Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people to stop commenting on what's in my shopping basket

90 replies

Octave777 · 05/04/2018 00:42

I get the odd comment here and there which doesn't bother me but the last week it's every time I'm shopping.

I've been binging over easter and I get 'wow are those easter eggs all for you' or 'gosh you like your chocolate' from strangers in the queue.

Today I had a man say 'was I stockpiling easter eggs.' I just laughed. Then he said 'I'd love to buy all those. But I don't want to get fat. You don't have to worry though but just be careful'.

Then the cashier says 'Are they all for you?' 'I say I'm just making the most of the discount and he says, 'I've never seen anyone buy so many for themselves... wow.. haha... where do you put it... wow.' He kept laughing.

Would it be unreasonable to tell the next cashier to say something 'I am gonna puke it all up'. I feel cashiers need to get awareness of bulimia?

I know I'm being sensitive but find easter really hard and would love to be brutally honest. Might stop them doing it to someone else. Or is that too much!!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/04/2018 04:56

Are you under the care of a doctor for your bulimia?

Your posts come across to me as the words of someone who really needs help.

Are you sure the comments you report are not self talk or projection of some kind? I ask because a close relative used to report remarks like the ones you post here, but nothing of the sort ever happened when I was shopping with her. This relative was unhealthily focused on her physical appearance and believed everyone else was too.

mathanxiety · 05/04/2018 04:58

x-post with Teisan.

MakeItStopNeville · 05/04/2018 05:09

Where do you shop?! Because I sure as shit wouldn’t go back to a store that made me feel as judged as you apparently feel. Talk with your wallet!

Onceuponatimethen · 05/04/2018 05:16

Depends where you are in the country as well - up north where I am people do chat to you in shops A LOT compared to what I’ve seen down south

tiyuga · 05/04/2018 05:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daisychain01 · 05/04/2018 05:34

Octave you seem so matter of fact on here, like PPs the most important thing here isn't about the chocolate or what people say to you in shops, but whether you are getting RL support, because you definitely need to be treated for bulimia and the sooner the better x

IceBearRocks · 05/04/2018 05:35

Jeez I fun the PTA for a special school so I went to ASDA and bought 150 eggs ..... Everyone looked and made comments.... I just laughed and said "don't ask!!"

daisychain01 · 05/04/2018 05:37

Mama05070704 you are doing absolutely the right thing Love and strength to you for getting help. 💕

daisychain01 · 05/04/2018 05:38

I've reported the spammy post!

ourkidmolly · 05/04/2018 05:45

You're worrying about the wrong thing. Of course most people have zero awareness of bulimia. Why would anyone make wild assumptions about someone's mental health from the contents of their shopping basket?
Some people but 50 eggs for cub packs etc no one gives a toss.

Original poster
Octave777 · 05/04/2018 06:04

Are you sure the comments you report are not self talk or projection. I ask because a close relative used to report remarks like the ones you post here, but nothing of the sort ever happened when I was shopping with her

It's not a projection. I never get it when I'm with my boyfriend or with anyone else. I think when you're alone that's when it happens. Also I do a shop more than most!

OP posts:
Original poster
Octave777 · 05/04/2018 06:05

you will take a whole layer of anxiety away if you stop expecting other people, especially complete strangers, to accommodate your illness.

I wish I never said the bulimia aspect. I wish I'd said guys randomly keep telling me to be careful with all that chocolate in a snidy tone and looking me up and down. Aibu it's annoying.

Then at least I'm still being unreasonable!! But it's not because of my mental health; just because of me being silly twit.

I agree and I go to long lengths not to show any unhealthy behaviours/attitudes around food to people around me because I expect no accommodating them. I've been to the docs but know it's very much my own responsibility to improve.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 05/04/2018 06:06

Octave you haven't answered the real question here. Are you getting some support. Is your boyfriend aware of your bulimia and is he standing by you?. It's a serious condition and bothering what people say to you in shops is really missing the point.

NeeChee · 05/04/2018 06:07

I don't have any food issues, but I told someone bluntly at work to stop making comments on my food. I was getting peed off that he always had to say something about my choice of food, like "that looks like sick" or similar. It was annoying, and what if I did have issues?

daisychain01 · 05/04/2018 06:08

Your GP needs to refer you, yes it's your responsibility but you need professional guidance - you cant do it alone.

LadyTesticlee · 05/04/2018 06:14

People are rude bulimia or not a lot of people would feel self conscious but i would think its bought for others not you. Im shockef they thought it was for you especially if you arent big.

Anyway people need to be more sensitive and aware and you could help that by telling them when they are being ignorant or making you upset. You dont have to laugh it off and be pleasant if you dont feel so.

People would make those comments to fat people or avoid them to fat people even if they are actually shopping for a party. Your size and reaction probably made them think its funny and harmless
.. and until more people speak up nothing will change.
Next time tell them.

ButteredScone · 05/04/2018 06:19

I think YABabitU.

Most of the people discussing your shopping won’t really have thought the eggs were for you, because they weren’t considering bulimia. They were expecting a story about scouts or PTA or nephews and nieces.

From what you describe, the number of eggs was ‘remarkable’ and they remarked. The world isn’t perfect and most people are just trying to get by making a bit of random conversation out of politeness or friendliness.

There is a lot of angry projection in your post. You know you could shop online/at Costco. You need sound key you need some proper attention/love/counselling/support at the moment. Can you go to your gp?

justawhisper · 05/04/2018 06:19

Gosh I hate that has happened to me loads Angry

justawhisper · 05/04/2018 06:20

Also when I buy loads of cat food as have more than one they say " wow you must have lots of cats " yeah no fucking shit Sherlock!

JingsMahBucket · 05/04/2018 06:26

The common denominator here is that it’s the men making these snide unsolicited comments and judging women’s bodies. I would tell them to mind their fucking business next time. YANBU.

mathanxiety · 05/04/2018 06:27

I shop alone, and I buy a lot at one time, including (when they were younger) chocolate for five DCs before holidays, and I never once got any remarks at all. I look friendly. I make eye contact.

I also keep my eyes and ears open when I shop alone (I am a people watcher) and I have not heard or seen the sort of behaviour you report - guys randomly keep telling me to be careful with all that chocolate in a snidy tone and looking me up and down.

As I said, I have a close relative who sounds very much like you. She was reporting her own very critical self talk born of shame about the bulimia and her body issues.

You need specialist care for bulimia. This is not something that your average GP can really handle. It's not something you can handle on your own either.

In my relative's case it took years for her to set aside issues of shame and her need to 'control' enough to be able to seek help.

TeisanLap · 05/04/2018 06:28

The common denominator here is that it’s the men making these snide unsolicited comments and judging women’s bodies

I noticed that also but Im more inclined to think its not happening.

LadyTesticlee · 05/04/2018 06:41

Personally its women that make comments about gaining weight, how fatty or fattening something is etc more than men.

veuveo · 05/04/2018 06:55

Where on earth do you live that the people are this chatty?
I have never had anyone comment on the contents of my shopping trolley/basket

JingsMahBucket · 05/04/2018 06:59

@TeisanLap just search MN for stories. This shit happens all the time. If you don’t believe MN, just search the internet in general. This shit happens all the time.