time!

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 05/04/2018 03:06

It's never ok to comment on someone else's food if you ask me. Not in any way at all.

If you're sitting and eating the same meal with someone, then that's different.

YANBU OP.

steff13 · 05/04/2018 03:14

I get that a lot too. But the difference is you didn't say be careful you might get fat or look him up and down.

Oh no, I would never do that.

newshmoo74 · 05/04/2018 03:20

I don’t understand why people assumed the eggs were all for you. I have 3 children and 10 nephews and nieces, I buy a lot of eggs - it would never cross my mind that someone was buying eggs in bulk for themselves.

In terms of small talk, I’m currently dying of secondary breast cancer and have a young family; I could get upset every time a nurse or porter talks about wanting to get grown up children out of their home or moans about a busy day but I don’t because I don’t expect everyone to walk on eggshells around me or to know all my issues.

Cavender · 05/04/2018 03:31

I’m with PPs it would never occur to me that buying lots of eggs was in any way unusual. I have 10 children I buy eggs for every year between my own, nephews and nieces and Godchildren.

I don’t think that’s particularly unusual.

It would never occur to me they were for you.

I have occasionally encountered people over stepping bounds in supermarkets. I find that silently raising an eyebrow and turning away is very effective.

TeisanLap · 05/04/2018 03:42

Octave you seem to have a lot of people chatting to you in shops. Is it really happening or have you just made these scenarios up in order to start a thread about Bulimia and the indignities of small talk that I think you get something from.

You see most people can go round a shop without anyone ever talking to them apart form at the checkout but you seem to go shopping and have people chatting to you every time you come to a halt, and perhaps even when you haven't.

thebewilderness · 05/04/2018 03:55

I think the unsolicited judgement of strangers can be extremely tiresome when it comes in a flood like that, but when it carries a hint of a dominance display it can really get up our nose.
Another time I suggest making less eye contact when you shop. That seems to tamp it down a bit.

himalayansalt · 05/04/2018 04:44

So sorry to read about your situation newschmoo Flowers.

Op, I really do hope you can find a treatment programme that works for you as bulimia is horrendous. But you will take a whole layer of anxiety away if you stop expecting other people, especially complete strangers, to accommodate your illness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread